The Shaman
I see dead people.44 total reviews
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Sis Cat,
Your author's notes are invaluable to this piece. I appreciated the cultural aspects and the fact that you've not woven a tale, but have created a work of art in non-fiction. I'm sure your father would appreciate the telling of his story, even in passing.
I particularly enjoyed this sentence:
Her eyes, her eyes reflected the shell-shocked weariness of a soldier who has seen things no one should see.
I struggled a little with this sentence, thinking perhaps punctuation might make it more evident to the reader what you strived to convey. I didn't get the full image of the room until I re-read it as I was writing this review.
I looked around his art and awards decorated room from a sixty year ceramic career.
This is excellent work. It made me wish you had entered it in the upcoming Non-fiction contest. I believe it would have done well.
Kim
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Hi Sis Cat,
Your author's notes are invaluable to this piece. I appreciated the cultural aspects and the fact that you've not woven a tale, but have created a work of art in non-fiction. I'm sure your father would appreciate the telling of his story, even in passing.
I particularly enjoyed this sentence:
Her eyes, her eyes reflected the shell-shocked weariness of a soldier who has seen things no one should see.
I struggled a little with this sentence, thinking perhaps punctuation might make it more evident to the reader what you strived to convey. I didn't get the full image of the room until I re-read it as I was writing this review.
I looked around his art and awards decorated room from a sixty year ceramic career.
This is excellent work. It made me wish you had entered it in the upcoming Non-fiction contest. I believe it would have done well.
Kim
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Yes, Kim, I thought of submitting this to the upcoming non-fiction contest but felt people would not have believed it. Some reviewers thought I made up this story until they read the author's notes. I am sure my father would appreciate me telling his story. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Treischel
This is an astounding tale that really caries more than one theme. There is the Shaman, of course. Then there is the mural. Finally there are the moths. Your blended them very well into a poignant piece.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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This is an astounding tale that really caries more than one theme. There is the Shaman, of course. Then there is the mural. Finally there are the moths. Your blended them very well into a poignant piece.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Treischel, for your knew. I knew I had an astounding tale when I discovered my father's poem "Flight Across Heaven's Gate" as he was about to take his flight about Heaven's gate. Then an art collector called and asked for the appraisal of his mural by the same name. You add to that the shaman seeing spirits and performing rituals and I have quite a tale. Thank you for your review.
Comment from nomi338
I am certain that were it possible, both your late parents would thank you profusely for the job you have done so well in relating their story to people that would not have otherwise known them. I have lived in Southern California since July 1972, I don't recall ever meeting either of them or even having heard their names mentioned. Yet I feel somehow that I know them. Their story is now familiar to me. To some, it may not matter, but to me it matters a great deal. Their story speaks to me on deep levels. My father and not communicated with anyone for some months when he died. I visited with him for more than an hour and he never woke up just lay there snoring. He was in an advanced state of dementia. I had not spoken to my mother for some months before her death, she was also in an advanced state of dementia at the time of her death. I both cases there was no urgent message saying you need to get here because they are are about to die, so I never got the chance to be there, to say any kind of goodbye, to take any last looks, any last touches. It dawns on me that when my oldest daughter passed away, I was at work with no idea of how sick she even was. I think that it is important to be able to say goodbye while the person is still alive. Thank you for writing this, it has given me a measure of comfort, if you can believe that. It is nevertheless true.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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I am certain that were it possible, both your late parents would thank you profusely for the job you have done so well in relating their story to people that would not have otherwise known them. I have lived in Southern California since July 1972, I don't recall ever meeting either of them or even having heard their names mentioned. Yet I feel somehow that I know them. Their story is now familiar to me. To some, it may not matter, but to me it matters a great deal. Their story speaks to me on deep levels. My father and not communicated with anyone for some months when he died. I visited with him for more than an hour and he never woke up just lay there snoring. He was in an advanced state of dementia. I had not spoken to my mother for some months before her death, she was also in an advanced state of dementia at the time of her death. I both cases there was no urgent message saying you need to get here because they are are about to die, so I never got the chance to be there, to say any kind of goodbye, to take any last looks, any last touches. It dawns on me that when my oldest daughter passed away, I was at work with no idea of how sick she even was. I think that it is important to be able to say goodbye while the person is still alive. Thank you for writing this, it has given me a measure of comfort, if you can believe that. It is nevertheless true.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you, nomi, for your review and sharing your memories. I am glad that my writing has given you a measure of comfort and that my parents' stories resonated with you.
Comment from JTStone
I used to read your tale of the search for your past a couple of months ago. I just came back here and was pleasantly surprised to find this.
That was a beautifully written story in that I could see everything you were writing rather vividly as if I was there. That's a bit of magic that few writers possess. Thank you for giving me a window into that important day and time of your past.
JT
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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I used to read your tale of the search for your past a couple of months ago. I just came back here and was pleasantly surprised to find this.
That was a beautifully written story in that I could see everything you were writing rather vividly as if I was there. That's a bit of magic that few writers possess. Thank you for giving me a window into that important day and time of your past.
JT
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you, JT, for your review and compliments for my "beautifully written story." I am glad I glad I flew out to Albuquerque to be with my father during his transition. It gave me a start as a writer. Thanks for your review.
Comment from foreverbutterfly
I'm so pleased your uploaded this. I think this is a fantastic story and resonates very much with what I am writing at the moment. It is a heartfelt pieces of work. I will go and read some more of your work.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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I'm so pleased your uploaded this. I think this is a fantastic story and resonates very much with what I am writing at the moment. It is a heartfelt pieces of work. I will go and read some more of your work.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you, foreverbutterfly, for your review and also for inspiring me to post my story which sat in my computer since I performed it in 2013. I thanked you in my author's notes. I wish you success on your project.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Cat. So good to read your work again. Excellent opening hook here: "Her name meant heavenly or divine."
Wonderful story here and well written fo the most part. Like: "transformed into a magnificent white bird whose outstretched wings soared above the Southwest desert to Heaven. My father had hoped this mural would take him places as a ceramist, but it only went as far as New Jersey."
And: "Visions of Robert Redford and independent films danced in my head. I sat erect in hopes I would hear about the directors and stars of tomorrow. "Do you mean the Sundance Film Festival?"
Suggestion. Although the opening hook is killer, the next paragrasph sentence is far far too long. I think it is called a "run-on" (Break it up.)
And: " .. . .feet tall and possessed long, black hair. (possessed? No..."had sounds better here, I think) Here too: same thing: "he slurred that he observed lights..."
"He slurred his words when he said....etc" (Not "observed")
Great write overall, cat. Blessings. Bob
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Hi, Cat. So good to read your work again. Excellent opening hook here: "Her name meant heavenly or divine."
Wonderful story here and well written fo the most part. Like: "transformed into a magnificent white bird whose outstretched wings soared above the Southwest desert to Heaven. My father had hoped this mural would take him places as a ceramist, but it only went as far as New Jersey."
And: "Visions of Robert Redford and independent films danced in my head. I sat erect in hopes I would hear about the directors and stars of tomorrow. "Do you mean the Sundance Film Festival?"
Suggestion. Although the opening hook is killer, the next paragrasph sentence is far far too long. I think it is called a "run-on" (Break it up.)
And: " .. . .feet tall and possessed long, black hair. (possessed? No..."had sounds better here, I think) Here too: same thing: "he slurred that he observed lights..."
"He slurred his words when he said....etc" (Not "observed")
Great write overall, cat. Blessings. Bob
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Bob, for your review and corrections. I made them. I also broke up that long paragraph. A year ago you urged me to only post when I have earned enough member dollars to promote to the top. This has been a winning strategy for me. Thank you for all of your reviews and support. I deeply appreciate them.
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Awwww. I am so happy for you, Cat. Bob
Comment from Dean Kuch
This was quite the story, Andre, as riveting in detail and theme as any of its fictional counterparts. Steeped in Native American Indian lore and African heritage, it leaves the reader with the peaceful and sublimely serene realization that there are realms of existence beyond this Earthly plain in which we can look forward to when we depart.
The life cycle of butterflies and moths has been used in many cultures to represent many things. The hatching from the egg is the equivalent of human birth. The caterpillar represents the stage of life; the lowly "worm" waiting for a transformation, just as we await our reward in an afterlife.
The Serbians look on the butterfly as the soul of a witch and believe if they can find her body and turn it around while she is asleep, the soul will not be able to find her mouth and reenter, and the witch will probably die. Probably, this concept of the soul explains why many medieval angels have butterfly wings rather than those of a bird.
Regardless of the variants and what different cultures believe concerning moths and butterflies in relation to the human soul and the afterlife, I found your tale of your father's found poem, bird sculpture, and all of its implied meaning truly fascinating.
Excellent writing here, Andre. Thank you for sharing it with all of us.
Dean~~>
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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This was quite the story, Andre, as riveting in detail and theme as any of its fictional counterparts. Steeped in Native American Indian lore and African heritage, it leaves the reader with the peaceful and sublimely serene realization that there are realms of existence beyond this Earthly plain in which we can look forward to when we depart.
The life cycle of butterflies and moths has been used in many cultures to represent many things. The hatching from the egg is the equivalent of human birth. The caterpillar represents the stage of life; the lowly "worm" waiting for a transformation, just as we await our reward in an afterlife.
The Serbians look on the butterfly as the soul of a witch and believe if they can find her body and turn it around while she is asleep, the soul will not be able to find her mouth and reenter, and the witch will probably die. Probably, this concept of the soul explains why many medieval angels have butterfly wings rather than those of a bird.
Regardless of the variants and what different cultures believe concerning moths and butterflies in relation to the human soul and the afterlife, I found your tale of your father's found poem, bird sculpture, and all of its implied meaning truly fascinating.
Excellent writing here, Andre. Thank you for sharing it with all of us.
Dean~~>
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Oh, thank you, Dean, for your generous review. I kept this story off FanStory for a year because I feared people would not believe it. It is the closest I have ever come to the paranormal. I focused on grabbing my father's documents and not being frightened by the moths, but I knew I had a story when I found my father's poem. Thank you for your review and congratulations for being honored as the FanStory Writer of the Year.
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You are more than welcome, my friend, and thank you so much for your generous support.
Dean~~>
Comment from jpduck
I have the strongest feeling that I'm missing a lot in this -- the content of all the silent communication that went on between you and the shaman. This may well be my problem rather than yours.
Two suggestions and a typo. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletion):
'Her eyes, her eyes reflected the shell-shocked weariness of a soldier who has seen things no one should see.' (I think I'd want to change the comma to an ellipsis).
'sorting his papers away from the vigil gathered around his hospice bed in the living room' (I think you need a comma after 'papers', to avoid the impression that you wanted to keep the papers from the people at the vigil -- which I assume is not what you meant).
'I learned that in 1985 my fa[r]ther had sculpted a ceramic mural'
Adrian
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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I have the strongest feeling that I'm missing a lot in this -- the content of all the silent communication that went on between you and the shaman. This may well be my problem rather than yours.
Two suggestions and a typo. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletion):
'Her eyes, her eyes reflected the shell-shocked weariness of a soldier who has seen things no one should see.' (I think I'd want to change the comma to an ellipsis).
'sorting his papers away from the vigil gathered around his hospice bed in the living room' (I think you need a comma after 'papers', to avoid the impression that you wanted to keep the papers from the people at the vigil -- which I assume is not what you meant).
'I learned that in 1985 my fa[r]ther had sculpted a ceramic mural'
Adrian
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Adrian, for your generous review and corrections. I made them and they helped to improve the readability and the correctness of my story. Your intuition about missing a lot in the silent communication between me and the shaman may be correct. This was originally an oral story performed before audiences. There were a lot of expressions and gestures that I did not convert to the written story. I appreciate that you noted this. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
This is an excellent story of the "shaman" and her powers to see things that we cannot see. I feel there was an inner fear of this woman, yet your family needed her and those powers she possessed.
I believe in these shamans having met one while I lived in Oregon. What was amazing is she told me that I possess powers but no one ever helped me to cultivate them. That was the 2nd time that I have been told that.
This is an amazing well written story. I am thankful and glad that you shared this story with us. Regards,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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This is an excellent story of the "shaman" and her powers to see things that we cannot see. I feel there was an inner fear of this woman, yet your family needed her and those powers she possessed.
I believe in these shamans having met one while I lived in Oregon. What was amazing is she told me that I possess powers but no one ever helped me to cultivate them. That was the 2nd time that I have been told that.
This is an amazing well written story. I am thankful and glad that you shared this story with us. Regards,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Jim, for your review and compliments of my "amazing, well written story." Yes, I have heard of the witch moth angle. I was too scared to ask the shaman what she saw in my father's studio during the moth swarm, but she later made the comment that some spirits are not very nice. I can feel the power radiating off this shaman. I am glad you shared your encounter with them.
Comment from Synic4sure
Wow! I felt this story. The words of the story brought the images of the scene to life in my mind. I enjoyed every word of it you truly are a gifted story teller. Thank you.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Wow! I felt this story. The words of the story brought the images of the scene to life in my mind. I enjoyed every word of it you truly are a gifted story teller. Thank you.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Synic4sure, for giving me my first six star review of my story. I am glad it "brought the images of the scene to life in your mind." I deeply appreciate it.
