Texas Dream Catcher
Viewing comments for Chapter 81 "Chapter Veinticuatro, (24) Pt. Cinco"Drug & human trafficking, can romance win?
39 total reviews
Comment from busses
Your love for writing shows! I enjoyed this Chapter in "Texas Dream Catcher" I will surely read the other Chapters to get a better handle on what is happening
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
  |
Your love for writing shows! I enjoyed this Chapter in "Texas Dream Catcher" I will surely read the other Chapters to get a better handle on what is happening
Comment Written 04-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from chcbeck
I love the dialogue, and the way you break this up with actions to create a real feel for the characters. A gripping read with good pace, the story moves forward well. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
|
I love the dialogue, and the way you break this up with actions to create a real feel for the characters. A gripping read with good pace, the story moves forward well. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Bryana
Hi dear Barbara, I'm hooked on your story. I'm glad
Soni and Jim are happy with each other. The dogs
brought the horses and they are on their way, I hope
is not an ambush.
I saw no problems, I'm not good at prose, I enjoy
everything you write.
Good luck to you.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
|
Hi dear Barbara, I'm hooked on your story. I'm glad
Soni and Jim are happy with each other. The dogs
brought the horses and they are on their way, I hope
is not an ambush.
I saw no problems, I'm not good at prose, I enjoy
everything you write.
Good luck to you.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review and the compliment.
Comment from Robert Louis Fox
Wow. Great stuff. You're so far beyond help there is really nothing to say. We'll be seeing you next on the best seller's list. Right? Keep up the great work! Best regards. BobFox
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
|
Wow. Great stuff. You're so far beyond help there is really nothing to say. We'll be seeing you next on the best seller's list. Right? Keep up the great work! Best regards. BobFox
Comment Written 04-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review. I would hope so. LOL
Comment from Writingfundimension
I love the way Soni and her grandfather have this strong psychic link. It makes sense for her to want to protect her heart, but it seems that Grandfather's advice will get her to think again. Well done, as always, Barbara.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
|
I love the way Soni and her grandfather have this strong psychic link. It makes sense for her to want to protect her heart, but it seems that Grandfather's advice will get her to think again. Well done, as always, Barbara.
:) Bev
Comment Written 03-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
-
Soni is extremely close to her grandfather. Thank you for the kind review.
-
You're welcome, Barbara.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
"I believe you're hard on him because you care deeply and it scares you. (That often happens.)
You sound like how I felt last week. For me, this week is a bit calmer. I like this ending. Well written chapter, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
|
"I believe you're hard on him because you care deeply and it scares you. (That often happens.)
You sound like how I felt last week. For me, this week is a bit calmer. I like this ending. Well written chapter, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 03-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
-
Every week has been like this weekly. This week my husband and son has been sick. I bet I get it next. LOL
Thank you for leaving this kind review.
Comment from hollywell
Thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your work.
I did find your wordy style, especially in the conversation with Grandad, disrupted my reading. I also feel more showing and less telling would add colour to your story.
I've taken the liberty of suggesting a revised opening as follows
Soni gazed wide-eyed towards the horizon. Her shoulders slumped and her hands fidgeted on her lap. Furrows in her brow testament to her inner conflict.
Her head slowly and she sighed.
"Grandfather?"
"Yes, my child."
"You know what happened."
Grandfather paused and fixed her with his crooked smile. "With the Cartel or Jim?"
I also think the paragraph on dishonesty is too word and below is my summary (precis)
"Dishonesty sucks. But Jim only lied to protect you. "
Enough of the negative I did enjoy reading the excerpt but it was rather short but did indicate a good story.
I do believe a good plot can make up for minor writing weaknesses.
However, a good edit and a read through is usually enough to show areas which need attention.
Good luck and again thank you for sharing this piece with me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
 |
Thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your work.
I did find your wordy style, especially in the conversation with Grandad, disrupted my reading. I also feel more showing and less telling would add colour to your story.
I've taken the liberty of suggesting a revised opening as follows
Soni gazed wide-eyed towards the horizon. Her shoulders slumped and her hands fidgeted on her lap. Furrows in her brow testament to her inner conflict.
Her head slowly and she sighed.
"Grandfather?"
"Yes, my child."
"You know what happened."
Grandfather paused and fixed her with his crooked smile. "With the Cartel or Jim?"
I also think the paragraph on dishonesty is too word and below is my summary (precis)
"Dishonesty sucks. But Jim only lied to protect you. "
Enough of the negative I did enjoy reading the excerpt but it was rather short but did indicate a good story.
I do believe a good plot can make up for minor writing weaknesses.
However, a good edit and a read through is usually enough to show areas which need attention.
Good luck and again thank you for sharing this piece with me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
-
I did make some of the suggested changes. I struggles with the others because they didn't follow with the characters of the story. Thank you for the help. I can't wait to read some of your work
Comment from trumby
OH! GOODY!
An ambush, hopefully with lots of shooting and bloodshed.
Well, at least they seem to be on the same team now.
Well written, with a good building of suspence
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
|
OH! GOODY!
An ambush, hopefully with lots of shooting and bloodshed.
Well, at least they seem to be on the same team now.
Well written, with a good building of suspence
Comment Written 03-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Barbara.Wilkey,
Nice piece in continuation.
Wording is simple as well as impressive.
Smooth and captivating flow, carrying the story forward in an interesting way.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
|
Hello Barbara.Wilkey,
Nice piece in continuation.
Wording is simple as well as impressive.
Smooth and captivating flow, carrying the story forward in an interesting way.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from elgone
This works well to advance the story. I read this as a story draft, not a finished product. Deatil, narrative etc. can be feathered in after the fact. The dialogue carries the story, as it should. It is interesting. I've been following it for a long time in weekly installments, so that's a good sign.
E
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
|
This works well to advance the story. I read this as a story draft, not a finished product. Deatil, narrative etc. can be feathered in after the fact. The dialogue carries the story, as it should. It is interesting. I've been following it for a long time in weekly installments, so that's a good sign.
E
Comment Written 03-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
-
I always enjoy hearing from you. Thank you
