Falling Off The Edge
Viewing comments for Prologue "Falling Off The Edge - Part One"A true story
43 total reviews
Comment from F. Wehr3
Nice work on this story. I could feel I was right there with you. Good descriptions throughout the piece. I found two things for your consideration.
'As I ascended the stairs there was no one in sight,' Intro clause needs comma after stairs.
'A concerned look suddely appeared' typo suddenly
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Nice work on this story. I could feel I was right there with you. Good descriptions throughout the piece. I found two things for your consideration.
'As I ascended the stairs there was no one in sight,' Intro clause needs comma after stairs.
'A concerned look suddely appeared' typo suddenly
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Russell, thanks a lot for this great review, and I have made the corrections. All the best. Ulla
Comment from jpduck
Golly, golly, golly! This is powerful. It cries aloud of the distraught state you were in. I loved the way you set the tone at the start, before cutting back to the alarm clock. A very skillful piece of writing.
Typos/SPAGs. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletion):
'It had been stressful[l] from the minute I woke up' (This is an example of the daftness of English spelling: the Suffix '-ful' always has just the one 'l', even though it means 'full' of whatever comes before it).
'jam- packed with cars' (Delete the space after the hyphen).
'the mere sound of a church organ shrilled me to the bone' (I'm not sure that 'shrilled' is the right word here; 'chilled' might be better. But I could easily be wrong about this. The dictionary meaning of 'shrilled' is 'sounded high-pitched and piercing'. Maybe that is exactly what you want?)
Adrian
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Golly, golly, golly! This is powerful. It cries aloud of the distraught state you were in. I loved the way you set the tone at the start, before cutting back to the alarm clock. A very skillful piece of writing.
Typos/SPAGs. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletion):
'It had been stressful[l] from the minute I woke up' (This is an example of the daftness of English spelling: the Suffix '-ful' always has just the one 'l', even though it means 'full' of whatever comes before it).
'jam- packed with cars' (Delete the space after the hyphen).
'the mere sound of a church organ shrilled me to the bone' (I'm not sure that 'shrilled' is the right word here; 'chilled' might be better. But I could easily be wrong about this. The dictionary meaning of 'shrilled' is 'sounded high-pitched and piercing'. Maybe that is exactly what you want?)
Adrian
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Adrian, what can I say. This is high praise indeed and I am thrilled. I did know the 'ful' ending so to speak but you have now made it so clear to me that I don't think I will ever forget. Thanks a lot for that. I did the other correction as well but I stick with the 'shrilled' because that is exactly what I mean. Thank you ever so much again. You've made my day. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Ulla,
It's a nice piece of Biographical Non-Fiction, having simple as well as impressive wording; smooth and highly captivating flow from the beginning to the end.
Interesting and motivating for the next part!
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Hello Ulla,
It's a nice piece of Biographical Non-Fiction, having simple as well as impressive wording; smooth and highly captivating flow from the beginning to the end.
Interesting and motivating for the next part!
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Hello there, Thank you so much for your wonderful rating. I am just so pleased. Thanks again. All the best. Ulla
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Ulla,
Great little write this you have produced here.
Good atmosphere created throughout and the structure worked very well.
Good write
G
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Hi Ulla,
Great little write this you have produced here.
Good atmosphere created throughout and the structure worked very well.
Good write
G
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Hi G, thank you very much. More is to follow. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Tessa Kay
This had action and good pacing, the feelings came through in a number of ways, and I like where you left the cliffhanger. It was engaging and drew me in.
Just one little thing:
-and was it not for her,- if it hadn't been for her
-I sensed rather than heard the collective gasp. - nice one. I like it. :)
Great job.:)
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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This had action and good pacing, the feelings came through in a number of ways, and I like where you left the cliffhanger. It was engaging and drew me in.
Just one little thing:
-and was it not for her,- if it hadn't been for her
-I sensed rather than heard the collective gasp. - nice one. I like it. :)
Great job.:)
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Oh Tessa, Thank you so much. How pleased I am that you like it. It means so much to me. All the best.Ulla :)
Comment from Dean Kuch
Wow. For you to have been completely devoid of all emotion after seeing your adopted mother in her Sunday Forever Best, there must have been some massive rift come between the two of you in the past.
I doubt that your adopted mom was dead set against you showing up at her funeral. After all, by that time, and when we've arrived at that condition, we could really care less who shows up. We'll never know.
An interesting, well written beginning to what I'm sure will be a very intriguing story, Ulla.
Best of luck with this...
~Dean
...slinks silently away to read and review a bit more...
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Wow. For you to have been completely devoid of all emotion after seeing your adopted mother in her Sunday Forever Best, there must have been some massive rift come between the two of you in the past.
I doubt that your adopted mom was dead set against you showing up at her funeral. After all, by that time, and when we've arrived at that condition, we could really care less who shows up. We'll never know.
An interesting, well written beginning to what I'm sure will be a very intriguing story, Ulla.
Best of luck with this...
~Dean
...slinks silently away to read and review a bit more...
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Hi Dean, Thanks for this great review. I agree with you but as the story unfolds there was a reason I wanted to be there. Call it a haunch. I love your signature, really witty and makes me smile. All the best. Ulla
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It's always a pleasure, Ulla.
You're very welcome.
Have a great weekend.
~Dean
Comment from MelB
I was wondering if it was your father's funeral or birth mother. I didn't even think about your adoptive mother. Did you say it had been 15 years? I tried to scan back up and find it, but can't find it.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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I was wondering if it was your father's funeral or birth mother. I didn't even think about your adoptive mother. Did you say it had been 15 years? I tried to scan back up and find it, but can't find it.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Hi Melissa, I understand that there can be some confusion. This takes place some eight years prior to the Quest which is still ongoing. I have added some notes now by way of explanation. Thanks a lot for the review. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Marvin Calloway
You've provided an interesting build up to the big scene and painted the ultimate circumstances admirably.
I like the way you suggest there will be more mysteries to unravel or explain.
Keep going.
Marv
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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You've provided an interesting build up to the big scene and painted the ultimate circumstances admirably.
I like the way you suggest there will be more mysteries to unravel or explain.
Keep going.
Marv
Comment Written 10-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much for this great review. More is to follow. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Ulla
= Very good chapter.
= I'm confused through--since this is Part One, is this Book 2, a continuation of your other book?
= Is the other one finished OR are you starting another one?
= I've seen this artwork before--it's gorgeous. Nice choice.
= Looking forward to the next part. (*<*)
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie <> Jax (*>*)
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Hi, Ulla
= Very good chapter.
= I'm confused through--since this is Part One, is this Book 2, a continuation of your other book?
= Is the other one finished OR are you starting another one?
= I've seen this artwork before--it's gorgeous. Nice choice.
= Looking forward to the next part. (*<*)
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie <> Jax (*>*)
Comment Written 10-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Hi Jax thank you so much for the great review. I have made some notes now at the end of the chapter. This is a total new part of my life taking place eight years prior to The Quest which is still and ongoing story. Not quite finished yet.
So yes, it is two different stories from my life. Never have had a dull moment. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Bryana
How sad dear friend. You lost your adoptive mother.
I'm glad you found your birth mother. How was your
relationship with your adoptive mother in the last
years of her life? Did you know she was ill? I assume
you lived in different countries.
Hugs
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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How sad dear friend. You lost your adoptive mother.
I'm glad you found your birth mother. How was your
relationship with your adoptive mother in the last
years of her life? Did you know she was ill? I assume
you lived in different countries.
Hugs
Comment Written 10-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Hi Bryana, So sorry about this late answer. I am grateful for the lovely remarks. But my Adoptive mother couldn't stand me and well if you'll follow this story you'll find out how all that went down. All the best and hugs. Ulla
