Prosetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 52 "Daddy"Story telling poems
19 total reviews
Comment from schatzling
Nicely written.
How do you know exactly when to end one line and move to the next? I see you do it at coordinating conjunctions and lots of times at pronouns but is there a trick? I am asking because I really want to know. I want to learn to write. I have so many stories in my head....I never realized they were stories until YOU. You told me they were stories. That in itself was the biggest move for me in the writing world and I just wanted to thank you now for that because I have not done so yet. I learned from you that one can basically write about anything as long as it seems interesting (if that's the right word use---unsure) to the reader. SO, my dear friend...YOU have become my mentor.....Don't feel like you HAVE to or MUST do anything special. I am learning from you constantly and you are just being you.
If I learn something from you once a week, that is one more think I haven't known before and pretty soon I will have learned 52 things...and my ultimate goal is to write one story....just one to become brave enough to write more. HOW did you start with your first story? Did you ask yourself a question and answer it in story? Did you start journalizing and then from that journal took things out and wrote stories to share with us? WHAT IS THAT very first/important step, if you please.
Just like this current writing of yours....I enjoyed reading it. I learned more about you. It flowed nicely. It was not boring. It was just you sharing with me (us...the viewers...the readers....the fellow writers)
Have a good weekend. I am still recovering from intensive surgery I had shortly after my little puppy Milo got bitten by a Rattler....it was touch and go for three days...but he made it. He is alive and well and has his wonderful disposition still. I have also gotten sick on top of that and I have had extreme work/retirement issues not to mention identity theft and IRS S H _ _.....someone else filed my taxes in my name....someone else got my refund....someone else lied and I have to clean it up the mess. And I cannot just flick my magic wand and come up with the money they want me to pay right away. They want the money and then they said I could work on it AND IF THEY OWE ME MONEY BACK I CAN GET IT BACK. Identity theft is horrific. Anyone can pretend to be you and get away with it so simple. BUT if you try to get your identity back, it is like pulling teeth AND I AM WHO I AM....you know what I mean? AND NOW top of all of that I got a call from Germany. MY mom passed away. GERMAN LAWS and RULES and REGULATIONS are so daunting. She turned 80 on 23 August. She died 29 August with a post it note in her hand with my name on it.....I am so sorry....I guess I needed to vent at the moment. Let me close this review and thank you for listening...or should I say reading. Please forgive me. I know this is not the right venue for doing this kind of a thing.....but hey, I promise I won't let it happen too often.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Nicely written.
How do you know exactly when to end one line and move to the next? I see you do it at coordinating conjunctions and lots of times at pronouns but is there a trick? I am asking because I really want to know. I want to learn to write. I have so many stories in my head....I never realized they were stories until YOU. You told me they were stories. That in itself was the biggest move for me in the writing world and I just wanted to thank you now for that because I have not done so yet. I learned from you that one can basically write about anything as long as it seems interesting (if that's the right word use---unsure) to the reader. SO, my dear friend...YOU have become my mentor.....Don't feel like you HAVE to or MUST do anything special. I am learning from you constantly and you are just being you.
If I learn something from you once a week, that is one more think I haven't known before and pretty soon I will have learned 52 things...and my ultimate goal is to write one story....just one to become brave enough to write more. HOW did you start with your first story? Did you ask yourself a question and answer it in story? Did you start journalizing and then from that journal took things out and wrote stories to share with us? WHAT IS THAT very first/important step, if you please.
Just like this current writing of yours....I enjoyed reading it. I learned more about you. It flowed nicely. It was not boring. It was just you sharing with me (us...the viewers...the readers....the fellow writers)
Have a good weekend. I am still recovering from intensive surgery I had shortly after my little puppy Milo got bitten by a Rattler....it was touch and go for three days...but he made it. He is alive and well and has his wonderful disposition still. I have also gotten sick on top of that and I have had extreme work/retirement issues not to mention identity theft and IRS S H _ _.....someone else filed my taxes in my name....someone else got my refund....someone else lied and I have to clean it up the mess. And I cannot just flick my magic wand and come up with the money they want me to pay right away. They want the money and then they said I could work on it AND IF THEY OWE ME MONEY BACK I CAN GET IT BACK. Identity theft is horrific. Anyone can pretend to be you and get away with it so simple. BUT if you try to get your identity back, it is like pulling teeth AND I AM WHO I AM....you know what I mean? AND NOW top of all of that I got a call from Germany. MY mom passed away. GERMAN LAWS and RULES and REGULATIONS are so daunting. She turned 80 on 23 August. She died 29 August with a post it note in her hand with my name on it.....I am so sorry....I guess I needed to vent at the moment. Let me close this review and thank you for listening...or should I say reading. Please forgive me. I know this is not the right venue for doing this kind of a thing.....but hey, I promise I won't let it happen too often.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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You can talk to me anytime.. I am so furious that others are still hurting you. When you first told me about yourself i was so touched by your honesty, your soul. What an amazing person you are. If you would just believe it. Your pictures are above artist level. Your stories need to be told. What is holding you back?
I was ashamed that for six years I kept my children in an abusive situation. Yes, he was controlling, but ultimately I didn't stand up for myself until years later. I let it happen. I too was at fault.
Guess what the day I admitted I was both at Fault, and not fault.. I became a writer.
No one makes great decisions every day.
You also lost your MAMA. a POST IT NOTE in her hand. You want to write. Instead of starting at the beginning, do something different. Tell the moment in your life when you were covered with sadness. then go back to your birth and then tell us where y ou are now.
What is your most painful story.
You will be able to write it. It will flow.
I am worried about you. Did you recover from your surgery?
Please keep writing to me.
Judy
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Jusylee - you have told such a lovely story in this free verse. It would have made a really good story, filled out a little. But what you have told, I loved to read. Wonderful story about your grandmother. They were made of tougher stuff back then. Her story read like a movie. And your father - so interesting - but men as a rule did not like to talk about their experiences in the war, but they never forgot. You ended your story so perfectly - you knew you were loved. Lovely piece of writing. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Hi Jusylee - you have told such a lovely story in this free verse. It would have made a really good story, filled out a little. But what you have told, I loved to read. Wonderful story about your grandmother. They were made of tougher stuff back then. Her story read like a movie. And your father - so interesting - but men as a rule did not like to talk about their experiences in the war, but they never forgot. You ended your story so perfectly - you knew you were loved. Lovely piece of writing. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. Isn't it amazing that My Grandmother crossed the prairie in a covered wagon yet lived long enough to see a man on the Moon? Times have so changed and we need to tell their stories.
Comment from c_lucas
War has stripped many a youth from having a peaceful life. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making from a very good read. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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War has stripped many a youth from having a peaceful life. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making from a very good read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. I am having so much fun and learning so much on Fan Story.
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Welcome to Fan Story.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Jusylee. Loved this. I wish I had six stars for you. It was a pleasure to read such a wonderfully reminiscent poem about your father. Clearly and proudly expressed, as you should be. The last few lines are a perfect wrap up. Kudos to you. Marilyn
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Hi Jusylee. Loved this. I wish I had six stars for you. It was a pleasure to read such a wonderfully reminiscent poem about your father. Clearly and proudly expressed, as you should be. The last few lines are a perfect wrap up. Kudos to you. Marilyn
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. I learned so much about myself while writing it. Fan story has been wonderful to me.
Comment from Kaydoe
Some stories are too painful to share, or perhaps he just wanted you to see the
better part of humanity.My mother was German and went through WWII and I know there are many things she couldn't talk about. But I like how you remember
your dad singing the Lord's Prayer. That is the best memory he would probably
have wanted you to have. Well written and touching!
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Some stories are too painful to share, or perhaps he just wanted you to see the
better part of humanity.My mother was German and went through WWII and I know there are many things she couldn't talk about. But I like how you remember
your dad singing the Lord's Prayer. That is the best memory he would probably
have wanted you to have. Well written and touching!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. I love all the support I get at Fan Story.
Comment from Janet Foor
An excellent message in your well written piece. So many things about our parents that we don't know. Sometimes their stories are to painful for them to recount. I had several uncles that were in the WWII and they never talked of their experiences either.
Itsounds like your father was a wonderful "daddy".
Well done
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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An excellent message in your well written piece. So many things about our parents that we don't know. Sometimes their stories are to painful for them to recount. I had several uncles that were in the WWII and they never talked of their experiences either.
Itsounds like your father was a wonderful "daddy".
Well done
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. That Generation was so much less selfish but the men, especially the men, but sometimes the women too were taught to not complain and to keep sad things to themselves. Thank you for reading it.
Comment from Chris Walker
This is a touching tribute to your father written in free verse. My father died when I was quite young, he was a marine in WWII. I have his photos and one of his service medals--my mother and brother said he didn't talk about his time in the war either. Your free verse is smooth and flows easily from beginning to end. There are no distractions for the reader. Thanks for sharing this. Chris
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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This is a touching tribute to your father written in free verse. My father died when I was quite young, he was a marine in WWII. I have his photos and one of his service medals--my mother and brother said he didn't talk about his time in the war either. Your free verse is smooth and flows easily from beginning to end. There are no distractions for the reader. Thanks for sharing this. Chris
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank you , we have so much to learn from that generation of people.
Comment from scd41
Your biographical poem has been written well which has emotions and challenges your father faced in his family life. He had the love for you but did not want to discuss the horrors of war as it could adversely affect your tender mind.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Your biographical poem has been written well which has emotions and challenges your father faced in his family life. He had the love for you but did not want to discuss the horrors of war as it could adversely affect your tender mind.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Very well stated and I truly believe that also. Daughters want to know their fathers and Fathers protect their daughters.
Comment from zekeziemann
I always love writings about fathers. Too many seem to be only about mothers. The part about your father's service in WWII was very touching. I have had the opportunity to walk on Omaha Beach and believe that every American should try to understand the sacrifices of the "greatest generation".
Well done.
Zeke
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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I always love writings about fathers. Too many seem to be only about mothers. The part about your father's service in WWII was very touching. I have had the opportunity to walk on Omaha Beach and believe that every American should try to understand the sacrifices of the "greatest generation".
Well done.
Zeke
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. History is truly who we are.
Comment from DonandVicki
It is amazing how different our lives are from our fathers, grandparents and on back. We all hope that our childrens and grandchildrens lives will
be better that ours.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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It is amazing how different our lives are from our fathers, grandparents and on back. We all hope that our childrens and grandchildrens lives will
be better that ours.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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So very true. Thank you for reading this.
