Soldier in the Rain
Rain washes out a block party.19 total reviews
Comment from F. Wehr3
I believe this is the first story I have read by you. I was impressed with your story telling ability and the depth of your characters. Nicely done!
I had one question:
'The Halls' verandah was wide enough' is this an alternate spelling of 'veranda?'
I am sorry I missed the vote for this competition.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2016
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I believe this is the first story I have read by you. I was impressed with your story telling ability and the depth of your characters. Nicely done!
I had one question:
'The Halls' verandah was wide enough' is this an alternate spelling of 'veranda?'
I am sorry I missed the vote for this competition.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 10-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2016
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Thank you, Russell, for sharing my story and your very kind praise. Yes, "verandah" is an alternate spelling of "veranda," used mostly in the southern states of the U. S. I live in the Midwest and have no idea why I chose that spelling. Feel free to browse through my profile anytime. Rod
Comment from Ric Myworld
There were a lot of these conversations I would presume as everyone was talking about everything that was going one. Some believing one way and others seeing a completely different picture. But know what? Isn't that usually the case. Give them all the same information and they come up with twenty different conclusions. Doesn't seem possible, but it is. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2016
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There were a lot of these conversations I would presume as everyone was talking about everything that was going one. Some believing one way and others seeing a completely different picture. But know what? Isn't that usually the case. Give them all the same information and they come up with twenty different conclusions. Doesn't seem possible, but it is. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 10-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2016
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Thanks for sharing "Soldier in the Rain," Ric. Indeed, I recall having heated discussions with many of my neighbor's that summer about Watergate. Rod
Comment from Eric1
Hi Rod, I really enjoyed reading this well written story about the multi cultured residents of Rainey avenue in the summer of 73.
To include the Watergate scandal ( as it was and still is known over here) was an inspirational idea my friend.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2016
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Hi Rod, I really enjoyed reading this well written story about the multi cultured residents of Rainey avenue in the summer of 73.
To include the Watergate scandal ( as it was and still is known over here) was an inspirational idea my friend.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2016
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Thank you, Eric, for sharing the story. I am delighted you enjoyed reading about the cultural diversity of this SINGLE block in a small village and how Watergate did affect everyone back then. Rod
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You are very welcome my friend.
Comment from Robert Louis Fox
This is good writing with a lot of good dialog. Lot's of emotional currents too. The descriptions are well done. Things are moving right along, only the piece is not really about a storm approaching; it's more like a holiday scene with a brief moment of rain and lightning--not really about the suspense of an approaching storm.
Keep up the good work. Best regards, BobFox
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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This is good writing with a lot of good dialog. Lot's of emotional currents too. The descriptions are well done. Things are moving right along, only the piece is not really about a storm approaching; it's more like a holiday scene with a brief moment of rain and lightning--not really about the suspense of an approaching storm.
Keep up the good work. Best regards, BobFox
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Thank you, Robert, for sharing my story and your great review. Of course you are right about the story being mostly about what preceded the storm (the problem with selecting a chapter from a novel). As always, I really appreciate your looking in on my work. Rod
Comment from Dawn Munro
This is well done, but, "Have you ever seen a man about as big and ungainly..." is addressing your reader directly, which removes him or her from the story. As the author, you want to remain invisible.
Otherwise, I found it held my interest from start to finish.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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This is well done, but, "Have you ever seen a man about as big and ungainly..." is addressing your reader directly, which removes him or her from the story. As the author, you want to remain invisible.
Otherwise, I found it held my interest from start to finish.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Thank you for sharing my story and your kind praise. This story comes from a novel that is narrated by Micki in the first person point of view. In the prolog she addresses the reader directly and continues to do so periodically throughout the story.
Comment from frogbook
This was so well written I was immersed in it and rather disappointed to know it was only one chapter. It fit the prompt very well. the characters were interesting and well portrayed. Great story.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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This was so well written I was immersed in it and rather disappointed to know it was only one chapter. It fit the prompt very well. the characters were interesting and well portrayed. Great story.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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I am delighted you enjoyed the story, frogbook, and your encouraging review makes me want to share other chapters now. Thank you so much. Rod
Comment from Jackreese
You paint a very clear picture of the 1970's. The people you introduce us to could be our neighbors. The political discussion on Nixon's impeachment to Billy's heartache kept the pace and story moving. I will be back to read the next chapter.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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You paint a very clear picture of the 1970's. The people you introduce us to could be our neighbors. The political discussion on Nixon's impeachment to Billy's heartache kept the pace and story moving. I will be back to read the next chapter.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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You made my day when you said the people "could be our neighbors." That, of course, is my intent for the WHOLE NOVEL I wrote. I am pleased you liked the pacing and your encouragement makes me want to post other chapters now. Thank you so much for the exceptional rating, too! Rod
Comment from Scarbrems
I enjoyed this tale of both storm and street life. You fleshed out some good characters here. The stormy weather seemed to echo the storm in the young soldier's mind. Good job, good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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I enjoyed this tale of both storm and street life. You fleshed out some good characters here. The stormy weather seemed to echo the storm in the young soldier's mind. Good job, good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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I truly appreciate your sharing my story, and am delighted you caught my point about the storm "echoing" in the young soldier's mind. Thank you for your kind praise.
Comment from scd41
You have narrated well the approaching storm and the story is gripping. It is full of dialogues and they have been introduced appropriately and realistically. It is a common experience in most gatherings that politics cannot be avoided altogether. In the first line, the month of July appears as july. A small correction is perhaps required.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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You have narrated well the approaching storm and the story is gripping. It is full of dialogues and they have been introduced appropriately and realistically. It is a common experience in most gatherings that politics cannot be avoided altogether. In the first line, the month of July appears as july. A small correction is perhaps required.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much for sharing my story and your kind praise.
Comment from kathleenspalding
Good slice of the 1970's life. Well paced & good dialogue. (Sorry, but it really was very risky going on that aluminum ladder!) As a stand-alone story, my only suggestion would be to establish/confirm a little more about the age & sex of the main character a little earlier in the story. (For instance, a young boy might have been jealous of the soldier's attention, too.)
I never heard of bunting other than the bird - common midwest word?
A couple typos & questions:
1st sentence, capitalize July
It was pitch...did you mean onto instead of on to Billy?
I left the porch... capitalize I in ...so i could see....
"What Billy?... - did you mean to have a question mark after War?
That's it. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Good slice of the 1970's life. Well paced & good dialogue. (Sorry, but it really was very risky going on that aluminum ladder!) As a stand-alone story, my only suggestion would be to establish/confirm a little more about the age & sex of the main character a little earlier in the story. (For instance, a young boy might have been jealous of the soldier's attention, too.)
I never heard of bunting other than the bird - common midwest word?
A couple typos & questions:
1st sentence, capitalize July
It was pitch...did you mean onto instead of on to Billy?
I left the porch... capitalize I in ...so i could see....
"What Billy?... - did you mean to have a question mark after War?
That's it. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much, Kathleen, for this marvelous review. I am delighted you enjoyed this slice of life and truly appreciate your comments and close editing. "bunting" is streamers and flags used to decorate (you see it a lot these days with the political candidates' campaigns).
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You're welcome and thanks for the definition of bunting. :-)
