Free Verse Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "A Snow Job"A collection of free verse poems
42 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Soft
the snowflakes fall
from swirling skies;
I love your poetic devise here of reversing the image and having the sky swirl instead of the snow swirl in the sky.
I do no lie - [not sure of your intention here ..."I do NOT ? lie ]
A lovely, evocative and socially meaningful poem.
Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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Soft
the snowflakes fall
from swirling skies;
I love your poetic devise here of reversing the image and having the sky swirl instead of the snow swirl in the sky.
I do no lie - [not sure of your intention here ..."I do NOT ? lie ]
A lovely, evocative and socially meaningful poem.
Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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Thanks, Jay, for dropping by to review and your generous comments. Also for pointing out the typo - now fixed. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from rjuselius
This is a beautiful social commentary and philosophical sentiment dear Tony! The imagery is rather exquisite and in the end quite breathtaking.
Thank you for sharing!
Blessings!
Rebekka x
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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This is a beautiful social commentary and philosophical sentiment dear Tony! The imagery is rather exquisite and in the end quite breathtaking.
Thank you for sharing!
Blessings!
Rebekka x
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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Thanks, Rebekkah. The plight of the New York homeless huddled among heaps of dirty snow and garbage left quite an impression on me. I appreciate your dropping by to review and your generous comments. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from rama devi
Wish I had a six for this exquisite, poignant, intense, touching and memorable free verse. I think this should do well in the contest, dear Tony. It's REMARKABLE! The soft hushed tones with alliteration and consonance of S sound like snowfall and paint an ironically soft background to the harsh subject of homeless heaps suffering in the snow. the complex metaphorical import of "snow" hiding the 'grime' and 'muffling human margins' (stroke of genius line, by the way) is awesome. The closing thaw and tears more awesome still.
This poem gave me goosebumps both on the level of theme and meaning (including metaphorical imagery) and the phonetic craft level with finesse in phrasing that rolls off the tongue.
Every word is carefully considered and carries its weight. This is tight, polished and publishable.
Superb flow too.
Bravo. So impressed!
Favorite lines are these:
a silent drift
that muffles
human margins;
a deadly flutter
that numbs the raw
of snow-grit
homeless heaps.
and I love the intensity of this stanza:
Listen!
Can you hear
the crunch
of frozen sidewalk smut
beneath that traffic noise
and siren scream?
Potent closing note:
assaulting grime
with tears.
I applaud all the artistic alliteration as well.
Warmly, rd
PS Six stars ******
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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Wish I had a six for this exquisite, poignant, intense, touching and memorable free verse. I think this should do well in the contest, dear Tony. It's REMARKABLE! The soft hushed tones with alliteration and consonance of S sound like snowfall and paint an ironically soft background to the harsh subject of homeless heaps suffering in the snow. the complex metaphorical import of "snow" hiding the 'grime' and 'muffling human margins' (stroke of genius line, by the way) is awesome. The closing thaw and tears more awesome still.
This poem gave me goosebumps both on the level of theme and meaning (including metaphorical imagery) and the phonetic craft level with finesse in phrasing that rolls off the tongue.
Every word is carefully considered and carries its weight. This is tight, polished and publishable.
Superb flow too.
Bravo. So impressed!
Favorite lines are these:
a silent drift
that muffles
human margins;
a deadly flutter
that numbs the raw
of snow-grit
homeless heaps.
and I love the intensity of this stanza:
Listen!
Can you hear
the crunch
of frozen sidewalk smut
beneath that traffic noise
and siren scream?
Potent closing note:
assaulting grime
with tears.
I applaud all the artistic alliteration as well.
Warmly, rd
PS Six stars ******
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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Such a heart-warming review, RD! I can feel the snow thawing around me! You are right. I've been fiddling with this one for several days trying to get it right. It has been completely recast a number of times. Receiving feedback such as yours is most affirming. Best wishes, Tony
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Yay! :-)))
Comment from TAB_that's me
Wow! This is very powerful and full of descriptive words and concrete imagery. I wish I had a six left for it.
~~teresa~~
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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Wow! This is very powerful and full of descriptive words and concrete imagery. I wish I had a six left for it.
~~teresa~~
Comment Written 06-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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Thanks, Teresa. The plight of the New York homeless huddled among heaps of dirty snow and garbage left quite an impression on me. I appreciate your dropping by to review and your generous comments. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from mbagby23
They say we should get a little more snow on Tuesday. I hope it's doesn't last as long as the last snowfall. I did hear the crunch in the last snowfall. It was hard and crispy. This is a good contest entry. Good luck.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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They say we should get a little more snow on Tuesday. I hope it's doesn't last as long as the last snowfall. I did hear the crunch in the last snowfall. It was hard and crispy. This is a good contest entry. Good luck.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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Thank you, MB. I appreciate your review. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from DonandVicki
This poem speaks to the coldness of the winter months and to the cold and empty life that the homeless must endure all year long.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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This poem speaks to the coldness of the winter months and to the cold and empty life that the homeless must endure all year long.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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Thank you, DonandVicki. I appreciate your empathetic review. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from I am Cat
Hello Tony,
this is a lovely entry into the free verse contest.
With some great pieces inside it that really caught my eye:
a silent drift
that muffles
human margins;
(love that part)
a deadly flutter
that numbs the raw
of snow-grit
homeless heaps.
(and this!)
Listen!
Can you hear
the crunch
of frozen sidewalk smut
beneath that traffic noise
and siren scream?
(great imagery, I hear it, and I am there)
I do no(t) lie (should this be 'not'?)
well done Tony... that looks like a cold place to be... makes me sad for those who sleep outdoors :(
good luck in the contest
Cat
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
|
Hello Tony,
this is a lovely entry into the free verse contest.
With some great pieces inside it that really caught my eye:
a silent drift
that muffles
human margins;
(love that part)
a deadly flutter
that numbs the raw
of snow-grit
homeless heaps.
(and this!)
Listen!
Can you hear
the crunch
of frozen sidewalk smut
beneath that traffic noise
and siren scream?
(great imagery, I hear it, and I am there)
I do no(t) lie (should this be 'not'?)
well done Tony... that looks like a cold place to be... makes me sad for those who sleep outdoors :(
good luck in the contest
Cat
Comment Written 06-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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Not quite as cold as it has been, but still remnants of the record snowfall of a couple of weeks ago here in New York. Quite a change from Adelaide with temperatures hovering around 100F. I had to think about this one for a few days, to try and get the imagery right. The plight of the homeless seems so hopeless at this time of the year. Thanks for the sag alert - now fixed.
Comment from Leineco
You lure us in with lacy lilting imagery
Soft
the snowflakes fall
from swirling skies;
a silent drift
that muffles
human margins;
[- the artificial boundaries cloaked in a blanket of snow...
But wait! Not those you fool - the margins of society!
Dang - too late, I'm already invested!]
and then you assail us with the terrible cost
hiding behind this white innocence!
the crunch of frozen sidewalk smut
... [the] traffic noise and siren scream
the residue of sidewalk slush,
assaulting grime with tears
reminding us - "all that glitters is not gold"
Great Free Verse entry T :-)
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
|
You lure us in with lacy lilting imagery
Soft
the snowflakes fall
from swirling skies;
a silent drift
that muffles
human margins;
[- the artificial boundaries cloaked in a blanket of snow...
But wait! Not those you fool - the margins of society!
Dang - too late, I'm already invested!]
and then you assail us with the terrible cost
hiding behind this white innocence!
the crunch of frozen sidewalk smut
... [the] traffic noise and siren scream
the residue of sidewalk slush,
assaulting grime with tears
reminding us - "all that glitters is not gold"
Great Free Verse entry T :-)
Comment Written 06-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
-
Thank you, Leineco. I appreciate your empathetic review and kind words about the poem's imagery.. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from closetpoetjester
Hey Tony, great free verse, my friend. How cold these poor souls must be and who spares a thought for the homeless when it's snowing? Besides you? LOL
Not many I'd think as they'd all be bunking down in their nice warm houses and bitching and moaning about having to wait for the snow plough to dig them out.
At least they have four walls and a damn roof, food and hopefully heating.
I don't see soggy cardboard holding up to this white shit and even once the thaw starts, it turns from ice to slush...as you narrated so well in your last stanza.
Terrific stuff mate! Good luck in the contest.
Really enjoyed the depth in this poem.
Hugs P
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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Hey Tony, great free verse, my friend. How cold these poor souls must be and who spares a thought for the homeless when it's snowing? Besides you? LOL
Not many I'd think as they'd all be bunking down in their nice warm houses and bitching and moaning about having to wait for the snow plough to dig them out.
At least they have four walls and a damn roof, food and hopefully heating.
I don't see soggy cardboard holding up to this white shit and even once the thaw starts, it turns from ice to slush...as you narrated so well in your last stanza.
Terrific stuff mate! Good luck in the contest.
Really enjoyed the depth in this poem.
Hugs P
Comment Written 06-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
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Thanks, P. It's a while since I've visited New York at this time of the year. The plight of the homeless is quite confronting. Thanks for your kind review. It took me a while to put my thoughts into words.
Comment from rspoet
This is a very fine entry for the contest
A free verse poem that swirls like snow flakes
Surface beauty, skin deep
but below the homeless heaps suffer
Frozen, lost in traffic noise
Rainbows glisten in the crystal cold
still the pain of grime and tears
Excellent poem and picture to match
I've not a six left
But I wish you well in the contest
Very nicely done
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
|
This is a very fine entry for the contest
A free verse poem that swirls like snow flakes
Surface beauty, skin deep
but below the homeless heaps suffer
Frozen, lost in traffic noise
Rainbows glisten in the crystal cold
still the pain of grime and tears
Excellent poem and picture to match
I've not a six left
But I wish you well in the contest
Very nicely done
Comment Written 06-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
-
Thank you, rspoet. I appreciate your empathetic review and kind words. Best wishes, Tony
