The Gobbledegooks
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Cake of the Year"Children's Fantasy Poems
62 total reviews
Comment from LIJ Red
The meter, the rhymes, the fantasy story, and the adherence to the prompt
seem to be in order. A fine addition to a gobbledygooky book, I think.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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The meter, the rhymes, the fantasy story, and the adherence to the prompt
seem to be in order. A fine addition to a gobbledygooky book, I think.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Thank you!
This is the fifth of my Gobbledegook poems - I'm not going to give up until I've got Hilda and Rupert walking down the aisle!
Steve
Comment from kiwijenny
Splendid oh more than splendid...I was sad that it ended. Steve you take the cake you do....in fact you take two..
I love the splendiferous names and descriptions I loved it.
I have recently put my children's stories on authors.me
Give it a go
Jenny
God bless
Merry Christmas
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Splendid oh more than splendid...I was sad that it ended. Steve you take the cake you do....in fact you take two..
I love the splendiferous names and descriptions I loved it.
I have recently put my children's stories on authors.me
Give it a go
Jenny
God bless
Merry Christmas
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Jenny, thanks for the enthusiastic review and the six shiny stars.
I don't know anything about authors.me but I'm going to check it out tonight.
This is the fifth of my Gobbledegook poems - I'm not going to give up until I've got Hilda and Rupert walking down the aisle!
Steve
Comment from closetpoetjester
LOL Well this takes the cake for a sweet serve Steve! Thoroughly enjoyable with a touch of Zeuss...in spite of finding Marzipananigan a bit of a push, the rest got it well and truly over the line.
Boy you must have a pretty sweet tooth to dream up all those goodies mate. Well done, but maybe a verse or two too long for me. Then again, it WAS a story I spose LOL
Okay, sixer for you and I'm sure you'll clean up with this culinary effort in the kitchen. Nice to see the judges recognizing TWO fine entries and enjoying both...dare I say, having their cake and eating one too! LOL
Cheers P
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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LOL Well this takes the cake for a sweet serve Steve! Thoroughly enjoyable with a touch of Zeuss...in spite of finding Marzipananigan a bit of a push, the rest got it well and truly over the line.
Boy you must have a pretty sweet tooth to dream up all those goodies mate. Well done, but maybe a verse or two too long for me. Then again, it WAS a story I spose LOL
Okay, sixer for you and I'm sure you'll clean up with this culinary effort in the kitchen. Nice to see the judges recognizing TWO fine entries and enjoying both...dare I say, having their cake and eating one too! LOL
Cheers P
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Thank you for the great review, the six stars and for overlooking the prodigious length!
This may have had just a little inspiration from Australian masterChef which is showing here at the moment.
This is the fifth of my Gobbledegook poems - I'm not going to give up until I've got Hilda and Rupert walking down the aisle!
Steve
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Charlie.
Steve
Comment from ~Dovey
Steve,
This is fun and lighthearted. It moves along at such a clip, with natural excitement. I stumbled through some of the complicated names, but overall, it was fun and engaging.
Wishing you all the best in the contest!
Kim
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Steve,
This is fun and lighthearted. It moves along at such a clip, with natural excitement. I stumbled through some of the complicated names, but overall, it was fun and engaging.
Wishing you all the best in the contest!
Kim
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Dovey, thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Well written poem with a touch of humor thrown in for good measure.
Good food, good fun. What more can you possibly wish for?
The Gobbledegooks seem to have life down to a science, don't they?
A castle cake. There is a novel idea.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Well written poem with a touch of humor thrown in for good measure.
Good food, good fun. What more can you possibly wish for?
The Gobbledegooks seem to have life down to a science, don't they?
A castle cake. There is a novel idea.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Brett.
This is the fifth poem in the Gobbledegooks series. I can see I'll have to keep going until I get Hilda and Rupert married off.
Steve
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well I always enjoy your Gobbledegook Poems Steve..
Childre will surely enjoy the book when you are finished with it. Thats quite a story about a cake contest, Well done and thoroughly enjoyed. Good luck. I would hate to judge this contest. LOL Nancy
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Well I always enjoy your Gobbledegook Poems Steve..
Childre will surely enjoy the book when you are finished with it. Thats quite a story about a cake contest, Well done and thoroughly enjoyed. Good luck. I would hate to judge this contest. LOL Nancy
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Nancy.
This is the fifth poem in the Gobbledegooks series. I can see I'll have to keep going until I get Hilda and Rupert married off.
Steve
Comment from Louise Michelle
What a creative, culinary delight for the kiddies and us big kids as well.
Just my opinion, but I think it's too long. You might say I have the attention span of a child, but isn't that your target audience, LOL.
But, seriously, if you're working on a book, I'm sure you've researched word count and in all honesty I am not fond of having to scroll down a screen too much to read. So, it might work better in book form. Have a wonderful Christmas. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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What a creative, culinary delight for the kiddies and us big kids as well.
Just my opinion, but I think it's too long. You might say I have the attention span of a child, but isn't that your target audience, LOL.
But, seriously, if you're working on a book, I'm sure you've researched word count and in all honesty I am not fond of having to scroll down a screen too much to read. So, it might work better in book form. Have a wonderful Christmas. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Lou.
Yes, it is long. I did consider splitting it into two halves, but thought better of it...
Steve
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
wow very well done.
whimsical and enjoyable.
flows in a sing/song pattern making it a reread.
read it to my grandson on the phone and he laughed ...a sign of acceptance.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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wow very well done.
whimsical and enjoyable.
flows in a sing/song pattern making it a reread.
read it to my grandson on the phone and he laughed ...a sign of acceptance.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Barb, for reading and road-testing my poem.
This is the fifth poem in the Gobbledegooks series. I can see I'll have to keep going until I get Hilda and Rupert married off.
Steve
Comment from krys123
Steve;
-ingredients were simple, special and silly." And you have: "Ingredients simple and special and silly." I was just looking at the use of too many ands.
- "Now Crackpepper smiles as the crosses the floor". Has only 11 syllables. this is one of two that I found that only 11 syllables. I believe you are looking to write your poem in an anapestic 12 syllables per line. Because most of your poem is written in that. the case I would go back and check your other lines that are 11 syllables per line.
- because of the words that you used your rhyming was exceptional in each of your rhyming words were contingent and supportive to the concept and meaning of each of your lines. And remarkably your writing was neither forced nor labored throughout your writing which is also helpful in making a rhythmic flow smooth.
- your imagery was outstanding and distinct, clear and exquisitely expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writing. Your imagery totally dazzled me.
- the picture was fun and very complementary, relative and appropriate for your writing.
- excellent use of enjambment
- near and notable alliteration's: " flurry of flour", "beating a butter", "stirring and spicing", "sifting in sprinkling".... These are just some of the many of the alliteration that I found in your writing which makes your reading fun.
- good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
PS: May you have a very Merry Christmas and a happy and wealthy in love New Year.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Steve;
-ingredients were simple, special and silly." And you have: "Ingredients simple and special and silly." I was just looking at the use of too many ands.
- "Now Crackpepper smiles as the crosses the floor". Has only 11 syllables. this is one of two that I found that only 11 syllables. I believe you are looking to write your poem in an anapestic 12 syllables per line. Because most of your poem is written in that. the case I would go back and check your other lines that are 11 syllables per line.
- because of the words that you used your rhyming was exceptional in each of your rhyming words were contingent and supportive to the concept and meaning of each of your lines. And remarkably your writing was neither forced nor labored throughout your writing which is also helpful in making a rhythmic flow smooth.
- your imagery was outstanding and distinct, clear and exquisitely expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writing. Your imagery totally dazzled me.
- the picture was fun and very complementary, relative and appropriate for your writing.
- excellent use of enjambment
- near and notable alliteration's: " flurry of flour", "beating a butter", "stirring and spicing", "sifting in sprinkling".... These are just some of the many of the alliteration that I found in your writing which makes your reading fun.
- good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
PS: May you have a very Merry Christmas and a happy and wealthy in love New Year.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Alex, thanks for your thoughtful comments.
Yes, the meter is anapaestic and a 'standard' line would indeed have 12 syllables. However, I have chosen to use two main variations to that meter:
1. Omitting one or sometimes two unstressed syllables at the start of the line (elision)
2. Using rhyme on two or three syllables at the end of the line (feminine rhyme) thus adding extra syllables.
So a typical line will have 11, 12 or 13 syllables - rarely 10 or 14
Steve
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I stand corrected Steve and thank you for that understanding of your writing.
Alex
