The Gobbledegooks
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Cake of the Year"Children's Fantasy Poems
62 total reviews
Comment from MacMhuirich
What a fun story poem. A very clever package in good rhyme and flow with nicely crafted contestants for the Cake battle. The imagery in your wording is terrific and very enjoyable. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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What a fun story poem. A very clever package in good rhyme and flow with nicely crafted contestants for the Cake battle. The imagery in your wording is terrific and very enjoyable. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
Comment Written 21-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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John, thanks so much for the kind words.
Have a great Christmas.
Steve
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A delightful and fun poem and an excellent contest entry, my friend. Chilli should be chili. Nice alliteration and I love your characters. I haven't read the others in your book, but congratulate you on completing it. Best wishes in the contest~Debbie
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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A delightful and fun poem and an excellent contest entry, my friend. Chilli should be chili. Nice alliteration and I love your characters. I haven't read the others in your book, but congratulate you on completing it. Best wishes in the contest~Debbie
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Debbie.
I believe chili is an American spelling - UK (and Gobbledegooks) prefer chilli. Yep, spell-check has just underlined chili and accepted chilli.
Take a look at the book some time - it's lots of fun.
Steve
Comment from Amy Greta
This is such a great story for kids, they will love it! The rhyming, the silly words and the Cinderella type underdog getting a kiss from the Prince, not to mention all the goodies and sweets, ending with TWO cakes!
Excellent story, and I can so see it as a picture book:)
Best of luck!
Amy
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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This is such a great story for kids, they will love it! The rhyming, the silly words and the Cinderella type underdog getting a kiss from the Prince, not to mention all the goodies and sweets, ending with TWO cakes!
Excellent story, and I can so see it as a picture book:)
Best of luck!
Amy
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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Thanks, AG
Yes, I would love to see this whole series published. Just think what a really talented illustrator could do with this story and these characters...
Merry Christmas.
Steve
Comment from MissMerri
Such a delightful story! It sounds like a story children might enjoy for years and years to come. Will you publish it? I wasn't sure but I thought this seemed like a question: "Remember the girl with the long golden braids" in which case, you'd want a question mark at the end. Otherwise, I guess it is a command.
This next sentence seemed a little uneven or less rhythmical somehow. I wondered if it would help to leave out "started" and say "The flour is flying, the battle begins."
(You wrote: The flour's started flying, the battle begins;)
But... it is a truly well-written and well-conceived story and I'm sure the judges will love it. Best wishes in the contest. MM
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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Such a delightful story! It sounds like a story children might enjoy for years and years to come. Will you publish it? I wasn't sure but I thought this seemed like a question: "Remember the girl with the long golden braids" in which case, you'd want a question mark at the end. Otherwise, I guess it is a command.
This next sentence seemed a little uneven or less rhythmical somehow. I wondered if it would help to leave out "started" and say "The flour is flying, the battle begins."
(You wrote: The flour's started flying, the battle begins;)
But... it is a truly well-written and well-conceived story and I'm sure the judges will love it. Best wishes in the contest. MM
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Adonna.
This is the fifth poem in this series. Yes, I would love to see all of published. Just think what a really talented illustrator could do with this story and these characters...
Merry Christmas.
Steve
Comment from GWinterwin
This is a very cute little poem about the cake of the year. Seems that this cake had just about every ingredient you can think of. Then crackpepper, and Hilda seem to hit it off well.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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This is a very cute little poem about the cake of the year. Seems that this cake had just about every ingredient you can think of. Then crackpepper, and Hilda seem to hit it off well.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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Thanks so much for the kind words.
Merry Christmas.
Steve
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Such a great entry for the contest, Steve. I have a great big smile on my face from reading this delightful poem! Chock full of great imagination, you have created some terrific imagery for your reader. I can just picture all of the gobbledegooks rushing about in their flying flour fervor to win the cake baking contest. :)
Great alliterations, and some very clever lines. Some of my faves: "Lickladle Licorice", "Wineberry Whiskit", "Mousse Marzipanigan" .... lol. How do you come up with this stuff? ... hilarious!
Best wishes for the contest.
Connie
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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Such a great entry for the contest, Steve. I have a great big smile on my face from reading this delightful poem! Chock full of great imagination, you have created some terrific imagery for your reader. I can just picture all of the gobbledegooks rushing about in their flying flour fervor to win the cake baking contest. :)
Great alliterations, and some very clever lines. Some of my faves: "Lickladle Licorice", "Wineberry Whiskit", "Mousse Marzipanigan" .... lol. How do you come up with this stuff? ... hilarious!
Best wishes for the contest.
Connie
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Connie, for the six stars and the enthusiastic review.
My wife and I had a little brainstorming session to think of suitable names. You should see some of the bizarro ones I left out!
Now I just have to get Magog the Magician to put a spell on the judges.
Steve
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Sounds like your wife is as clever as you are if she was able to help come up with those good names. :) Hey, I don't think the judges are going to need a spell. The magic is in the poem itself. :)
Connie
Comment from royowen
I love reviewing these imaginative and blowing apart any notion that language is not beautifully adaptable and can be creatively inspired, need to read these JM Barrie style poems, but yet your very own creation. Mark Fowler up is good at these too! Symmetrically even meter, brilliant language and soling rhyming make it very readable, well done blessings Roy
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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I love reviewing these imaginative and blowing apart any notion that language is not beautifully adaptable and can be creatively inspired, need to read these JM Barrie style poems, but yet your very own creation. Mark Fowler up is good at these too! Symmetrically even meter, brilliant language and soling rhyming make it very readable, well done blessings Roy
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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Roy, thanks so much for the kind review.
Steve
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Most welcome
Comment from RGstar
Stevie boy, This is definitely too long for a poem in this form, even if it should be a story. Because of the strong alliteration and its lyrical content means it will be a little too rich...like too many sweets all at once,but hey...that is not a criticism just part constructive analysis for as I started reading this tongue twister, I smiled with admiration for you certainly toyed and thought this through with quill and mind in unison, for it is formidable indeed, so I have no doubts in awarding this six stars for this fine effort and skill. I must admit, by the end, I was kind of hoping for an end so as not to see all your work run out at the end where the readers mind may wane, for no matter how good the wrote, concentration levels (reader) has to have an even flow.
I like to see effort, and you have put together a fantastic write...yes, a little too long, but worth any six star.
Well done, a little shorter would see more six stars.
This should be up there battling for the win with a little doctoring, yet I am not sure how you would go about it.
Good luck with this, it is a little masterpiece in two.
RGstar
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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Stevie boy, This is definitely too long for a poem in this form, even if it should be a story. Because of the strong alliteration and its lyrical content means it will be a little too rich...like too many sweets all at once,but hey...that is not a criticism just part constructive analysis for as I started reading this tongue twister, I smiled with admiration for you certainly toyed and thought this through with quill and mind in unison, for it is formidable indeed, so I have no doubts in awarding this six stars for this fine effort and skill. I must admit, by the end, I was kind of hoping for an end so as not to see all your work run out at the end where the readers mind may wane, for no matter how good the wrote, concentration levels (reader) has to have an even flow.
I like to see effort, and you have put together a fantastic write...yes, a little too long, but worth any six star.
Well done, a little shorter would see more six stars.
This should be up there battling for the win with a little doctoring, yet I am not sure how you would go about it.
Good luck with this, it is a little masterpiece in two.
RGstar
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2015
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Ray, I know what you mean about the length. I did contemplate splitting it in two, but decided to leave it as it is.
Anyway, thanks for overlooking that and awarding six stars anyway.
Don't worry about the judges - I have asked Magog the Magician to cast a spell on them so they don't notice how long it is.
Steve
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Ha,ha,ha....then you deserve to win, ha,ha
Comment from evilynne
Oh, your poem is a magical wonderful concoction of sweet surprises! It is happy reading from beginning to end. Good luck in the contest! Evi
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Oh, your poem is a magical wonderful concoction of sweet surprises! It is happy reading from beginning to end. Good luck in the contest! Evi
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Evi, thanks so much for the great review and the six shiny stars.
This is the fifth of my Gobbledegook poems - I'm not going to give up until I've got Hilda and Rupert walking down the aisle!
Steve
Comment from sibhus
What a fun little story poem. I thought your names and descriptions were very inventive and perfect for a fairy tale world. A good message in being yourself and trying your best, no matter what. A good addition to the contest, and good luck.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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What a fun little story poem. I thought your names and descriptions were very inventive and perfect for a fairy tale world. A good message in being yourself and trying your best, no matter what. A good addition to the contest, and good luck.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Thanks for the kind words.
This is the fifth of my Gobbledegook poems - I'm not going to give up until I've got Hilda and Rupert walking down the aisle!
Steve
