The Thrift Shop
Six quatrains of Blank Verse40 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Outstanding originality and depth of thematic substance in this unique and masterfully crafted blank verse. A six star work. High caliber phrasing and glow as well as poetic devices (I am not noting them here as I know you know I noticed each nuance and applaud them all). I love how this reflects on the painting and the brc-a-brac of lives. The descriptive quality is rich and textured and layered. Bravo. Loved this.
NOTES:
Not far beyond the intersecting life
of 1st and 23rd, I paused awhile,
my shoulders hunched with cold, and then walked in
where Venus lay, embroidered on a seat,
Suggest using italics on the title:
The Carmen Dolorosa of Seville,
Eloquent descriptive:
whose salt damp tears had run and spoiled her robe.
The ticket with her price was turned in shame.
Among the dresses loosely slung on racks,
were jet set sequined eyes of beaded gowns
that glittered with svelte shapes of former years,
the bric-a-brac of long forgotten lives.
*
(A)and there beside Stravinsky's Rite of Spring,
*
unsure which way to lean,(--) a Morton's fork
Thanks for anew term...had not heard of this. I appreciate your author's notes.
Excellent metaphorical import here:
beside a somewhat tarnished silver spoon.
Ah, yes, I well know those silver spoons are tarnished (having grown up on Central Park West)...and they can tarnish souls as well--or prompt one to explore a spiritual path! LOL
POWERFUL:
A glint behind the glass then caught my eye;
a set of crystal goblets missing one -
the shattered truth of finite usefulness.
Love this reference poetically personifying those famous leaves of grass:
I stooped and thumbed a dollar from my roll,
to purchase Whitman's sighing Leaves of Grass,
Powerful closing note:
before returning home the way I came,
with jumbled thoughts, and hopes, and hidden fears.
No sixes, or you'd have one.
****** A virtual one.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
  |
Outstanding originality and depth of thematic substance in this unique and masterfully crafted blank verse. A six star work. High caliber phrasing and glow as well as poetic devices (I am not noting them here as I know you know I noticed each nuance and applaud them all). I love how this reflects on the painting and the brc-a-brac of lives. The descriptive quality is rich and textured and layered. Bravo. Loved this.
NOTES:
Not far beyond the intersecting life
of 1st and 23rd, I paused awhile,
my shoulders hunched with cold, and then walked in
where Venus lay, embroidered on a seat,
Suggest using italics on the title:
The Carmen Dolorosa of Seville,
Eloquent descriptive:
whose salt damp tears had run and spoiled her robe.
The ticket with her price was turned in shame.
Among the dresses loosely slung on racks,
were jet set sequined eyes of beaded gowns
that glittered with svelte shapes of former years,
the bric-a-brac of long forgotten lives.
*
(A)and there beside Stravinsky's Rite of Spring,
*
unsure which way to lean,(--) a Morton's fork
Thanks for anew term...had not heard of this. I appreciate your author's notes.
Excellent metaphorical import here:
beside a somewhat tarnished silver spoon.
Ah, yes, I well know those silver spoons are tarnished (having grown up on Central Park West)...and they can tarnish souls as well--or prompt one to explore a spiritual path! LOL
POWERFUL:
A glint behind the glass then caught my eye;
a set of crystal goblets missing one -
the shattered truth of finite usefulness.
Love this reference poetically personifying those famous leaves of grass:
I stooped and thumbed a dollar from my roll,
to purchase Whitman's sighing Leaves of Grass,
Powerful closing note:
before returning home the way I came,
with jumbled thoughts, and hopes, and hidden fears.
No sixes, or you'd have one.
****** A virtual one.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
-
Many thanks for your review of The Thrift Shop, RD, and the virtual six! I'm afraid I'm running dreadfully behind, but did very much appreciate your interesting comments and minor spag catches. Best wishes, Tony
-
:-)))
Comment from lightink
Tony, you surprised me! I was expecting a poem about the little Poetess when I saw your name in my inbox. :)
However, I love the mood of this poem! (And the ducks, I want those ducks :))
One of my favorite things is this poem was how cleverly you added "salt damp" to the tears... Usually the tears of the Saint is associated with blessing and not distraction!
Also the alliteration and the imagery is fantastic here:
"were jet set sequined eyes of beaded gowns".
The last line is rather surprising:
'with jumbled thoughts, and hopes, and hidden fears."
I didn't see that turmoil coming.
Once I reread the poem it made much more sense - every last line talked about the passing of time and the idea of loss and futility.
That's such sensitive and thought provoking take on the topic!
Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2016
|
Tony, you surprised me! I was expecting a poem about the little Poetess when I saw your name in my inbox. :)
However, I love the mood of this poem! (And the ducks, I want those ducks :))
One of my favorite things is this poem was how cleverly you added "salt damp" to the tears... Usually the tears of the Saint is associated with blessing and not distraction!
Also the alliteration and the imagery is fantastic here:
"were jet set sequined eyes of beaded gowns".
The last line is rather surprising:
'with jumbled thoughts, and hopes, and hidden fears."
I didn't see that turmoil coming.
Once I reread the poem it made much more sense - every last line talked about the passing of time and the idea of loss and futility.
That's such sensitive and thought provoking take on the topic!
Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2016
-
Many thanks for your review of The Thrift Shop last week, Jyoti. I'm a bit behind with responding, I'm afraid. Life has been rather hectic! So glad that you enjoyed the poem and I did appreciate your comments on it.
I, too, fell in love with the ducks - and went back a few days later and bought them. They are actually made of brass, not onyx as in the poem, and they weigh a ton! Not sure how I'm going to fit them in my luggage when I fly back to Australia tomorrow! LOL
Comment from Caressa_08
Thanks you, tfawcus, for putting out an over the top presentation. And can relate to the last line, because going into a thrift story, Yes can be an interesting and for some an enjoyable experience. And, too, it can leave us with vibes of former owners and what their lives might of been and somehow vibes from their precious belongings..some Alive still with.Their spirit... if they are deceased.. Will not like viewers to see or t own their treasures of past decades...And items displayed...we can just contemplate or might leave us in awe...especially if we got a really good bargain that will now be our keepsake. Yes, agree...thoughts, hopes , and hidden fears... there all to greet us...or to possibly haunt.
Appreciate , also, very much your detailed author notes...Caressa_08
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
 |
Thanks you, tfawcus, for putting out an over the top presentation. And can relate to the last line, because going into a thrift story, Yes can be an interesting and for some an enjoyable experience. And, too, it can leave us with vibes of former owners and what their lives might of been and somehow vibes from their precious belongings..some Alive still with.Their spirit... if they are deceased.. Will not like viewers to see or t own their treasures of past decades...And items displayed...we can just contemplate or might leave us in awe...especially if we got a really good bargain that will now be our keepsake. Yes, agree...thoughts, hopes , and hidden fears... there all to greet us...or to possibly haunt.
Appreciate , also, very much your detailed author notes...Caressa_08
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
-
Caressa! What a deeply perceptive and wonderful review. The stars were a welcome bonus, but your words are pure gold! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from SilentNinja2930
Wow, this is an excellent poem. Nice vivid descriptions and flow. There are always interesting things to be found in a thrift shop. Again, nice job. ~Ninja
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
|
Wow, this is an excellent poem. Nice vivid descriptions and flow. There are always interesting things to be found in a thrift shop. Again, nice job. ~Ninja
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
-
Many thanks, Ninja. I appreciate your review. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
There is something to be said for the glee one feels when one has found a treasure at a bargain price. :) I'm not very familiar with Blank Verse poetry, but I certainly did enjoy reading this piece. You put the reader right there in the store with you with your vivid descriptions.
I think that this entry will fare will in the contest. Fave line: "the ticket with her price was turned in shame". :)
Thanks for the author notes, Tony. I learned a few new things ... always a good thing!
Good luck in the contest!
Connie
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
|
There is something to be said for the glee one feels when one has found a treasure at a bargain price. :) I'm not very familiar with Blank Verse poetry, but I certainly did enjoy reading this piece. You put the reader right there in the store with you with your vivid descriptions.
I think that this entry will fare will in the contest. Fave line: "the ticket with her price was turned in shame". :)
Thanks for the author notes, Tony. I learned a few new things ... always a good thing!
Good luck in the contest!
Connie
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
-
Many thanks, Connie. I appreciate your review, kind words and good wishes. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Realist101
Hi Tony. This is so interesting. A thrift shop is so mundane, and you've managed to bring it to life in this piece. I need to go to our local shop asap. Your book you found is a gem! :) Susan
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
|
Hi Tony. This is so interesting. A thrift shop is so mundane, and you've managed to bring it to life in this piece. I need to go to our local shop asap. Your book you found is a gem! :) Susan
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
-
Many thanks, Susan. I appreciate your review. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Dr. Nad
The Thrift Shop is a poem that sheds a beautiful light on thrift stores and all the marvelous treasures that one can find their. As Forrest and his mama said life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. I believe they could also be talking about thrift stores. There are always an eclectic conglomeration of unique and once treasured items. The thrift store can put a bounce in your step and a smile on your face! Thanks for sharing. May God bless you!
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
|
The Thrift Shop is a poem that sheds a beautiful light on thrift stores and all the marvelous treasures that one can find their. As Forrest and his mama said life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. I believe they could also be talking about thrift stores. There are always an eclectic conglomeration of unique and once treasured items. The thrift store can put a bounce in your step and a smile on your face! Thanks for sharing. May God bless you!
Comment Written 20-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
-
Many thanks, Dr Nad. I appreciate your review and your reference to Forrest Gump. Best wishes, Tony
You are very welcome,
Embrace the Love from above!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your poem about the thrift shop. The ones here do not have anything like what you described. Your lines flow smoothly. Your descriptive words create great imagery for the reader. Thanks for the author notes [many of them I already y knew, but I read them anyway]. Good job with the picture--really it is amazing and to think you took it yourself makes it more special. Good job and thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
|
I enjoyed your poem about the thrift shop. The ones here do not have anything like what you described. Your lines flow smoothly. Your descriptive words create great imagery for the reader. Thanks for the author notes [many of them I already y knew, but I read them anyway]. Good job with the picture--really it is amazing and to think you took it yourself makes it more special. Good job and thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
-
Many thanks, Jannypan. I appreciate your review. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from country ranch writer
THE SHOPS HOLD TREASURE OF NEW AND OLD FOR ALL TO LOOK AT ROWS BY ROWS AND RACKS BY RACKS IT IS LIKE GOING BACK IN TIME SOMETIMES I LOVE TO GO THROUGH THEIR OLD BOOKS AND THINGS
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
|
THE SHOPS HOLD TREASURE OF NEW AND OLD FOR ALL TO LOOK AT ROWS BY ROWS AND RACKS BY RACKS IT IS LIKE GOING BACK IN TIME SOMETIMES I LOVE TO GO THROUGH THEIR OLD BOOKS AND THINGS
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
-
Many thanks, CRW. I appreciate your review. Best wishes, Tony
-
a m i l e s
-
s m i l e s
Comment from DonandVicki
The very best blank verse that I have reviewed in quite some time Tony. This is a pleasure to read and it flows so very well. Nice job on this one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
|
The very best blank verse that I have reviewed in quite some time Tony. This is a pleasure to read and it flows so very well. Nice job on this one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
-
Many thanks, DonandVicki. I appreciate your review and kind words about my blank verse. Best wishes, Tony
