Scenes
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Scene at a Grocery Store"Pons and Ned meet at different locations
9 total reviews
Comment from janalma
This has me chuckling but I don't know why. I'm as confused as Ned. But, I'm certainly glad that he knows the right words to parrot to his friend. Lol. He sounds like he's a little hyper-pathetical himself. I loved the line, "Okay, Ned. I quit.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
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This has me chuckling but I don't know why. I'm as confused as Ned. But, I'm certainly glad that he knows the right words to parrot to his friend. Lol. He sounds like he's a little hyper-pathetical himself. I loved the line, "Okay, Ned. I quit.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Janalma, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from Dawn Munro
HAHAHAHAHA! Wonderful! As far as scripts go, you might need a little more stage direction, but I pictured this easily, and those characters are ridiculously funny. *Big grin* (In fact, I'd give it a six if I had one!)
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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
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HAHAHAHAHA! Wonderful! As far as scripts go, you might need a little more stage direction, but I pictured this easily, and those characters are ridiculously funny. *Big grin* (In fact, I'd give it a six if I had one!)
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Comment Written 12-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Dawn, for the excellent review. I've done four of these Ned and Pons things and am consistently advised to include some more set up and stage direction. I guess I'd better do that. Happy day. Bill
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If you want to publish, yes, and if I were you, I'd sure be submitting! It's great!
Comment from AnnaLinda
Bill,
I found your one scene at the grocery store check-out to
be entertaining. It had me thinking of all the times I pick
the wrong line...the slow one!
"hyper-pathethic question" >LOL
Linda
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Bill,
I found your one scene at the grocery store check-out to
be entertaining. It had me thinking of all the times I pick
the wrong line...the slow one!
"hyper-pathethic question" >LOL
Linda
Comment Written 11-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Linda, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from Gloria ....
Ha, Bill. Love the ending on this one. The toxic effects of sugar are so often overlooked when we're discussing the bad things we put in our bodies such as low-fat Drano.
These short scripts are a lot of fun. I can see them playing out on stage very well.
Gloria
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Ha, Bill. Love the ending on this one. The toxic effects of sugar are so often overlooked when we're discussing the bad things we put in our bodies such as low-fat Drano.
These short scripts are a lot of fun. I can see them playing out on stage very well.
Gloria
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Gloria, for the encouraging review. Bill
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hahahaha!
Bill, you just gotta find a publisher for these when you get enough of them written to fill a book. If you knew a good illustrator, he or she could also illustrate it for you, much like the Calvin & Hobbes were, remember them? Anyhow, I digress (sorry!)...
These are funniest really short stories on this site, bar none. Oh sure, Nark Valentine's Scenes From a Marriage are quite funny too, but they are much longer than your Ned & Pons stories are.
These are micro-fiction short snippets of hilarity. They never fail to make me laugh out loud, and this chapter was no exception. I would love to see these two in a Halloween Super Store. That'd be priceless!
Great work!
~Dean :)
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Hahahaha!
Bill, you just gotta find a publisher for these when you get enough of them written to fill a book. If you knew a good illustrator, he or she could also illustrate it for you, much like the Calvin & Hobbes were, remember them? Anyhow, I digress (sorry!)...
These are funniest really short stories on this site, bar none. Oh sure, Nark Valentine's Scenes From a Marriage are quite funny too, but they are much longer than your Ned & Pons stories are.
These are micro-fiction short snippets of hilarity. They never fail to make me laugh out loud, and this chapter was no exception. I would love to see these two in a Halloween Super Store. That'd be priceless!
Great work!
~Dean :)
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Dean, for the encouraging review. I enjoy writing them as well. I've made of a list of other likely venues for the two to visit. Bill
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Well, keep 'em coming, and you're very welcome. :)
Comment from krys123
Bill;
-I can understand this mundane conversation between Pons and Ned especially if I were 40 yrs. young and still was smoking pot.
-in these conversations are for the dumber and dumbest.
- thanks for sharing and posting and may the Lord be with you Bill.
Alex
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Bill;
-I can understand this mundane conversation between Pons and Ned especially if I were 40 yrs. young and still was smoking pot.
-in these conversations are for the dumber and dumbest.
- thanks for sharing and posting and may the Lord be with you Bill.
Alex
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Alex, for the excellent review. Bill
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You are so welcome Bill.
Alex
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
LOL! I always smoke Hypotheticals... cheapest brand there is and no tar or nicotine. LOL! I love your little scenes. You have a knack for this. Well done. :)
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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LOL! I always smoke Hypotheticals... cheapest brand there is and no tar or nicotine. LOL! I love your little scenes. You have a knack for this. Well done. :)
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Phyllis, for a great review. Bill
Comment from Lesley Collier
A very humorous conversation between two men at a grocery store checkout, one asking the questions and becoming hilariously befuddled with the other trying to explain how things are. Well written with a sense of style and humour!
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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A very humorous conversation between two men at a grocery store checkout, one asking the questions and becoming hilariously befuddled with the other trying to explain how things are. Well written with a sense of style and humour!
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Lesley, for giving this a look.
Comment from MitchZ
Great, that "hookah brand" line made me laugh. You wrote the dialogue very effectively however, I thought you have made more use of imagery I found it kind of hard to picture these characters, but the idea was great. Overall it was well written dialogue and really nailed home a point we should all be taught.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Great, that "hookah brand" line made me laugh. You wrote the dialogue very effectively however, I thought you have made more use of imagery I found it kind of hard to picture these characters, but the idea was great. Overall it was well written dialogue and really nailed home a point we should all be taught.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Mitch, for giving this a look. This is my fourth scene with Ned and Pons, so I am assuming a lot about them I guess.
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The dialogue gave me a little detail as to they were older, but maybe add character descriptions not even in the script maybe right above where you said "Ned and Pons meet at a checkout line"
