Santa's Long Tale of Hope
Picture This Poem30 total reviews
Comment from danpald
Another Christmas Tale given to be told
For the poem is given as one so bold
Well to be shared with others called classic
For the poem does present well the Story
That Story often neglected in these days
When so many think only of the gifts
The commercial of the time
Well to present the Truth it is Christmas Time
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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Another Christmas Tale given to be told
For the poem is given as one so bold
Well to be shared with others called classic
For the poem does present well the Story
That Story often neglected in these days
When so many think only of the gifts
The commercial of the time
Well to present the Truth it is Christmas Time
Comment Written 27-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much for your review of my poem. I enjoyed writing it, and even have my mother a copy for Christmas. She has it sitting on her mantelpiece!
Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson
This is such a fabulous story of our Lord and Saviour. I can tell that it is also one that has been handed down in some form or fashion through your family. Otherwise, you're the very best storyteller I have every met. This is one to be showcased. I am privileged to have been able to read this. Thank you.
Blessings,
Darlene
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
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This is such a fabulous story of our Lord and Saviour. I can tell that it is also one that has been handed down in some form or fashion through your family. Otherwise, you're the very best storyteller I have every met. This is one to be showcased. I am privileged to have been able to read this. Thank you.
Blessings,
Darlene
Comment Written 02-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
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Thank you so much, Darlene. What a sweet review! It's not a story passed down, but the whole idea of telling these types of stories was. My father was quite the story teller, and set me on my own journey down that road. You are very encouraging, thanks,
Rhonda
Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr
Hello poet friend. You have really been busy and this is a wonderful addition to the Christmas poetry and your notes were very helpful and interesting.
I think your imagination has created a wonderful, insightful poem that many will certainly cherish. It was new and delightful!
I also wish you and yours a very wonderful Christmas. Loyd C. Taylor, Sr.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Hello poet friend. You have really been busy and this is a wonderful addition to the Christmas poetry and your notes were very helpful and interesting.
I think your imagination has created a wonderful, insightful poem that many will certainly cherish. It was new and delightful!
I also wish you and yours a very wonderful Christmas. Loyd C. Taylor, Sr.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thank you so much, Loyd. What a kind review. You have given a rare six late in the week, and you have touched me with your words and support. Thank you so much,
Rhonda
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I enjoyed, you are very welcome. Thank you as well. Loyd
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I enjoyed, you are very welcome. Thank you as well. Loyd
Comment from boxergirl
Wish I had a sixer left, Rhonda. What a great Cristmas poem about the little sheperd boy meeting Baby Jesus. I am glad you didnt trim a single word. Well worth the read.
Merry Christmas to you and yours!
Karen
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Wish I had a sixer left, Rhonda. What a great Cristmas poem about the little sheperd boy meeting Baby Jesus. I am glad you didnt trim a single word. Well worth the read.
Merry Christmas to you and yours!
Karen
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Aww, thank you, Karen! That is so sweet! In the end, I've enjoyed rereading it, but I had tried in so many ways to change it up and gave up and went with my original version. Thank you for your kind words, and for reading all the way through!
Rhonda
Comment from William Ross
This is great even considering the length, very well written great verses, great story you did an excellent job on this. Thanks for sharing this lovely piece.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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This is great even considering the length, very well written great verses, great story you did an excellent job on this. Thanks for sharing this lovely piece.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thank you so much, William, for taking the time to read the poem and leave your lovely comments. Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Pardna. I had to go for a hike to read this and I am so glad I did.
What a brilliant piece of poetic story telling! I am so proud of you and the skill you have shown with this form. When an Aussie reads this "Bush Poetry" will spring to mind, which is an Aussie form written by our greats such as A B (Banjo) Patterson and his mates.
The story itself is very sweet and vivid as is the flow for the most part, but you know me and meter lol.
A fine work of art my friend.
One little suggestion but you can tell me to bugger off if you want lol.
"Outside there was a line of men, waiting to catch a glimpse
of something with great value lying beyond the distant fence."
(I would perhaps try something like;
"Outside stood a line of men, who had real a strong sense
of something with great value lying beyond the distant fence."
Just rides a bit better.)
Well done Sis.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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G'day Pardna. I had to go for a hike to read this and I am so glad I did.
What a brilliant piece of poetic story telling! I am so proud of you and the skill you have shown with this form. When an Aussie reads this "Bush Poetry" will spring to mind, which is an Aussie form written by our greats such as A B (Banjo) Patterson and his mates.
The story itself is very sweet and vivid as is the flow for the most part, but you know me and meter lol.
A fine work of art my friend.
One little suggestion but you can tell me to bugger off if you want lol.
"Outside there was a line of men, waiting to catch a glimpse
of something with great value lying beyond the distant fence."
(I would perhaps try something like;
"Outside stood a line of men, who had real a strong sense
of something with great value lying beyond the distant fence."
Just rides a bit better.)
Well done Sis.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thank you so much for taking the hike to read it. I so wanted to see what you thought about it! I value your opinion above all others! I did try to make it "Bush Poetry" style, after the form you taught me, but was afraid I fell short of the mark since its been so long since I've attempted it.
I love your suggestion, it definitely works better that way, and I would never discount your suggestions!
Thank you so much, and especially for the six star rating! Tell Delia hi for me,
Rhonda
Comment from Pantygynt
Santa as a story teller. Now that is a new take on the Christmas story. It is a lovely tail that borrows little bits from all the Christmas stories you have ever heard, all the good ones anyway. I recognized so many of the folk motifs emblematic of Christmas. Well done. A very happy Christmas and prosperous New Year to you and yours.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Santa as a story teller. Now that is a new take on the Christmas story. It is a lovely tail that borrows little bits from all the Christmas stories you have ever heard, all the good ones anyway. I recognized so many of the folk motifs emblematic of Christmas. Well done. A very happy Christmas and prosperous New Year to you and yours.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Why thank you! That's why it ended up being such a long story, lol. Anyway, I at least got it done, and it took days to prepare. Thanks for reviewing!
Rhonda
Comment from lightink
This made me cry. I don't think of myself as religious - but this story has such a spiritual power! It was definitely worth reading it! Very inspirational!
This part was my favorite:
'My son came not to serve such kings as you see behind,
but the brokenhearted, and those souls who've shown they're kind,"
Wonderfully told story!
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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This made me cry. I don't think of myself as religious - but this story has such a spiritual power! It was definitely worth reading it! Very inspirational!
This part was my favorite:
'My son came not to serve such kings as you see behind,
but the brokenhearted, and those souls who've shown they're kind,"
Wonderfully told story!
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Aww, you are so sweet, thank you. I was so unsure when I posted this epic poem with very little attention to conventional rules, but everyone has been so kind and supportive. Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
Rhonda
Comment from I am Cat
Oh Holy Night Girlfriend!
what are you trying to do? Win Poem of the Month or something? lol
This was absolutely beautiful and i had to go back and figure out where, again , you go all THAT from THIS artwork? LOL
Because yeah.... it didn't inspire THAT out of me! LOL
wow... just beautiful.
well done dear friend... metersmeter (to quote a friend) lol
Mwah
Cat
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Oh Holy Night Girlfriend!
what are you trying to do? Win Poem of the Month or something? lol
This was absolutely beautiful and i had to go back and figure out where, again , you go all THAT from THIS artwork? LOL
Because yeah.... it didn't inspire THAT out of me! LOL
wow... just beautiful.
well done dear friend... metersmeter (to quote a friend) lol
Mwah
Cat
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Awwwwwwww, thank you, you're so entirely sweet. Inspiration: first and foremost, I'm a storyteller, one of the only positive things I ever got from my father. When I saw the picture, I thought, "he's telling them a story." Then, "what story?" The rest just came out, and as I was always telling my kids stories at night, it was probably pretty close to one of those.
And, yet again, I'm writing a book, when flash fiction would have sufficed, so, thank you for your sweet words. You've warmed my heart once again!
BTW, I've visited one perso so far and bounced up three of his poems- not Feral's because I've probably commented on all of his, but I'll try later anyway...unless someone beats me to it! Too much fun! You bumped up two of mine.
Hugs and kisses,
Rhonda
Comment from amahra
Beautiful and loved it!!!
his coat was mottled dark and grey, his foot broken in his sleep. [This line seem forced. Doesn't make much sense. What about omitting "his coat was mottled dark and grey and just go for the broken foot with: [and with a broken hoof to drag, the lamb could only creep]
Born a poor crippled child, his parents only son,
couldn't play like others played, he'd stumble when he'd run. [love these two lines]
Outside there was a line of men, waiting to catch a glimpse
of something with great value lying beyond the distant fence.[beautiful and sacred lines]
when it dimmed, the lamb could walk, and Raja danced on air. [This line brings a tear]
of a crippled lamb and shepherd boy, healed by a baby's sigh. [healed by a baby's sigh is a kind of weak wrap up of such a great story; what about {healed from the power on high] or something of that nature.
And I love the fact that you combined Santa with the story of Christ. That was wonderful thinking.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Beautiful and loved it!!!
his coat was mottled dark and grey, his foot broken in his sleep. [This line seem forced. Doesn't make much sense. What about omitting "his coat was mottled dark and grey and just go for the broken foot with: [and with a broken hoof to drag, the lamb could only creep]
Born a poor crippled child, his parents only son,
couldn't play like others played, he'd stumble when he'd run. [love these two lines]
Outside there was a line of men, waiting to catch a glimpse
of something with great value lying beyond the distant fence.[beautiful and sacred lines]
when it dimmed, the lamb could walk, and Raja danced on air. [This line brings a tear]
of a crippled lamb and shepherd boy, healed by a baby's sigh. [healed by a baby's sigh is a kind of weak wrap up of such a great story; what about {healed from the power on high] or something of that nature.
And I love the fact that you combined Santa with the story of Christ. That was wonderful thinking.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Wow, thank you for some really great suggestions! I added the last two lines just recently when I tried to "clean up" the two lined ending. Okay, off I go to make some changes. Thanks, by the way, for the wonderful 6 stars when there were still mistakes to fix. You're the greatest!
Rhonda
