Bonding Symposium
Ezell Scott fears his background check.10 total reviews
Comment from loismddavis
If I were Ezell I would get out of there as fast as I could. You have described a working situation that would be intolerable--I did not quite get the point. I found the writing style promising but for me you used the name Ezell much too often. It would be easier reading if you substituted something else for the many references to Ezell.
reply by the author on 29-May-2017
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If I were Ezell I would get out of there as fast as I could. You have described a working situation that would be intolerable--I did not quite get the point. I found the writing style promising but for me you used the name Ezell much too often. It would be easier reading if you substituted something else for the many references to Ezell.
Comment Written 29-May-2017
reply by the author on 29-May-2017
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I also felt Ezell's was overused. I was told by some viewers that they got mixed up with me using too many pronouns. Now, I see. Creating more balanced sentence structures and improve my writing will do. By the way, I happy to hear what you thought about the offensive boss. I wanted him to be sickening and detestable. I wanted the little man to win. Thanks.
Comment from kriver
Hi,
This is the type of situation that lots of people
have found themselves in I am sure.
Worrying about getting fired.
If you look on the net you can get
a grammar and spelling programs
that will correct your writing and
at the same time learn what is correct.
It would be a good investment.
If you want to learn to write and express yourself well.
Many people do this it is a necessary tool for writing.
No one writes anything perfect. Even when they know what they are doing they still make mistakes and miss things a writing program helps to eliminate mistakes.
Best regards,
K River
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
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Hi,
This is the type of situation that lots of people
have found themselves in I am sure.
Worrying about getting fired.
If you look on the net you can get
a grammar and spelling programs
that will correct your writing and
at the same time learn what is correct.
It would be a good investment.
If you want to learn to write and express yourself well.
Many people do this it is a necessary tool for writing.
No one writes anything perfect. Even when they know what they are doing they still make mistakes and miss things a writing program helps to eliminate mistakes.
Best regards,
K River
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
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I am working on basics right now. I am swamped with making corrections, slowly. Keeping up with a routine is difficult enough, I can not add a course. I realize writing takes time. I appreciate the idea. But I need time to study new stuff and correct my errors. Thanks a lot. I really don't have the time to spare. Thank for reading and the rating.
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Hi,
No I didn't mean a course I meant a writing computer program that you download or buy. It would make all the corrections for you and you would learn through see what corrections were made. I was thinking of an editing computer program that would help you edit your writing not like a school class.
Best regards,
K River
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Now, That can be helpful. What is it called?
Hi
one of the programs I have heard good things about is called
(Scrivener)
I'm not to sure on the spelling. I think it is correct try it and see.
Look on the web, look up writing/editing programs then check the reviews.
You can buy it on the web or best buy might have some different ones. But from what reviews I have read this one is suppose to be really good. I believe a lot of pros use it too. I am looking into getting it myself.
I have the same kinds problems with grammar and spelling. I also use the Fan story site spell check at the bottom of the reviewers window and where you post. The edit program on fan story is useless and will cause you nothing but headaches and frustration. Tom the owner refuses to correct it. He knows all about it but doesn't care.
Grammarly has a very basic free program but it mostly just tells you that you have made a mistake. But it doesn't tell you what they are or how to fix them. They have a paid version so you have to buy it to see and correct the mistakes. In the corner they give you the number and type of mistakes
I hope this helps,
Best regards,
K River
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K River, my friend. You are the best. To go through this means a lot. I have Grammarly proofreader when I communicate to someone. I have an extension of it to review grammar and other writing tools that help writing. Also, I have writing books. But, I tried taking the short cut to writing, hoping to reach a goal. That was the wrong approach to mastering a craft. It takes work. I am organizing my workshop time which is work on basics. For instance, one book teaches the rules to construct sentence the right way. I won't go into further details but, I am good. Thanks for your concern, my friend. I just need to organize better.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
The story itself is fine, but I've only given you a four rating as punctuation is all over the place, making it difficult to follow.
to outdo everybody. "Then - inverted commas misplaced - needs to be right after everybody."
"[] and the Symposiums starts - close that space
opens up in an easygoing manner- easy-going
He's a talkative short, isn't he[.](?)" - question-mark
"Have a good day, " the secretary calls out, as the door closes. - here again - move the inverted commas close to ... day,"
You need to go through and tidy up the inverted commas to make your work more presentable and easier to read.
a silent tug for a few position(s).
non-drinker
Ezell's finger [were] (was) flying - (finger -singular - therefore "was" - plural would be "were")
controller contrasting to George Patton [who's](whose) inclination to slap a shell-shocked - (who's = who is)
"I also realize that 's
.....................that's
"Keep up the good work. "laughing off and on, " and don't come to work late tipsy again." Gary Ford says, jokingly as he leaves. AGAIN your punctuation is all over the place, my friend ---
"Keep up the good work." laughing off and on, "and don't come to work late tipsy again." Gary Ford says,
Blessings,
Margaret
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
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The story itself is fine, but I've only given you a four rating as punctuation is all over the place, making it difficult to follow.
to outdo everybody. "Then - inverted commas misplaced - needs to be right after everybody."
"[] and the Symposiums starts - close that space
opens up in an easygoing manner- easy-going
He's a talkative short, isn't he[.](?)" - question-mark
"Have a good day, " the secretary calls out, as the door closes. - here again - move the inverted commas close to ... day,"
You need to go through and tidy up the inverted commas to make your work more presentable and easier to read.
a silent tug for a few position(s).
non-drinker
Ezell's finger [were] (was) flying - (finger -singular - therefore "was" - plural would be "were")
controller contrasting to George Patton [who's](whose) inclination to slap a shell-shocked - (who's = who is)
"I also realize that 's
.....................that's
"Keep up the good work. "laughing off and on, " and don't come to work late tipsy again." Gary Ford says, jokingly as he leaves. AGAIN your punctuation is all over the place, my friend ---
"Keep up the good work." laughing off and on, "and don't come to work late tipsy again." Gary Ford says,
Blessings,
Margaret
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
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I'm truly grateful for the rating. I also need to improve my writing in many areas. I will make the corrections.
Comment from apky
Hello there, pbomar1115,
I'll try to comment as I read along.
<
This is a bit confusing because you have 2 male names, so that when the pronoun "he" is used, the reader is not sure whether it's Gary or Ezell (eg Ezell Scott fears his last job background will harm...)
>>Then he leans toward Ezell face and murmurs softly<<
"Ezelle's face..."
>>The Office Boy's body posture loosens<<
~ either use "body" or "posture" but not both.
>>Everyone faces reveal bewilderment.<<
"Everyone's..."
You need to go through the work again and remember what I said some weeks ago about "consistency of tenses" - not mixing present tense with past tense, etc.
Keep going, my friend,
Apky
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
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Hello there, pbomar1115,
I'll try to comment as I read along.
<
This is a bit confusing because you have 2 male names, so that when the pronoun "he" is used, the reader is not sure whether it's Gary or Ezell (eg Ezell Scott fears his last job background will harm...)
>>Then he leans toward Ezell face and murmurs softly<<
"Ezelle's face..."
>>The Office Boy's body posture loosens<<
~ either use "body" or "posture" but not both.
>>Everyone faces reveal bewilderment.<<
"Everyone's..."
You need to go through the work again and remember what I said some weeks ago about "consistency of tenses" - not mixing present tense with past tense, etc.
Keep going, my friend,
Apky
Comment Written 26-May-2017
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
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Thanks, Apky. I hope you are reading the right copy. I will make the corrections needed. I appreciate and value your suggestions.
Comment from Mustang Patty
This sounds like an unpleasant meeting. You may want to put more action in it, and you are to be commended on the improvement in your writing.
A few nits: ' "Is this one of your jokes of today.(?)"
' Garry (Gary) Ford bestows honor...' (Is it Garry or Gary? You use both.)
I look forward to reading more of your work,
~patty~
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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This sounds like an unpleasant meeting. You may want to put more action in it, and you are to be commended on the improvement in your writing.
A few nits: ' "Is this one of your jokes of today.(?)"
' Garry (Gary) Ford bestows honor...' (Is it Garry or Gary? You use both.)
I look forward to reading more of your work,
~patty~
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Thanks, Patty. It's rather a slow process making the improvements needed in my writing. I have lots of problems but so I patch here and there and try developing something that was never here from the beginning. All without the aid or encouragement from others, accept writers. It is not an excuse but I do what I can. I motivate myself because this is what I choose to do with my time.. I'm thrilled others help me on this writing journey.
Comment from emptypage
Haha. Some funny, some terrifying (if I were in Ezell's shoes). Gary...him I don't love. But, hey, it turned out, right.?
A person cannot keep "during" a good job. You continue DOING a good job. You've got lots of these mistakes in here. Ebonics, as opposed to grammatical English.
Story is okay. Grammar/spelling need work.
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Haha. Some funny, some terrifying (if I were in Ezell's shoes). Gary...him I don't love. But, hey, it turned out, right.?
A person cannot keep "during" a good job. You continue DOING a good job. You've got lots of these mistakes in here. Ebonics, as opposed to grammatical English.
Story is okay. Grammar/spelling need work.
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Wow. You read fast. I just posted the story. I really like to clear up the Ebonics and grammatical errors. I struggle and if I knew what area of my writing to go to work on first, I would start there. But, I work at it in general while crafting stories. I have a balancing act going on here on this writing journey.
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Keep writing. Your grammar will improve. And yes, I read quickly. I love to read. I'll watch for more of your stories.
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By the way, I made the corrections, however, it will take drills and practice for grammar. My narration has to improve as well if I keep getting the encouragement like you give.Thanks, Emptypage. I was in a hurry to get started after a long absence. I will slow the story production, just a little to work on grammar and narration. I did not have a great writing foundation so, I have to make what little I have stronger.
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I'll help where I can.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
A good read. I noticed a few spags and a few places overused, but all in all I don't like to review for that. I am no expert but I do know what I like to read and this was wonderful. Reminds me of some I know and a time I...
Nicely done and interestingly told
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2015
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A good read. I noticed a few spags and a few places overused, but all in all I don't like to review for that. I am no expert but I do know what I like to read and this was wonderful. Reminds me of some I know and a time I...
Nicely done and interestingly told
Comment Written 28-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Barb. I'll go back and make the corrections. I always make errors in my writings.
Comment from Zue65
Yes, sometimes the gossip mill grinds the wrong grains. Anyway, I really love this story. I even wrote some sentences in my book of new vocabulary so, I can re-read them even without logging in to this site. Thanks for sharing an exceptional write. I dream to write just like the way you did here. You deserve six stars by the way.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2015
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Yes, sometimes the gossip mill grinds the wrong grains. Anyway, I really love this story. I even wrote some sentences in my book of new vocabulary so, I can re-read them even without logging in to this site. Thanks for sharing an exceptional write. I dream to write just like the way you did here. You deserve six stars by the way.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2015
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Wow. Your review is very encouraging. Thanks a lot.
Comment from JanPerry
Ezcell Scott - I have retyped this page for you. If you put your email on my profile page I can send it to you! It is worth it to fix all errors now, so you don't repeat these errors in your next piece. Jan Perry
The second paragraph doesn't make sense. Retype it.
Gary Ford's ways. influence has FORCED my colleagues. It was usually because help was not given.
....mail cart passed the office speed limit. [sounds odd]
He tossed it past my hand on the desk. "I don't know what you are talking about, I have been out of school for fifteen months."
"he didn't fit IN. He didn't seem right. .. to get fired?
He paused and examined me up and down with his eyes. He smiled slowly [sounds better]
......and practicality in business. ... to the ones he FAVORED.
[NO new paragraph needed after that]
Use the spell check as well.
good luck with this one.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2015
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Ezcell Scott - I have retyped this page for you. If you put your email on my profile page I can send it to you! It is worth it to fix all errors now, so you don't repeat these errors in your next piece. Jan Perry
The second paragraph doesn't make sense. Retype it.
Gary Ford's ways. influence has FORCED my colleagues. It was usually because help was not given.
....mail cart passed the office speed limit. [sounds odd]
He tossed it past my hand on the desk. "I don't know what you are talking about, I have been out of school for fifteen months."
"he didn't fit IN. He didn't seem right. .. to get fired?
He paused and examined me up and down with his eyes. He smiled slowly [sounds better]
......and practicality in business. ... to the ones he FAVORED.
[NO new paragraph needed after that]
Use the spell check as well.
good luck with this one.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2015
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Thanks again, JanPerry. I will make the corrections.
Comment from morgan6062
I think I have met some one like that man believe it or not! He was odd to say the least. I related well to your characters and they were well developed.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2015
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I think I have met some one like that man believe it or not! He was odd to say the least. I related well to your characters and they were well developed.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2015
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Wow. This makes me feel so, so, good. Thanks for the five stars and the compliment.
