Scenes
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Scene at the Polls"Pons and Ned meet at different locations
18 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
A very good play on words. Either of the Clintons would finish the job Obama started and run the country straight into the ground.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2016
  |
A very good play on words. Either of the Clintons would finish the job Obama started and run the country straight into the ground.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2016
-
Thank you, Charlie, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from Gloria ....
Ha, love the opening convo. Who you voting for? The best candidate of course. Hmmm hmmm.
LOL. the next line is a real hoot.
Ned and Pons are hilarious. I hope you keep up with these two. Your punch lines are terrific.
Excellent writing, Bill.
Gloria
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2016
|
Ha, love the opening convo. Who you voting for? The best candidate of course. Hmmm hmmm.
LOL. the next line is a real hoot.
Ned and Pons are hilarious. I hope you keep up with these two. Your punch lines are terrific.
Excellent writing, Bill.
Gloria
Comment Written 08-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2016
-
Thank you, Gloria, the the kind review. Bill
Comment from TAB_that's me
lol - oh Bill you crack me up. Funny dialog and nice punch line at the end! No need to say any more than your ending.
~~Teresa~~
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2016
|
lol - oh Bill you crack me up. Funny dialog and nice punch line at the end! No need to say any more than your ending.
~~Teresa~~
Comment Written 07-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2016
-
Thank you, Teresa, for the upbeat review. Bill
Comment from Kareau
Very funny script! It's a nice relief from the rhetoric we are already hearing on TV. I really like the last couple of lines. This sort of reminds me of the joke "Who's on first".
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
|
Very funny script! It's a nice relief from the rhetoric we are already hearing on TV. I really like the last couple of lines. This sort of reminds me of the joke "Who's on first".
Comment Written 06-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
-
Thank you, Kareau, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from trumby
I'm not an American, mate, but politics is politics.
Neither of these blokes is going to win the Nobel prize for intelligence, but this conversation makes about as much sense as any that I've heard at a polling booth in Australia.
This is probably the typical reaction of the people on the ground to the nature of politics that they can't understand anyway.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
|
I'm not an American, mate, but politics is politics.
Neither of these blokes is going to win the Nobel prize for intelligence, but this conversation makes about as much sense as any that I've heard at a polling booth in Australia.
This is probably the typical reaction of the people on the ground to the nature of politics that they can't understand anyway.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
-
Thank you, Trumby, for the off shore perspective and kind review. Bill
-
no worries, mate.
Comment from Bill O'Bier
This piece paints a picture of this event and does so with great detail. I felt as if I was there. Just kidding---a nice humorous piece I enjoyed it on this cold day--Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
 |
This piece paints a picture of this event and does so with great detail. I felt as if I was there. Just kidding---a nice humorous piece I enjoyed it on this cold day--Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
-
Thank you, Bill, was giving it a look. Bill (the other one)
Comment from Dawn Munro
HAHAHAHA! Oh dear, these two - I don't want to miss when you post anything written about these clowns, Bill - your sense of humour is priceless! :0) (I am so sick of this lament, but, here goes - I wish I had a six for this one!)
*****************OUTSTANDING humour*******************
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
|
HAHAHAHA! Oh dear, these two - I don't want to miss when you post anything written about these clowns, Bill - your sense of humour is priceless! :0) (I am so sick of this lament, but, here goes - I wish I had a six for this one!)
*****************OUTSTANDING humour*******************
Comment Written 05-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
-
Thank you, Dawn, for the upbeat and encouraging review. Bill
-
You're very welcome. I'm grinning again this morning thinking of those two characters you've created. :0) (More please.)
Comment from Ben Colder
Pon would better off voting for the wall then then someone who was impeached. LOL. I am voting for Mickey Mouse. Good little skit.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
|
Pon would better off voting for the wall then then someone who was impeached. LOL. I am voting for Mickey Mouse. Good little skit.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
-
Thank you, Ben, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from LiveLoveDie
Oh my word. Best story I've read all day. Great job.
I wasn't sure where it was going at first, but the Obama-Osama argument was classic. And those last few lines were great. Loved it, awesome.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
|
Oh my word. Best story I've read all day. Great job.
I wasn't sure where it was going at first, but the Obama-Osama argument was classic. And those last few lines were great. Loved it, awesome.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
-
Thank you, LLD, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, interesting exchange. I'm sorry but this is not a well constructed script.
The reader has no information on who the characters are. Where in the scene they are, all we have is this: Pons and his cousin Ned meet at a voting booth.
I assume this is meant to be the setting. Are they in or outside? Are they alone? What is their mood. Are they standing, sitting, filling out cards? If so, are they in a booth together? Who is Ned and why is his language so off?
A scene needs to be more than dialogue. I would suggest changing this to a dialogue only prose.
It is humorous but as a script lack form and context.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
|
Hmm, interesting exchange. I'm sorry but this is not a well constructed script.
The reader has no information on who the characters are. Where in the scene they are, all we have is this: Pons and his cousin Ned meet at a voting booth.
I assume this is meant to be the setting. Are they in or outside? Are they alone? What is their mood. Are they standing, sitting, filling out cards? If so, are they in a booth together? Who is Ned and why is his language so off?
A scene needs to be more than dialogue. I would suggest changing this to a dialogue only prose.
It is humorous but as a script lack form and context.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
-
It is probably a story masquerading as a script. I actually do know how to construct a stage scene, but I don't want anyone to take this too seriously. This site is more fun to me than a learning vehicle. I fully agree this is beneath a script format, but most people realize that right off. Thank you for the honest and useful critique.
