Comment from boxergirl

Excellent

Hi Rhonda...I enjoyed this scene today...it seemed very natural as the two talked about the assembly and I could visualize the photographs that you described, especially the young boy. Good job!

Karen :-)

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2016

Thank you, Karen. I was trying to build up the imagery, and to give an insight into the principal. We will be getting to action pretty quickly! Thanks for hanging in,
Rhonda

Comment from amahra

Excellent

I love this story and especially your narrator's voice. This writing is very well crafted. I also love the dialogue that sounds very natural and the way most people speak to one another. Great job.

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2016

Thank you so much, and I am very excited to get your opinions on this book. You write in my genre and it's helpful to get colleague's opinions!
Rhonda

Comment from trumby

Excellent

I think that Mrs Pierson could be a bit of a dark horse. She could end up being like Bosley in "Charlie's Angels."
This is coming together well & I can see that you're just not going too fast. Letting each character introduce herself into the story naturally. I don't like it when new characters are suddenly thrust upon me.

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2016

Thank you for pointing that out, because a lot of people are wanting me to jump into the story, and I need to set it up first, and develop characters before, like you said, just thrust them on people. Thank you again, you have been very helpful!
Rhonda

Comment from mfowler

Excellent

I'm becoming intrigued with this principal and her insistence on drawing Nancy's stories out and publicising them. Your scene in the principal's office is very revealing. The pictures of Mrs Pierson's younger self and the boy and the blackboard are each detailed carefully. I'm sure they must be a connection to later events. The chapter is well constructed using excellent descriptive phases and good dialogue. Very enjoyable.

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2016

That's the problem with writing for other authors, they are too darn perceptive! You're right, we don't spend time on anything we don't plan to sneak back in later! Thanks for reading and reviewing. You are one of the authors I look forward to having review my work!
Rhonda

Comment from A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE

Excellent

Wow! I like this and am glad to tune in before it gets too far ahead for me to catch up and follow. Generally, I don't read stories as poetry is supporting my growth and goals at present: therefore, I'm sorry I can't say much more, except thank you for sharing and gifting joy and inspiration for my horizons.

However, I did stall a little on your major descriptive paragraph of the girl in the picture and Mrs Pierson, and wonder if the final sentence would be clearer reading: `The girl in the picture seemed a shadow of Mrs Pierson.' I am a novice and will value your thoughts. Blessings Maureen*&*

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2016

Oh, such a wonderful suggestion. I took quite a detour this last year writing poetry for that very reason. I love the way poets have of taking a lot of words, turning it into less, and making it sound even better. Feel free to add these sorts of comments to help my prose sound more poetic!
Hugs,
Rhonda

reply by A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE on 21-Jan-2016

Wow! What a lovely first! So good to be able to comment on form and not just substance. And, I can remember reading some of your poems too. Best wishes of inspiration, zest and joy in this year's endeavours, Maureen*&*

Comment from MaBaker

Excellent

Now you have me thoroughly interested I read one of your stories where Nancy was thinking about telling her stories?? I can't remember the name sorry. As this is a continuous story I have to find that other one and read it properly. Regards MaBaker

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2016

Thank you for reading, ma, and, yes, her name is Nancy. I do hope you continue to read as I would live to hear what you think!
Rhonda

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Rhonda,

Another very well written chapter here. The tone has remained consistent through the chapters so far and is very engaging. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop now!

All the best
G

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2016

It's getting there. I've got to set up a little more background, and introduce some characters, and then I'm set for the assembly. Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Rhonda

Comment from William Ross

Excellent

Very good, this is such a great story for young people i think. Your father had a such a great idea with this. looking forward to reading more. great job. I don't think there is anything to say on the writing or workings of the story.

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2016

Thank you so much, William. We're going to get to action pretty quickly now, thanks for hanging in there!

Comment from Walu Feral

Excellent

G'day Pardna.

I love the suspense in this book of yours. Your dad was a very smart bloke to teach you and your siblings this in his bedtime stories.

" Mrs. Pierson's voice trailed off as she consulted schedules, memos and emails. " (Darn those emails! It was less before the existed lol.)

"On his desk was an antiquated slate with two words written on it in chalk." (Hey, watch the antiquated bit ROFL! I forgot about whiteboards.)

"Also, the press will be there, and they will want interviews and pictures."

"The press?" (Ouch, cop that. She didn't want to do it for the kids and now she has the parazzi!)

Sorry my friend I pushed "save replies before I finished writing this. Buang tigulang! (Crazy old man!)

This is one heck of a story. I can either see the kids and maybe the boss getting into trouble or saving all sorts of people. Beautifully written with your usual flair and grace.

There is so much scope in this yarn that you could lead it anywhere.

I'm in, bring it on!

I'm really sorry that I don't have a six left.

Delia says..."Kumusta Baby."

cheers Fez

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2016

Hey, thanks so much for the detailed review. I love it the way you go line by line and let me know what you think on the highlights. It is really helpful.

I'll take the virtual 6, that means (almost) as much. Haha, that's okay, I'm out of them, too!

Tell Delian "Kumusta Baby" to her, too!

Take care, and I can't wait for your next story!

Rhonda

Comment from JTStone

Excellent

Okay, this story is getting a little meat on its bones. Mrs. Pierson is definitely a main character and the Halloween date has to be pivotal to the rapidly forming plot. It kind of appears that both women are hiding behind the teacher garb. You got me wondering just which side of the fence Mrs. Pierson is on?
Jimmy

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2016

Hmmm, very perceptive, Grasshopper!