Free Verse Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "A Snow Job"A collection of free verse poems
42 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A lovely free verse, my friend. I don't think I have read a free verse of yours before. This is well done. Best wishes in the contest~Debbie
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2016
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A lovely free verse, my friend. I don't think I have read a free verse of yours before. This is well done. Best wishes in the contest~Debbie
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2016
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Many thanks, Debbie. Much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from pattipac
Tony, you poem about the homeless having to endure the onslaught of winter's cold tugs at our hearts. Long ago, I stopped putting restrictions on any money I give to a homeless person.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Tony, you poem about the homeless having to endure the onslaught of winter's cold tugs at our hearts. Long ago, I stopped putting restrictions on any money I give to a homeless person.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Thanks, Pattipac. It's good to hear of someone putting their money where their mouth is!
Comment from NicciFaye
Interesting. The, "I need your money for ice" is a unique thought in comparison with this picture and what you were imagining. Great poem and good entry for the free verse contest.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Interesting. The, "I need your money for ice" is a unique thought in comparison with this picture and what you were imagining. Great poem and good entry for the free verse contest.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Thanks, Nicci. That line was inspired by a young man near Times Square who had a cardboard placard behind him declaring that at least he told the truth - he needed the money for drugs. A stark contrast against those shapeless huddled heaps buried from the cold under newspapers, cardboard and blankets.
Comment from Kaydoe
This poem is beautifully written. I like how you wrote, "a silent drift muffles human margins" as if it keeps people away from him. It is a very lonely picture amongst the beautiful snow, but then gets swept away as it thaws. The life of the homeless is felt in this imagery. Well done!
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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This poem is beautifully written. I like how you wrote, "a silent drift muffles human margins" as if it keeps people away from him. It is a very lonely picture amongst the beautiful snow, but then gets swept away as it thaws. The life of the homeless is felt in this imagery. Well done!
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Thanks, Kaydoe. I appreciate your kind comments. Tony
Comment from NJK62
Hi Tony. I was interested to see you venturing into my territory of 'free verse'. This is yet another example of your versatility and accomplishment as a poet.
The verse begins with an almost cliched picture of a winter scene in which the winter scene is presented as benign: the snowflakes are 'soft', an idea strengthened by the alliterative 's' of 'soft' and 'snowflakes' and the gentle consonance of 'flakes' and 'fall'. However, it stops from being a cliche because of the less predicable idea of skies swirling rather than snowflakes.
Soft
the snowflakes fall
from swirling skies;
In the second stanza a more ominous note enters the poem: the image of 'muffled' suggests on one level the quietness of the snow scene, but on another level it suggests a 'deadening', something or someone hidden or the idea that is ignored or repressed. In this case 'human margins'. The metaphor of 'margins' is both powerful and apt: in that it refers to the homeless, those whom society has marginalised.
a silent drift
that muffles
human margins;
In the third stanza this ominous note is developed further: snow becomes 'a deadly flutter'. It brings suffering: it 'numbs' and 'raw(s)'. The description of the homeless as 'heaps' again is deeply resonant: it suggests them huddled up under what covering that they can find, but also captures the way society views them as less than human. The idea is given additional emphasis by the alliterative 'h' sound.
a deadly flutter
that numbs the raw
of snow-grit
homeless heaps.
The next stanza begins with a call for the reader's attention: 'Listen!' and the rhetorical question. There is an ugliness now: 'sidewalk smut' and the alliterative, onomatopoeic 'siren scream' suggests the urgency of this human tragedy.
Listen!
Can you hear
the crunch
of frozen sidewalk smut
beneath that traffic noise
and siren scream?
The next stanza is less clear to me. Is this the voice of the poet or the voice of a spokesperson for the homeless? If it is a homeless person, there is a a wonderful ambiguity in the opening line: 'I do not lie'. 'Lie' has connotations of laziness and dishonesty, two qualities often unthinkingly associated with the stereotypical view of the feckless homeless. Their need is contrasted with the colourful yet harsh beauty of the scene in winter sunshine. The choice of the word 'rainbows' is interesting, particularly when it is juxtaposed with the material need of the homeless with its associations with 'pots of gold'!
I do not lie -
I need your money for the ice!
Rainbows
glisten in the sun
as it grows crystal cold.
The final stanza ends the poem fittingly with its image of 'assaulting grime with tears', another deeply resonant image that uses the physical world to comment on our own emotional landscapes: it calls for our compassion for these poor souls who suffer so in winter, yet whose plight is overlooked and dismissed by those who see the homeless as little more than human detritus in our streets.
Then comes the thaw,
and whirring snowplow brush
to sweep away
the residue of sidewalk slush,
assaulting grime
with tears.
This is a powerful poem and I too feel like one of your other reviewers who has also entered this competition: it puts my entry in the shade! Well done again. Nigel.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Hi Tony. I was interested to see you venturing into my territory of 'free verse'. This is yet another example of your versatility and accomplishment as a poet.
The verse begins with an almost cliched picture of a winter scene in which the winter scene is presented as benign: the snowflakes are 'soft', an idea strengthened by the alliterative 's' of 'soft' and 'snowflakes' and the gentle consonance of 'flakes' and 'fall'. However, it stops from being a cliche because of the less predicable idea of skies swirling rather than snowflakes.
Soft
the snowflakes fall
from swirling skies;
In the second stanza a more ominous note enters the poem: the image of 'muffled' suggests on one level the quietness of the snow scene, but on another level it suggests a 'deadening', something or someone hidden or the idea that is ignored or repressed. In this case 'human margins'. The metaphor of 'margins' is both powerful and apt: in that it refers to the homeless, those whom society has marginalised.
a silent drift
that muffles
human margins;
In the third stanza this ominous note is developed further: snow becomes 'a deadly flutter'. It brings suffering: it 'numbs' and 'raw(s)'. The description of the homeless as 'heaps' again is deeply resonant: it suggests them huddled up under what covering that they can find, but also captures the way society views them as less than human. The idea is given additional emphasis by the alliterative 'h' sound.
a deadly flutter
that numbs the raw
of snow-grit
homeless heaps.
The next stanza begins with a call for the reader's attention: 'Listen!' and the rhetorical question. There is an ugliness now: 'sidewalk smut' and the alliterative, onomatopoeic 'siren scream' suggests the urgency of this human tragedy.
Listen!
Can you hear
the crunch
of frozen sidewalk smut
beneath that traffic noise
and siren scream?
The next stanza is less clear to me. Is this the voice of the poet or the voice of a spokesperson for the homeless? If it is a homeless person, there is a a wonderful ambiguity in the opening line: 'I do not lie'. 'Lie' has connotations of laziness and dishonesty, two qualities often unthinkingly associated with the stereotypical view of the feckless homeless. Their need is contrasted with the colourful yet harsh beauty of the scene in winter sunshine. The choice of the word 'rainbows' is interesting, particularly when it is juxtaposed with the material need of the homeless with its associations with 'pots of gold'!
I do not lie -
I need your money for the ice!
Rainbows
glisten in the sun
as it grows crystal cold.
The final stanza ends the poem fittingly with its image of 'assaulting grime with tears', another deeply resonant image that uses the physical world to comment on our own emotional landscapes: it calls for our compassion for these poor souls who suffer so in winter, yet whose plight is overlooked and dismissed by those who see the homeless as little more than human detritus in our streets.
Then comes the thaw,
and whirring snowplow brush
to sweep away
the residue of sidewalk slush,
assaulting grime
with tears.
This is a powerful poem and I too feel like one of your other reviewers who has also entered this competition: it puts my entry in the shade! Well done again. Nigel.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Nigel, I am in awe of your thoroughness when reviewing. You have found and commented on almost all that I had hoped to put into this poem - which is most affirming. The oblique reference to 'ice' and 'rainbows' was a response to one street beggar I saw near Times Square who had a large cardboard placard declaring that he might as well tell the truth - he needed the money for drugs. The rainbow was his high and the subsequent thaw, the resultant low. At least, that was what was in my mind at the time of writing!
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Nigel, I am in awe of your thoroughness when reviewing. You have found and commented on almost all that I had hoped to put into this poem - which is most affirming. The oblique reference to 'ice' and 'rainbows' was a response to one street beggar I saw near Times Square who had a large cardboard placard declaring that he might as well tell the truth - he needed the money for drugs. The rainbow was his high and the subsequent thaw, the resultant low. At least, that was what was in my mind at the time of writing!
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The pleasure is in the reading of your excellent work. Nigel.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Tony :)
I like your beautiful free verse poem. I enjoyed the vivid imagery, I am a very visual person so that helps. It's hard to be homeless, they may spend the nigth at a sherter but in the morning they have leave and them where can they go? Where can they hang around during the day? It's harder than you may think. Most people want homeless to go away. Well done!
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Hello, Tony :)
I like your beautiful free verse poem. I enjoyed the vivid imagery, I am a very visual person so that helps. It's hard to be homeless, they may spend the nigth at a sherter but in the morning they have leave and them where can they go? Where can they hang around during the day? It's harder than you may think. Most people want homeless to go away. Well done!
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Thanks, Rose. I appreciate your kind comments and empathy for these people who, for one reason or another, have fallen on hard times. Tony
Comment from Jeffers63
thank you for this lovely piece that tells a Winters tale, I really like the form and the words you have used to tell this story, good luck in the contest.
Regards
Jeffers63
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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thank you for this lovely piece that tells a Winters tale, I really like the form and the words you have used to tell this story, good luck in the contest.
Regards
Jeffers63
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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Thanks, Jeffers. I appreciate your review. Tony
Comment from patcelaw
This is an enjoyable read and a good entry in the free verse contest. Good luck in the contest. Blessings for a good week. Patricia
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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This is an enjoyable read and a good entry in the free verse contest. Good luck in the contest. Blessings for a good week. Patricia
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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Thanks, Patricia. I appreciate your review. Tony
Comment from nancyjam
This a beautiful and sensitive free verse.
Vivid imagery and strong metaphor convey
the heartbreak of the homeless as they contend
with the coldness of weather and those who ignore their
plight.
Good luck in the contest. this should do well.
Nancy
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
|
This a beautiful and sensitive free verse.
Vivid imagery and strong metaphor convey
the heartbreak of the homeless as they contend
with the coldness of weather and those who ignore their
plight.
Good luck in the contest. this should do well.
Nancy
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much, Nancy, for this encouraging and empathetic review and for the six stars. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from TPAC
Poetic in its structuring presentation, nice descriptive lines, I found it to be enchanting in its given conveyance: a good read.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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Poetic in its structuring presentation, nice descriptive lines, I found it to be enchanting in its given conveyance: a good read.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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Thanks, TPAC. I appreciate your review. Best wishes, Tony.
