The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Morning of..."A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
26 total reviews
Comment from gamay
Again,Excellent. What an interesting story. I can't wait to read more. The story have a very clear word and easy to understand. I really enjoyed it.
gamay
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
  |
Again,Excellent. What an interesting story. I can't wait to read more. The story have a very clear word and easy to understand. I really enjoyed it.
gamay
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
-
Thank you, gamay. What a wonderful thing to say about my story. I am so glad you have taken your time to read the chapter and to write an excellent comment!
Hope all is well with your beautiful family.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Sis. I am so sorry that I am so far behind you in this fantastic book of yours. I will catch up eventually, I promise.
Absolutely brilliant and very involving work here my friend. You have a top class knack of putting your readers at the various scenes and that takes both genius and skill.
Some quick observations....
"Each morning she woke, she could feel the approaching assembly stalking her like a great dark panther just waiting to pounce," (You have a masterful turn of phrase which leaves me with amazing images.)
"On and on the questions came until Nancy finally put her foot down, and had the wood-shop class make her two wooden boxes with slits on the top." (No wonder she was the leader and became a with that kind of problem solving ability. Is this biographical? lol.)
"She toyed with the idea of wrestling the lid off to view it ahead of time--afterall, she was only human wasn't she?" (Should "afterall" be "after all" two words?)
"she gave up and sat up in bed to make another set of notes." (Hate it when that happens. Having said that...that is how half of my poems started.)
"It was going to take him half the morning to rest up." (Hahahaha! Like a cat needs and excuse! They are like my teenagers in the Philippines, sleep all day and play all night.)
Riveting stuff.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 08-May-2016
 |
G'day Sis. I am so sorry that I am so far behind you in this fantastic book of yours. I will catch up eventually, I promise.
Absolutely brilliant and very involving work here my friend. You have a top class knack of putting your readers at the various scenes and that takes both genius and skill.
Some quick observations....
"Each morning she woke, she could feel the approaching assembly stalking her like a great dark panther just waiting to pounce," (You have a masterful turn of phrase which leaves me with amazing images.)
"On and on the questions came until Nancy finally put her foot down, and had the wood-shop class make her two wooden boxes with slits on the top." (No wonder she was the leader and became a with that kind of problem solving ability. Is this biographical? lol.)
"She toyed with the idea of wrestling the lid off to view it ahead of time--afterall, she was only human wasn't she?" (Should "afterall" be "after all" two words?)
"she gave up and sat up in bed to make another set of notes." (Hate it when that happens. Having said that...that is how half of my poems started.)
"It was going to take him half the morning to rest up." (Hahahaha! Like a cat needs and excuse! They are like my teenagers in the Philippines, sleep all day and play all night.)
Riveting stuff.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 08-May-2016
-
Thank you so much for the wonderful six stars, and it's so good to hear from you again!!
Don't feel the need to make comments on all the chapters as you try to catch up, though they are always appreciated.
I always appreciate the detail you provide with your reviews. I can't wait to read some of your chapters and poems.
Kumusta
Rhonda
Comment from I am Cat
lol... I think I went back in time... I'm thinking I've already read this before... but didn't review it? weird. Anyway, that's most likely how I got hooked. lol
WEll done and i'm so into it, I can't see anything to correct! Lets get on with it, I thought we were already IN the assembly last I checked and now I see I've missed a few... rats! LOL
Hugs
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2016
|
lol... I think I went back in time... I'm thinking I've already read this before... but didn't review it? weird. Anyway, that's most likely how I got hooked. lol
WEll done and i'm so into it, I can't see anything to correct! Lets get on with it, I thought we were already IN the assembly last I checked and now I see I've missed a few... rats! LOL
Hugs
Comment Written 22-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2016
-
Oh, well, I skip around in reviewing a bit, too!
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Douglas Paul
I really like your Daredevil Girls story Rhonda. This is well done as always and you built the story up nicely to the point where she will address her audience. Can't wait to hear what she has to say
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
|
I really like your Daredevil Girls story Rhonda. This is well done as always and you built the story up nicely to the point where she will address her audience. Can't wait to hear what she has to say
Comment Written 08-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
-
Thanks. One more chapter, okay, really two, because on this site you have to break chapters down or people think they are too long. I appreciate your keeping up!
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Very nice chapter, Rhonda. Very good build up to the big day. So many questions, so little time! And then the very adorable comic relief from Precious. Then the not-so-subtle mention of Victor Brewer. Lots going on! Can't wait to hear Nancy's first story.
How are you doing? How's your jaw coming along? I hope your family is still spoiling you!
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
|
Very nice chapter, Rhonda. Very good build up to the big day. So many questions, so little time! And then the very adorable comic relief from Precious. Then the not-so-subtle mention of Victor Brewer. Lots going on! Can't wait to hear Nancy's first story.
How are you doing? How's your jaw coming along? I hope your family is still spoiling you!
Comment Written 08-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
-
Thanks for your review and comments!
Sorry to say the spoiling is over. It's been six weeks now since the accident and I will probably return to work on Thursday. I do feel a lot better, though there are some things that will take a long time to heal. Thanks for asking!
My regards to Alejandro!
Comment from Linda Engel
This is a very good chapter leading into what just might burst with tension and overwhelming anticipation. What started out to be a small assembly gathering is turning into a mob rushed event. So clever of you to end with a student rescue only to be confronted with a team of admirers. No escape. They want the stories and SO DO WE>>>>>>> :-) so glad you are back.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
|
This is a very good chapter leading into what just might burst with tension and overwhelming anticipation. What started out to be a small assembly gathering is turning into a mob rushed event. So clever of you to end with a student rescue only to be confronted with a team of admirers. No escape. They want the stories and SO DO WE>>>>>>> :-) so glad you are back.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
-
Thanks so much for the review and comments! The stories are coming quickly, just a little character build up. When I put it all back together, I may start with a story, and the go back to the background. Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Great artwork.
-This chapter leads into the assembly very nicely.
-It is normal that Nancy would be full of jitters.
-I like the imagery in this line, "she could feel the approaching assembly stalking her like a great dark panther just waiting to pounce"
-The reader is able to see everything that Nancy is going through; I thought it was interesting that when she woke up, there was one note card, and the rest were wadded all over the floor.
-I liked Victor's reply to the reporters about Nancy!
-I liked the ending with Tina Alice helping her by urging her into the vacant classroom.
-I noticed one thing in the story:
* afterall (after all?)
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
|
-Great artwork.
-This chapter leads into the assembly very nicely.
-It is normal that Nancy would be full of jitters.
-I like the imagery in this line, "she could feel the approaching assembly stalking her like a great dark panther just waiting to pounce"
-The reader is able to see everything that Nancy is going through; I thought it was interesting that when she woke up, there was one note card, and the rest were wadded all over the floor.
-I liked Victor's reply to the reporters about Nancy!
-I liked the ending with Tina Alice helping her by urging her into the vacant classroom.
-I noticed one thing in the story:
* afterall (after all?)
Comment Written 07-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
-
Thanks a lot for the comments, especially where you point out the parts that worked best. I'll fix the Spag, thanks for finding it!
Rhonda
-
You are very welcome. I am enjoying the story.
Comment from rspoet
This is a solid chapter for the story.
Nancy's anxiety is easily understood
whether from talking in front of a large group
or uncovering the past and all that entails.
But somehow, I think the leader of the Daredevils
can handle it.
Of course, once it all comes out,
her life will never be the same;
but then her life is not like anybody else's
anyway.
Nice build to the assembly
and what awaits.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
|
This is a solid chapter for the story.
Nancy's anxiety is easily understood
whether from talking in front of a large group
or uncovering the past and all that entails.
But somehow, I think the leader of the Daredevils
can handle it.
Of course, once it all comes out,
her life will never be the same;
but then her life is not like anybody else's
anyway.
Nice build to the assembly
and what awaits.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
-
Thank you so much for the greatly detailed review. I'm glad to know your feelings, because it helps to develop later chapters. Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from c_lucas
The smaller status of Self Esteem a person has, the they will latch on to a celebrity.
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
|
The smaller status of Self Esteem a person has, the they will latch on to a celebrity.
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. Take care,
Rhonda
-
You're welcome, Rhonda. Charlie
Comment from robyn corum
Rhonda,
This seemed like a realistic portrayal of someone about to give a speech that they'd really rather not make, and who's nervous to do so. I think you handled it all very well!
A couple of notes (if you'll allow):
1.) But she resisted the urge since she (had) other things to think about-
2.) Nancy got her sunglasses out of her purse and put them on (discreetly).
3.) rather loud whisper(.) ("T)here are reporters waiting to trap you--
Great work. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2016
|
Rhonda,
This seemed like a realistic portrayal of someone about to give a speech that they'd really rather not make, and who's nervous to do so. I think you handled it all very well!
A couple of notes (if you'll allow):
1.) But she resisted the urge since she (had) other things to think about-
2.) Nancy got her sunglasses out of her purse and put them on (discreetly).
3.) rather loud whisper(.) ("T)here are reporters waiting to trap you--
Great work. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 07-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2016
-
Thank you so much for your review and for catching my mistakes. It's easy to do to make them, and hard to find them with just your own pair of eyes. Much appreciated,
Rhonda
