Hell Found Me
Contest Entry - Must begin story with Hell found me...30 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Montanino
You deserve Six Stars for enduring Sister Baptista. What a witch! I think back in those days, even the parents were afraid of the priests and nuns. It's really terrible to think nuns were allowed to treat children like that. My husband read my story and laughed, then he said, "Hey you forgot the part where the nuns and priests slapped our hands with rulers. What memories, huh?
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2019
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You deserve Six Stars for enduring Sister Baptista. What a witch! I think back in those days, even the parents were afraid of the priests and nuns. It's really terrible to think nuns were allowed to treat children like that. My husband read my story and laughed, then he said, "Hey you forgot the part where the nuns and priests slapped our hands with rulers. What memories, huh?
Comment Written 13-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your review! A pleasant surprise from one Catholic girl to another. The woman was a hag. It is amazing that the church had that hold on our parents, which allowed them free rein. I loved the six, too! Thank you so much!
Comment from Kelly2
You were just as funny seven months ago as you are today. I'm really the kind of person who kind of laughs inside when reading. You have me rolling and LMAO, OUT LOUD.
I liked:
At the tender age of scared shitless,
And this one had me laughing so hard I knocked my glass of Pepsi over on my desk and had to rescue my cell phone and thumb drive:
"the class fly flew up my nose. I was too frightened to do anything but exhale forcefully, which did the trick. Otherwise, I would have been fine with it setting up camp inside my left nostril; "
Not a single Cuban missile was launched during the Bay of Pigs era, but there were a motherlode of dynamite pins that ignited our tempest in room 301.
Not many six year olds learn chemistry in the first grade. I did. Did you know that by hiding a penny under one's tongue, the copper element in the coin sent the mercury in oral thermometers of the day to sick and contagious status? I faithfully counted on pennies from Heaven to score a few days reprieve from school before Hell found me again. (I had no idea about the penny thing! Is there even copper in them these days?" )
And Patty screaming, "I hate you!" and running for her life, like a gazelle trying to elude a hungry leopard. Oh, I was rolling with this one.
I love the analogy to the Wizard of Oz. I remember watching it every year, too. That woman really was a witch. Your forever friendship with Kayla is just what you said. In my opinion, it's like a bonding of abuse victims.
Very funny as usual. This should be my go-to when I'm having a bad day. It used to be "Damn You Autocorrect", but now I think it should be "Go to Mary's portfolio and find something old I haven't read before."
NOW...onto the reviews.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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You were just as funny seven months ago as you are today. I'm really the kind of person who kind of laughs inside when reading. You have me rolling and LMAO, OUT LOUD.
I liked:
At the tender age of scared shitless,
And this one had me laughing so hard I knocked my glass of Pepsi over on my desk and had to rescue my cell phone and thumb drive:
"the class fly flew up my nose. I was too frightened to do anything but exhale forcefully, which did the trick. Otherwise, I would have been fine with it setting up camp inside my left nostril; "
Not a single Cuban missile was launched during the Bay of Pigs era, but there were a motherlode of dynamite pins that ignited our tempest in room 301.
Not many six year olds learn chemistry in the first grade. I did. Did you know that by hiding a penny under one's tongue, the copper element in the coin sent the mercury in oral thermometers of the day to sick and contagious status? I faithfully counted on pennies from Heaven to score a few days reprieve from school before Hell found me again. (I had no idea about the penny thing! Is there even copper in them these days?" )
And Patty screaming, "I hate you!" and running for her life, like a gazelle trying to elude a hungry leopard. Oh, I was rolling with this one.
I love the analogy to the Wizard of Oz. I remember watching it every year, too. That woman really was a witch. Your forever friendship with Kayla is just what you said. In my opinion, it's like a bonding of abuse victims.
Very funny as usual. This should be my go-to when I'm having a bad day. It used to be "Damn You Autocorrect", but now I think it should be "Go to Mary's portfolio and find something old I haven't read before."
NOW...onto the reviews.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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This could be my favorite review! 😍 Your reviews leave me in stitches, Kelly!
Thank you for this great feedback, and sharing the parts that cracked you up. I appreciate you! As to replacing autotext messages gone awry, I don't know...those are pretty stellar! Have an awesome weekend and thank you so much!!
Comment from CDyer
Oh my stars! I would not have survived that! I don't think I could say anything to express my disgust with her torture that you did not touch on in your notes. Very aptly named. Loved the references to "The Wizard of Oz". Definitely not one of those formative times you could say, "Now I can laugh about it." So sorry for all of her helpless victims.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Oh my stars! I would not have survived that! I don't think I could say anything to express my disgust with her torture that you did not touch on in your notes. Very aptly named. Loved the references to "The Wizard of Oz". Definitely not one of those formative times you could say, "Now I can laugh about it." So sorry for all of her helpless victims.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Thank you, CDyer, for your read, review and rating. Very much appreciated. I think I barely survived that year and was a very shy child for most of grade school. I have no idea if my shyness was resultant of her meanness, but likely fed it. Over the years, I've often wondered why my parents, or any others, didn't step up, but then again the church in the l960's was a very different place than today. She would have been up on charges, and should have been in real world. Thank you again.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Mary. I remember winning this contest back in 2005! LOL...I even remember the bit. It was called "Fire and Ice" LOL
You have done a marvelous job weith this story, Mary. Your images are concrete and striking, like:
"Sr. Baptista, a Daughter of Charity and our keeper and warden, was draped in clothing childhood night terrors are made of. The accessory on her head only added to the horror. It had wings and appeared structurally similar to the paper airplanes my older brother was continually launching across the room at me, although much larger, and wired to the top of this nun's seemingly hairless head."
And:"The nun turned tail in hot pursuit of the young escapee, her dark robe lapping her ugly black shoes and rosary beads flying as if chasing the demon. Jesus was bouncing on the end of her beads as if trying to stop the crazy nun, or at least slow her pace giving the running gazelle a chance at escape."
Bravo! Good job, my friend. Well worth the read and I wish you good luck in the contest. :) Bob
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Hi, Mary. I remember winning this contest back in 2005! LOL...I even remember the bit. It was called "Fire and Ice" LOL
You have done a marvelous job weith this story, Mary. Your images are concrete and striking, like:
"Sr. Baptista, a Daughter of Charity and our keeper and warden, was draped in clothing childhood night terrors are made of. The accessory on her head only added to the horror. It had wings and appeared structurally similar to the paper airplanes my older brother was continually launching across the room at me, although much larger, and wired to the top of this nun's seemingly hairless head."
And:"The nun turned tail in hot pursuit of the young escapee, her dark robe lapping her ugly black shoes and rosary beads flying as if chasing the demon. Jesus was bouncing on the end of her beads as if trying to stop the crazy nun, or at least slow her pace giving the running gazelle a chance at escape."
Bravo! Good job, my friend. Well worth the read and I wish you good luck in the contest. :) Bob
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Yay! Reviewed by Mastery :) Thank you for your counsel in strategizing too, and for this wonderful review and rating. You'll be happy to know the addition of your review got me to my first ever "All Time Best Status", with the count, so thank you for that too! The first is always the sweetest. The contest ended in March, and I didn't so much as place, but I'm thinking Sr. Baptista may have been on the review panel! Oh well, the pain of defeat will prepare me for future publisher rejection, right?!
Have a great day, and thanks again for the assist!
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:) Bob
Comment from Jonesy
Yeah, here's the thing: What sets the talented and professional writer apart from everyone else? Is it really knowing and applying the rules, or making sure the accepted writing mechanics are adhered to?
No, it's detail. Relevant and interesting detail that allows the reader to fully immerse themselves in the story. And if there's one overwhelming sense I had when reading this, it's that this author understand not just that, but how to employ those details in the most effective way.
I can also say I'm not yet at this author's level. But the good news is I recognize that and know what I need to get there, which is at least half the battle.
If I ever need a reminder of what I need to do to get there, I can just reread this post.
Easily one of the best posts I've read here on Fanstory.
Okay, so below is where I normally note mistakes by enclosing them in asterisks. Instead, I decided to list my favorite lines because, well, I don't think this actually has any mistakes.
***draped in clothing childhood night terrors***
Oh, man! So glad to see it's not just me. How nuns dress has always creeped me out.
***At the tender age of scared shitless***
Ha!
*** Jesus was bouncing on the end of her beads as if trying to stop the crazy nun***
Ha again!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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Yeah, here's the thing: What sets the talented and professional writer apart from everyone else? Is it really knowing and applying the rules, or making sure the accepted writing mechanics are adhered to?
No, it's detail. Relevant and interesting detail that allows the reader to fully immerse themselves in the story. And if there's one overwhelming sense I had when reading this, it's that this author understand not just that, but how to employ those details in the most effective way.
I can also say I'm not yet at this author's level. But the good news is I recognize that and know what I need to get there, which is at least half the battle.
If I ever need a reminder of what I need to do to get there, I can just reread this post.
Easily one of the best posts I've read here on Fanstory.
Okay, so below is where I normally note mistakes by enclosing them in asterisks. Instead, I decided to list my favorite lines because, well, I don't think this actually has any mistakes.
***draped in clothing childhood night terrors***
Oh, man! So glad to see it's not just me. How nuns dress has always creeped me out.
***At the tender age of scared shitless***
Ha!
*** Jesus was bouncing on the end of her beads as if trying to stop the crazy nun***
Ha again!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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Oh my goodness. Where do I start Jonesy. First of all, thank you so much for your fabulous review, and exceptional rating. I hold claim to very few of those and they are coveted, let me tell you. I was so enheartened to read your review and summation. I suffered through this one particularly and a hit to my confidence following a rather scathing review of it. So thank you for that so much. Your words have definitely inspired me to continue on my track which isn't for everyone, but is authentic to me. I don't necessarily need or want to "rule write", I seek only to be read. Those damn diagrams in writing class drove me to eye tics, anyway. Thank you so much for your words, and for your follow. I may frame this, and read it when I'm feeling lost in a story. Have an awesome Tuesday!
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You're welcome. I don't know anything about that scathing review of course, but do know some members here don't always recognize good writing when they see it. Some tend to look at things like, "Well, I don't like this, so there must be something wrong."
That's not terribly objective.
Comment from Mrsjones14
Thank you for sharing this really interesting piece. You can sense the 'hell' from the beginning, the experiences being described common for many who experienced Roman Catholic schooling or even just those who have watched films on the subject matter. I loved how you interjected humour in to the piece, particularly poignant at points where the hell seems at its worse.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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Thank you for sharing this really interesting piece. You can sense the 'hell' from the beginning, the experiences being described common for many who experienced Roman Catholic schooling or even just those who have watched films on the subject matter. I loved how you interjected humour in to the piece, particularly poignant at points where the hell seems at its worse.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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Thank you, Mrsjones 14 for the continued follow and review and excellent rating of this piece. I am so glad you found it interesting. Every ounce of it true, right down to the chapel veil pin. Thank you again for your support. Have an excellent Tuesday!
Comment from Helen Bach
What an excellent read, I was fascinated from beginning to end. I cannot wrap my head around how a person can abuse children with such cruelty. What an absolute horror she was.
You demonstrate able penmanship that guides us through your experience with humour and wisdom. There are several gems in this. I loved how Patty shouted 'i hate you' and ran. I just know I would have done that and so much worse.
When I was about 7 and my brother a year older we would play on a convent field and there were apple trees that we would climb and help ourselves to until we got chased by a ninja nun who was about 120 years old, I bet it was the same witch, sent to England for her sins. She could narf move and I created my own yellow brick road. Thank you for a smashing read, I'm surprised you didn't do well in the contest. Perhaps the evil nun was on the panel xx
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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What an excellent read, I was fascinated from beginning to end. I cannot wrap my head around how a person can abuse children with such cruelty. What an absolute horror she was.
You demonstrate able penmanship that guides us through your experience with humour and wisdom. There are several gems in this. I loved how Patty shouted 'i hate you' and ran. I just know I would have done that and so much worse.
When I was about 7 and my brother a year older we would play on a convent field and there were apple trees that we would climb and help ourselves to until we got chased by a ninja nun who was about 120 years old, I bet it was the same witch, sent to England for her sins. She could narf move and I created my own yellow brick road. Thank you for a smashing read, I'm surprised you didn't do well in the contest. Perhaps the evil nun was on the panel xx
Comment Written 04-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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Ah, Helen, thank you for the wonderful review and rating. I needed it after today! Your review was as funny to me as well, 'narf a move'... 'ninja nun'. I think you might be right about the nun on the panel, although thanks to the lovely people of FS and their suggestions for improvement, you read a better version of it than originally entered :) Thank you so much, Helen. From across the pond, I will read this review several times when I'm not feeling so confident. XO
Comment from DianeK
I am sorry that happened to you, however I am grateful that you were able to see the silver lining in a life long friendship and didn't lump all nun's in the mean and nasty category.
I thought your writing was suburb and very creative. I especially liked the anonlgy of the gazzle being chased by a leopard. I was visually there.
I think you were very brave to write a story of how it felt to be treated bad by a teacher, especially one in the religious school system. I believe this is an important lesson of the impact a school teacher can have on the young minds so I am glad you wrote it.
Thank you,
Diane
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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I am sorry that happened to you, however I am grateful that you were able to see the silver lining in a life long friendship and didn't lump all nun's in the mean and nasty category.
I thought your writing was suburb and very creative. I especially liked the anonlgy of the gazzle being chased by a leopard. I was visually there.
I think you were very brave to write a story of how it felt to be treated bad by a teacher, especially one in the religious school system. I believe this is an important lesson of the impact a school teacher can have on the young minds so I am glad you wrote it.
Thank you,
Diane
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Oh my goodness, thank you for the exceptional rating on this story, Diane! So very much appreciated. I very much appreciate your indepth review of my story. Thank you for taking the time to read a longer submission! Have a beautiful Sunday!
Comment from johngie
Dear Mary,
My heart goes out to all the poor children in that class. To have such a tyrant as a teacher gives me the shudders. I, too, was a victim at a young age by a teacher. I have blocked it all out but my parents tell me of coming home from school one day with bruises all over. They said I told them I was hit because I was not in my seat when I was told to sit down. I was the only white child in the class. I don't remember any of it thank God.
You did a great job in telling your story. Best of luck to you in the competition.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Dear Mary,
My heart goes out to all the poor children in that class. To have such a tyrant as a teacher gives me the shudders. I, too, was a victim at a young age by a teacher. I have blocked it all out but my parents tell me of coming home from school one day with bruises all over. They said I told them I was hit because I was not in my seat when I was told to sit down. I was the only white child in the class. I don't remember any of it thank God.
You did a great job in telling your story. Best of luck to you in the competition.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you, John, for your review and rating. I am sorry for your rough start, and it would never be allowed in today's climate and should never have happened, period. Thank goodness we survived and can write about it with clarity! Thank you, John. Have a great Sunday!
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, I enjoyed this story about your private hell found you at the tender age of six. It must have been daunting at such an impressionable age. Could be edited to be less wordy. Well told. All the best. Ulla
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Hi there, I enjoyed this story about your private hell found you at the tender age of six. It must have been daunting at such an impressionable age. Could be edited to be less wordy. Well told. All the best. Ulla
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you very much, Ulla, for your review and rating. You were right, and I have gone back and edited. Thank you for that suggestion. I appreciate your review and rating. Have a great Sunday!
