Comment from Green Lake Girl

Excellent

Good setup chapter, Rhonda. I can't wait to hear the first Daredevil story. Supernatural beings, huh? Bring it on!

Curious--are you aiming your story at a young adult audience? Seems perfect for the age group.

Loved this line: "Nancy's heart sank to her fancy shoes." (Just a suggestion, but if you expanded the description just a wee bit, it might add some punch to the visual.)

I'm enjoying your story!

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2016

I did in the second chapter. That's one of the shortcomings of this site-- the lack of continuity. But thanks for the suggestion.

My target audience is young adult for this book, I'm glad you feel it fits in. All of my books are, but the Daredevil Girls is aimed at an even younger audience.

Thanks so much for reviewing. Action is coming shortly, I just had to set up some background. It will all play into something later.

reply by Green Lake Girl on 19-Jan-2016

You're right about that--the continuity on FS is definitely not the same as reading a book at a normal pace.

Your story totally fits the age group you're aiming for. Can't wait for the action scenes!

reply by the author on 19-Jan-2016

I'm almost to the action. I just have to introduce a few characters and then it's ready. All that I've written so far used to be in the first chapter...in that "other life". Thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from Linda Engel

Excellent

Cool beans. The time is set for us to hear the tales of her past and on Halloween . You picked a good day. I am sure she will have the attention of all the kids. Can't wait to see how you connect her past stories with events today, now that Nancy has grown up. Good chapter and looking forward to the next one.

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2016

The tie in necessitates the background stuff I'm doing, so I can't start with the action, which is what I normally do. Thanks for reading and reviewing,
Rhonda

Comment from a.w.brooks

Excellent

A great story I am ready for the next chapter, This is a very well put together. I didn't see anything that I could suggest. Great job on presenting this and a wonderful picture. Thanks for the read and Happy Writing

A.W.Brooks

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2016

Thank you so much, A.W.. You're input is very important for the development of the book.

Comment from Debbie Noland

Excellent

Well, now I am anxious to hear the stories, so you did a great job with your set-up and hook. I like the theme of the past taking up residence in the present. That should afford you some opportunities to say some things symbolically, if that is what you have in mind. The October 31 setting serves both to foreshadow and to boost curiosity/interest. I hope I get the chance to read more.

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2016

You are quite right, and thus the long lead in to the actual stories. I have a few more before she starts telling the stories for that very reason. Thanks so much for reading and letting me know how it's going!
Rhonda

Comment from MelB

Excellent

Boy, things do have a way of coming out of the past, don't they? I'm anxious to find out what else is going to pop up from the past.

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 Comment Written 18-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2016

Poor girl, and she tries so hard to put it behind her... Thanks for reading and leaving much needed feedback,
Rhonda

Comment from royowen

Excellent

So things are being set up for the reemergence of the daredevil Girls of Bunker Hill, Nancy has literally set up by Mrs Pierson. for a week hence, so that things are certainly pointing ahead for the rebirth of the daredevil girls, although Nancy is still feeling a little apprehensive even now, as would we all? Well done, Rhonda, blessings, Roy

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 Comment Written 18-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2016

Thank you, Roy, and you are right, speaking in front of large crowds is definitely not Nancy's strength. And...she has other reasons. Thanks for reading and leaving comments. They are invaluable to me!

Rhonda

reply by royowen on 19-Jan-2016

Most welcome Rhonda