Comment from cflorian8

Exceptional

Holloween is a night where people dress in costume into the mindset of another creature or character. For one night, people have the chance to be something other than themselves. A superhero is one such example. However, although many people dress like them to personify their ideals, Nancy is a real life superhero without the costume. Unfortunately, unlike comic superheroes, Nancy does not have the natural confidence to stand up in front of a crowd and talk about her personal life. Once again, Rhonda, you have successfully made Nancy relatable to everyday people. Not many people including myself would willingly do what Nancy has agreed to do. I personally stumbled through most of my classroom speeches and project presentations no matter how much I prepared or practiced for them. Finally, at the end of the chapter, I notice that you cliff-hangers:questions for the reader to answer. Doing so captures a reader's interest. I am learning a lot from reviewing your stories. Thanks for writing.

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2016

Wow, thank you for the detailed six star review!!!
I'm glad you are reading the chapters, and that the hooks work at the end. It always works for me when other authors do it.
I'm glad you noticed the characters are flawed. I tried to make them as real as possible, and to make someone everyone could relate to. Later, Nancy's students will play their own separate roles and I will try to draw in more types of people. Not all superheroes look like they are. I'm truly glad you "got" the main idea of the book.

Thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from chasennov

Excellent

A date is set for the assembly. A chapter in the book The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hill. October 31st.' Just tell me that you're okay. Why do I not here from you if you are okay. Your input is sorely missed. That is, apart from yourself. Get better quick, Iron horse. I looking for things to read. Kind regards. Chasennov.

 Comment Written 30-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016

I am getting better every day, thank you so much for caring. I am only allowed limited time on the computer for right now. I have a broken bone on each side of my jaw. My husband and I were loading a bull into a trailer, there was a loose board he kicked and it hit me twice in the face. I also have a severe concussion. I am going back to two doctors tomorrow; one for the concussion, and one for the fractures. Hopefully at that time they will release me to be back on the comuputer/go back to work. I'll let you know.
Rhonda

reply by chasennov on 02-Feb-2016

I'm so glad you are recovering and trust the Dr gives you a clean bill. Please take care, Rhonda.

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Yes, it is truly rare if any story stays hidden. Those you really don't mind sharing and those you can hardly wait to share, and of course, those you had hoped would stay hidden for ever. Thanks for another fine chapter. Great job. :-)

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016

Thank you for your review of this chapter, and I'm sorry for the late response, but, as you know, I've been a bit "under the weather" and am only allowed limited amounts of time on the computer. Still and all, the stories go on, and I appreciate the reviews,
Rhonda

Comment from I am Cat

Excellent

deeper and deeper into the world she strode... ;)
"...determined to do the only thing she could do
determined to save the only life she could save..."
-Mary Oliver

;)
Lovely... I love it. I look so forward to these... and it seems i'm still behind... ah well, I get my sixes soon, and i'm sure there are more in here, I just haven't gotten there yet. ;)
I didn't find any spag... and i"m absolutely hooked! ;)
Hugs and love my dear!
Mwah
cat

 Comment Written 22-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Jan-2016

Thank you, Cat, and I'm behind, too. It doesn't take long to get that way. I probably have about 4 of yours I haven't reviewed yet.
I sure hope you are feeling better...you and Stormy, who both seem to have been having the same issues. Take care of yourself,
Mwah, hugs, hearts,
Rhonda

reply by I am Cat on 22-Jan-2016

I know, weird, eh?

hey, don't worry about my poems, seriously. I mean, feel free to read them, but don't worry about them. ;)
Hugs to you
mwah

reply by the author on 22-Jan-2016

I love your poems!!! The touch the spirit.

Mwah

reply by I am Cat on 22-Jan-2016

THank you sweetie ;) Mwah
((((((love you))))))

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

I enjoyed this and would like to keep up with the story. I will become a fan so I don't miss any because it shows great signs of promise. The dialogue interchange was so well handled that it made the story go fast, Giddy

 Comment Written 22-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Jan-2016

Thank you so much, Giddy! I look forward to your reviews!
Rhonda

Comment from Cheryl9359

Excellent

I really liked this chapter, although it's the first I've read so I didn't really know exactly what everyone and everything is, but I'd like to read more so to me that's a good thing. Hope to read more soon.

 Comment Written 21-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Jan-2016

I hope your read some more, too! I would welcome your responses.
Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

Be careful less your past will find you again. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery.

 Comment Written 21-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Jan-2016

All too true, and very good advice. I hope Nancy heeds it! Thanks for the reading and review!
Rhonda

Comment from Jacob Collins

Excellent

I enjoyed reading this piece, I thought that the dialogue and description was well written and it made for an interesting read. I couldn't spot any faults. Thanks for sharing...Jacob

 Comment Written 21-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 21-Jan-2016

Thank you for taking the time to read and leave your thoughts. They are very helpful,
Rhonda

Comment from Douglas Paul

Excellent

Hi Rhonda, Forgive me = I am brand new at reviewing stories and i don't think I am in much of a postion to offer that much insight. I am starting to work on some children's stories though, so I want take a look at some of these.

The concept of the "Daredevil Girls" seems like a strong basis for a story. Just the name itself draws me in, And I am intrigued to find out what stories were told to the students - especially on Halloween.

So i find I am interested enough to read the next chapter. Sorry I can't be of much help.

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 21-Jan-2016

You are great help, and in the beginning, just repeating the message of the story or poem is completely acceptable. Adding what you like best is also good! You're doing great,
Rhonda

Comment from --Turtle.

Excellent

Hi, Rhonda

Read through this chapter, really nice pace... nice flow. The dialogue and descriptions pulled me along, giving sense of inner states too.

He had a smudged face and tattered clothes that hung loosely on a slight frame.
(really great strong descriptions here, I liked the visual and the strong engaging verbs.)


"Sorry I'm taking so long," Mrs. Pierson said(,)? startling Nancy out of her reverie[ ]. "I've got a lot to rearrange."
(all I see is an extra space... maybe consider a comma after said, but I'm not certain.)

This was a photograph of a young slender girl(,) about seventeen.
(suggesting comma, because the description of the girl seems like an afterthought where a pause would be helpful.)

Also, the press will be there, and they will want interviews and pictures."
(Nice mix of dialogue and motion to convey sparks for dialogue, from physical objects to moving the plot forward. The two people have individual voice, which makes for an engaging transfer of information from characters to reader)

already Thursday, the 23rd. That gave her a whole week and a day to get ready. No pressure! (conflicting reaction from me... A WHOLE week made me think that there isn't any pressure because whole sounds like a lot of time... if she is feeling pressured, then maybe you mean ONLY a week and a day? then the No pressure!would mean that she was feeling pressure. I wasn't sure which reaction you were intending because Nancy seems worried to start.)

Really easy to follow this chapter along, solid writing. I felt secure in the pov and the engaging verbs, descriptions and dialogue.

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2016

Wow, thank you so much for all the detailed responses. That is so helpful, and you are right on all the spots your pointed out that need tweaking. I especially liked what you said about the "whole" week thing. It was intended as sarcasm, but the problem with sarcasm is that it's sometimes hard to catch, especially when not in conversation. So, fixing that part will help a lot with the meaning. Thank you again,
Rhonda