The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Morning of..."A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
26 total reviews
Comment from trumby
good post. I like the character development.
The conversation and Nancy's thoughts combine to make this developing story very believable.
I hope that there's some REAL combat and fighting in this story. I've done 6 years of martial arts training and I like fighting.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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good post. I like the character development.
The conversation and Nancy's thoughts combine to make this developing story very believable.
I hope that there's some REAL combat and fighting in this story. I've done 6 years of martial arts training and I like fighting.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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And I have a Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do! So, yeah, there will be action. It's taking a bit to set it up, and I've thought about ways to make it start out faster as does its sequel, but couldn't get there with it. If you have ideas once the plot thickens, please let me know. In the meantime, thanks for you help!
Rhonda
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YAY!!!
Comment from royowen
Dear Nancy is bearing the brunt of what it must feel like to be famoids. Besieged by question sensible and stupid alike, can she squeeze out off it, I think she probably does. She cleverly installs a question box, so she can get to the before the assembly. You're doing well Rhonda, hard to see where you're going from here, but I'm sure you've got that covered, excellent story, my friend, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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Dear Nancy is bearing the brunt of what it must feel like to be famoids. Besieged by question sensible and stupid alike, can she squeeze out off it, I think she probably does. She cleverly installs a question box, so she can get to the before the assembly. You're doing well Rhonda, hard to see where you're going from here, but I'm sure you've got that covered, excellent story, my friend, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 05-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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Thank you so much, Roy, for your insightful review! As always, it is much appreciated. It is heading in a direction, I assure you, and you'll see soon. Thanks for keeping up,
Rhonda
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Well done, friend Rhonda,
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. What an interesting story. I can't wait to read more. You have a very clear and easy to understand manner of writing. I enjoyed every word. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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Excellent. What an interesting story. I can't wait to read more. You have a very clear and easy to understand manner of writing. I enjoyed every word. Keep writing.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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Aww, thank you so much! You have encouraged me,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda--and I guess some of her students are anxious to carry on with The Daredevil Girls, huh? The tradition lives!
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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Another fine chapter, Rhonda--and I guess some of her students are anxious to carry on with The Daredevil Girls, huh? The tradition lives!
Comment Written 05-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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Yeah, and a guy this time, too, though you won't see him until the next chapter. Thanks for keeping up, my friend!
Rhonda
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Cool, a guy, I can relate--well, except for the Daredevil and Girl parts!
Comment from AnnieDawn
What an interesting theme for your book. I enjoyed this chapter and hope to run into more as you write continuing chapters. Your characters seem to be well described and also the scenes and emotions. An excellent job. I have one sentence for you to look at for considering correcting...
wrestling the lid off to view it ahead of time, but was, she was happy to say, strong and resisted the urge. (You might revise the middle of this sentence.)
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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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What an interesting theme for your book. I enjoyed this chapter and hope to run into more as you write continuing chapters. Your characters seem to be well described and also the scenes and emotions. An excellent job. I have one sentence for you to look at for considering correcting...
wrestling the lid off to view it ahead of time, but was, she was happy to say, strong and resisted the urge. (You might revise the middle of this sentence.)
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Comment Written 05-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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Thank you, Annie. Yeah, I wasn't really happy with that line either. I'll go back and revise. Thanks for all your useful suggestions and encouragement!
Rhonda
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Rhonda,
Oh, oh ... poor old Nancy. It's gonna be everywhere now! lol
Another good chapter here. I enjoyed the interludes with Precious as it grounded the whole thing in normalcy, which is prevalent in this piece.
the kids it was welcome and much anticipated diversion - may read a little smoother with 'a' inserted before welcome.
She would reherse what - rehearse.
nervous and gittery - jittery.
She was starting to get nervous and gittery, and her insides to ball up so badly - this doesn't read smoothly, perhapsjittery, causing her insides to ball up.
Why had she forgotten to turn the dang thing off. - should this have a question mark?
just sit there until the crowd disappeard, - disappeared.
All the best
G
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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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Hi Rhonda,
Oh, oh ... poor old Nancy. It's gonna be everywhere now! lol
Another good chapter here. I enjoyed the interludes with Precious as it grounded the whole thing in normalcy, which is prevalent in this piece.
the kids it was welcome and much anticipated diversion - may read a little smoother with 'a' inserted before welcome.
She would reherse what - rehearse.
nervous and gittery - jittery.
She was starting to get nervous and gittery, and her insides to ball up so badly - this doesn't read smoothly, perhapsjittery, causing her insides to ball up.
Why had she forgotten to turn the dang thing off. - should this have a question mark?
just sit there until the crowd disappeard, - disappeared.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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Thanks so much for all the Spag control!! It's funny how many weird things get missed. Great suggestions. You're the best, and I always appreciate your reviews. I'm glad you brought up the grounding part with the cat as that was it's purpose, that and the fact kids love animals...Thanks again,
Rhonda
