The Shaman
I see dead people.44 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
This has been a marvelous biography from beginning to end. Thank you for sharing your soul with the FS readers. I hope the next step is to find a broader audience.
I learned that in 1985 my farther had sculpted [...my FATHER had sculpted... SORRY, ANDRE, FOR POINTING OUT WHAT YOU'VE ALREADY CORRECTED BY NOW. I AM SO FAR BEHIND.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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This has been a marvelous biography from beginning to end. Thank you for sharing your soul with the FS readers. I hope the next step is to find a broader audience.
I learned that in 1985 my farther had sculpted [...my FATHER had sculpted... SORRY, ANDRE, FOR POINTING OUT WHAT YOU'VE ALREADY CORRECTED BY NOW. I AM SO FAR BEHIND.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Yes, Jay, finding a broader audience is the next step. Many of my stories, this one included, I performed live in front of audiences around the San Francisco Bay Area. I seek to give my stories a second life and a broader audience by writing them down. Your support and encouragement help make this possible. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from Robert Louis Fox
You have lived quite an amazing experience, not that the losing of our parents isn't always, but your telling of it is sublime. I like the way you both feared the shaman and showed us compassion toward her. You took us somewhat into her view of life and death and loneliness. It was a nice parallel story to go with the discoveries you made of your father's art and poetry. Good writing!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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You have lived quite an amazing experience, not that the losing of our parents isn't always, but your telling of it is sublime. I like the way you both feared the shaman and showed us compassion toward her. You took us somewhat into her view of life and death and loneliness. It was a nice parallel story to go with the discoveries you made of your father's art and poetry. Good writing!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Robert, for your enthusiastic review. Losing a father is sad but normal. Having my encounter with moths and the shaman around my father's passing was paranormal. I knew I was experiencing something profound when I found my father's poem "Flight Across Heaven's Gate" just as he was preparing to take his flight. Then, an art collector called for an appraisal of the mural by the same name. This was not a coincidence. Things happen for a reason. I believe we are connected in ways we cannot fathom. Thank you for your review.
Comment from foxangie123
So this is actually true then? Either way it's quite the fascinating story indeed. It is entertaining and a enjoyable read to say the least. Kudos to you indeed.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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So this is actually true then? Either way it's quite the fascinating story indeed. It is entertaining and a enjoyable read to say the least. Kudos to you indeed.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Yes, yes, yes, foxangie123, this is actually true. My father's poem, his mural, the shaman who sees dead people, and the moth swarm after my father died. While everyone was crying about my father dying, I was gathering his documents. I smelled a story and kept a diary. Thank you for your review.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A very inspiring story of your father's passing and of the Shaman woman who aided him and your family in their time of need. I have been reading the butterfly stories as well, and have loved the way she uses them to explain death to the young. I'm not sure any of us really understands it, but I'm glad you added your story as well.
The story was very interesting, and held my attention throughout. It was different, but I like different. I have also appreciated your analysis of my stories. It helps to have outside eyes.
Rhonda
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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A very inspiring story of your father's passing and of the Shaman woman who aided him and your family in their time of need. I have been reading the butterfly stories as well, and have loved the way she uses them to explain death to the young. I'm not sure any of us really understands it, but I'm glad you added your story as well.
The story was very interesting, and held my attention throughout. It was different, but I like different. I have also appreciated your analysis of my stories. It helps to have outside eyes.
Rhonda
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Rhonda, for your review of my inspiring, different story. The writer of the butterfly stories reminded me of my encounter with a moth swarm after my father died. I am glad I added my story into the mix.
Comment from mfowler
You've created an intense and mystical piece to explain events surrounding the death of your father. The experience of watching a loved one die is both a privilege and deeply moving. I watched my sister die but the support offered was that of a Buddhist nun. The transition of the soul was similar to the shaman's idea. The inclusion of the moths, the artwork, the poem add a supernatural and hopeful tone to the experience. I thought aside about the loneliness of a shaman's life among the dead seemed very real and moving.in Paragraph three you begin a sentence, 'Her eyes, her eyes...I felt it must be deliberate, but on reflection could see no value in the repetition. Really enjoyed your recollection of a strange and beautiful time.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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You've created an intense and mystical piece to explain events surrounding the death of your father. The experience of watching a loved one die is both a privilege and deeply moving. I watched my sister die but the support offered was that of a Buddhist nun. The transition of the soul was similar to the shaman's idea. The inclusion of the moths, the artwork, the poem add a supernatural and hopeful tone to the experience. I thought aside about the loneliness of a shaman's life among the dead seemed very real and moving.in Paragraph three you begin a sentence, 'Her eyes, her eyes...I felt it must be deliberate, but on reflection could see no value in the repetition. Really enjoyed your recollection of a strange and beautiful time.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you, mfowler, for your generous review and comments. Yes, the events surrounding my father's death was unlike anything I have ever experienced. It was "strange and beautiful." The things I remember most were the moths and the shaman's eyes. I will take your comment about it repetition under consideration. Thank you for your review.
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi SIS CAT
what a captivating story, so perfectly written and easy to follow as you read.
A great subject to tell of, so glad you shared with FS.
thank you
Brenda
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Hi SIS CAT
what a captivating story, so perfectly written and easy to follow as you read.
A great subject to tell of, so glad you shared with FS.
thank you
Brenda
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Oh, thank you, Brenda, for stopping by to review my "captivating story." I am glad I shared it, too.
Comment from frogbook
This was a very interesting and compelling story that held me transfixed throughout. Great pictures too. To recognize the shamans loneliness due to her gift was thought provoking also.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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This was a very interesting and compelling story that held me transfixed throughout. Great pictures too. To recognize the shamans loneliness due to her gift was thought provoking also.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Yes, frogbook, whenever I tell the shaman's story, people laugh at her. They do not know how lonely and difficult it can be to have a gift that people do not believe. Thank you for your review.
Comment from humpwhistle
Hey, Cat, I like the implications of this story, but I think It needs some grammatical work. I know we don't always review in the same spirit, so I apologize if I come across terse, or heavy-handed.
You are an oral storyteller. That art has it's own rules of punctuation. A pause. A sigh. A raised eyebrow. Raising or lowering the voice.
I read this without benefit of oral punctuation.
These are close approximations of the original comments that I lost.
I hope they're helpful
L
I made a few suggestions. If you think these are helpful, I can offer more.
And remember, they're only suggestions.
Peace, Lee
In 2012, a shaman responded to my stepmotherā??s call to visit my fatherā??s hospice at his Albuquerque studio-home to serve as his spirit walker, a Native American guide for the souls of those transitioning from this world to the next, and also to serve as a guide for his grieving family through this process of letting him go.-----This is a long, complicated sentence. At the very least, I'd suggest a period after the first 'spirit walker'. I'd start the next sentence, "In Native American culture, a spirit guide aids in transitioning souls from ..." Frankly, I'd try to make the part about the family a separate sentence, too.
The woman stood five feet tall and possessed long, black hair. She wore Native American amulets and crystals around her neck and fingers. --A suggestion: Her five-foot stature accentuated her long, raven hair. She wore ancient-appearing amulets round her neck, cryptic crystals on her fingers. ( Ok, maybe I got carried away, but you know what I'm getting at)
I sheltered in my fatherā??s empty bedroom, sorting his papers(--)away from the vigil gathered around his hospice bed in the living room.--You need those dashes, or ellipses, for this sentence to read the way you intend.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Hey, Cat, I like the implications of this story, but I think It needs some grammatical work. I know we don't always review in the same spirit, so I apologize if I come across terse, or heavy-handed.
You are an oral storyteller. That art has it's own rules of punctuation. A pause. A sigh. A raised eyebrow. Raising or lowering the voice.
I read this without benefit of oral punctuation.
These are close approximations of the original comments that I lost.
I hope they're helpful
L
I made a few suggestions. If you think these are helpful, I can offer more.
And remember, they're only suggestions.
Peace, Lee
In 2012, a shaman responded to my stepmotherā??s call to visit my fatherā??s hospice at his Albuquerque studio-home to serve as his spirit walker, a Native American guide for the souls of those transitioning from this world to the next, and also to serve as a guide for his grieving family through this process of letting him go.-----This is a long, complicated sentence. At the very least, I'd suggest a period after the first 'spirit walker'. I'd start the next sentence, "In Native American culture, a spirit guide aids in transitioning souls from ..." Frankly, I'd try to make the part about the family a separate sentence, too.
The woman stood five feet tall and possessed long, black hair. She wore Native American amulets and crystals around her neck and fingers. --A suggestion: Her five-foot stature accentuated her long, raven hair. She wore ancient-appearing amulets round her neck, cryptic crystals on her fingers. ( Ok, maybe I got carried away, but you know what I'm getting at)
I sheltered in my fatherā??s empty bedroom, sorting his papers(--)away from the vigil gathered around his hospice bed in the living room.--You need those dashes, or ellipses, for this sentence to read the way you intend.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Oh, thank you, Lee, for your generous review and comments. I followed your suggestions and it improved the written version of my story. You are right. I am an oral storyteller whose scripts do not always translate well to a written story. This makes it challenging for me to create a new story. Should I tell it first or write it? If I have a show to put on, I emphasize telling the story and let the reviewers critique my grammar later. I will strive to master both the written and the oral story. Thank you again for your review.
Comment from chcbeck
I like to read things that teach me New things. I love this piece, in away it is very comforting. Thank you for sharing and look forward to more of your work.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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I like to read things that teach me New things. I love this piece, in away it is very comforting. Thank you for sharing and look forward to more of your work.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Yes, you're not the first reviewer who said my story comforted her. I am glad I was there for my father as a witness and that my story taught you something new. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Wabigoon
Sis Cat--
A powerful memory. It would be hard, disconcerting to deal with a person like this. I understand that part of your tale. So much potential reality our upbringing denies or closes off. Yo do a terrific job in describing all this honestly.
Here are a couple of, maybe, problems:
I opened the studio door and saw . . . thousands of migrating Miller moths (fluttered around the room and battered) the windows with their wings. -- would that be "fluttering around the room and battering"
She grit() her teeth and shook her head as she said "not as nice." -- She "gritted her teeth"
Thanks, enjoyed it.
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Sis Cat--
A powerful memory. It would be hard, disconcerting to deal with a person like this. I understand that part of your tale. So much potential reality our upbringing denies or closes off. Yo do a terrific job in describing all this honestly.
Here are a couple of, maybe, problems:
I opened the studio door and saw . . . thousands of migrating Miller moths (fluttered around the room and battered) the windows with their wings. -- would that be "fluttering around the room and battering"
She grit() her teeth and shook her head as she said "not as nice." -- She "gritted her teeth"
Thanks, enjoyed it.
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Yes, Jeff, there is "so much potential reality our upbringing denies or closes off." I am glad I was open enough to document what I experienced. Thank you for your review and comments. I made the corrections.
