Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Faith is a wraith"A collection of poems on these themes
22 total reviews
Comment from CeciliaLynne
It is always a very rewarding experience to read and share in gifted inspirited work that produces excellence.
Your choice of vocabulary, the rhythm and rhyme, the relevant message portrayed in a manner that took my mind back to Tennyson, Wordsworth, Shakespeare, Longfellow, Rossetti, and more recent of my favorites Rudyard Kipling, Poe, Langston Hughes, Maya Angelou & Alice Walker just to name a few. Praying your name and contributions will join them in time. You are blessed with a very special gift.
The avid reader that I am, poetry though has always been comforting inspiring and a very personal unique form of expression that I thoroughly enjoy and can get lost in the moment. All the best and thank you for sharing in your very unique style.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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It is always a very rewarding experience to read and share in gifted inspirited work that produces excellence.
Your choice of vocabulary, the rhythm and rhyme, the relevant message portrayed in a manner that took my mind back to Tennyson, Wordsworth, Shakespeare, Longfellow, Rossetti, and more recent of my favorites Rudyard Kipling, Poe, Langston Hughes, Maya Angelou & Alice Walker just to name a few. Praying your name and contributions will join them in time. You are blessed with a very special gift.
The avid reader that I am, poetry though has always been comforting inspiring and a very personal unique form of expression that I thoroughly enjoy and can get lost in the moment. All the best and thank you for sharing in your very unique style.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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Cecilia, thanks so much for the very flattering review and the six shiny stars. I can only aspire to be half as good as the names you mention.
Steve
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Aspirations come with never giving up using your gift. Future revelations are spiritual and in God's hands. Just know that you have what it takes. Merry Christmas.
Comment from BillyCraven
very nice, thanks for directing me here. i think when you read it aloud you can't help but fall into a really nice rhythm. the wordplay is clever but also not just clever for its own sake, there's a lot of meaning behind the words. nice job.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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very nice, thanks for directing me here. i think when you read it aloud you can't help but fall into a really nice rhythm. the wordplay is clever but also not just clever for its own sake, there's a lot of meaning behind the words. nice job.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Billy.
Sometimes I just let the words fall into place and direct the meaning a little bit...
Steve
Comment from lightink
Congratulations on the well deserved win! This one left me speechless, my friend! The internal rhymes, the flow and the wit and the unique approach!
I am marking this!
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Congratulations on the well deserved win! This one left me speechless, my friend! The internal rhymes, the flow and the wit and the unique approach!
I am marking this!
Comment Written 04-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Jyoti - so glad you enjoyed this. I appreciate the kind words and the six stars - not to mention becoming a fan and bookmarking the piece.
Steve
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 04-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks.
Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
Steve, you've outdone yourself this time. And maybe undone yourself, too. But I couldn't agree more with your premise.
Hell, faith is the premise, when we get down to it.
There's a strain in your voice, but the message is clear.
The rhymes are solid, but in this case it's the assonance that glues this piece.
I felt a momentum building as I read.
I suspect you felt it as you wrote.
A brave piece, my friend.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Steve, you've outdone yourself this time. And maybe undone yourself, too. But I couldn't agree more with your premise.
Hell, faith is the premise, when we get down to it.
There's a strain in your voice, but the message is clear.
The rhymes are solid, but in this case it's the assonance that glues this piece.
I felt a momentum building as I read.
I suspect you felt it as you wrote.
A brave piece, my friend.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 30-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks again, Lee.
I haven't had any very strong reaction to the ideas in the poem - perhaps it is ambiguous enough to leave people guessing. Anyway, I'm too old to worry about upsetting people with my beliefs. It's a style I've tried a couple of times now, perhaps most successfully with this one - kind of fun to write, letting the sound of words lead the thought on occasion..
Anyway, the committee seem to have been impressed, so that's the main thing..
Steve
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I'm surprised you haven't been tarred and feathered by the rollers. And I'm pleasantly surprised by the Committee. L
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I suspect the rollers can interpret just about anything to justify their own beliefs. I didn't actually say 'Faith is a load of bunkum!' now, did I?
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Uh, I may be dense, but I know 'bunkum' when I read it--even when it's wrapped in clover. More power to you. Steve 1, Rollers, zip.
Lee
Comment from Louise Michelle
Faith can be a precarious thing, which is what I think you have captured in this poem. Actually, I don't think you're making a statement for or against it - just observing. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Faith can be a precarious thing, which is what I think you have captured in this poem. Actually, I don't think you're making a statement for or against it - just observing. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 29-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Lou.
I envy those who have strong faith - it must make life so much simpler.
Steve
Comment from ravenblack
Wow! From beginning to end, this is one of the best of yours that I have read. I particularly like your rhythm and rhyme choices- I can't pin it down and I am probably shooting myself in the foot by saying it, but it reminds me of Seuss. Crazy, but I even imagined the voice of Karloff from The Grinch cartoon. You stick with "wraith language" throughout- thistledown promises, pillowing billows. Each stanza is haunted with craft, whole poem following the logic of faith as a wraith. I would go on and on, but I just woke up and the dog is scratching at the bathroom door. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Wow! From beginning to end, this is one of the best of yours that I have read. I particularly like your rhythm and rhyme choices- I can't pin it down and I am probably shooting myself in the foot by saying it, but it reminds me of Seuss. Crazy, but I even imagined the voice of Karloff from The Grinch cartoon. You stick with "wraith language" throughout- thistledown promises, pillowing billows. Each stanza is haunted with craft, whole poem following the logic of faith as a wraith. I would go on and on, but I just woke up and the dog is scratching at the bathroom door. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks so much for the great review and the six stars.
yes, the repeat rhyming is a bit Cat in the Hat, for sure. It's a style I am still experimenting with and because the language is leading the way, it sometimes veers off in unexpected directions.
Committ must have liked it too - yay!
Steve
Comment from Just2Write
I liked this very different look at faith, Steve. Lots of questions, and few answers - much like the way faith is sometimes. With faith, we seek, and yet very few find the path to understanding. Even fewer find bliss.
Exceptional use of assonance, alliteration, and internal rhyming to give this poetic power and impact. It's sort of like a Rap Tune, with rapid-fire rhyme.
A great entry into this contest, m'dear.
Rose.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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I liked this very different look at faith, Steve. Lots of questions, and few answers - much like the way faith is sometimes. With faith, we seek, and yet very few find the path to understanding. Even fewer find bliss.
Exceptional use of assonance, alliteration, and internal rhyming to give this poetic power and impact. It's sort of like a Rap Tune, with rapid-fire rhyme.
A great entry into this contest, m'dear.
Rose.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Rose.
Much to my surprise, the committee like this too!
Steve
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So they did - and rightly so. Congratulations, to you! R.
Comment from I am Cat
Hello Steve,
Well, there are a hundred reasons why this should win... or at least place in this contest...
You have deftly touched on the one thing that I think many of us grapple with when thinking of 'faith'... to fall blindly and just trust, isn't an easy thing, especially for those who have had great trust issues or who have screamed into the universe and never heard a word come back of comfort...
Faith is a wraith... a wisp, a ghostlike apparition... do we grasp onto it... or will it just go through our grasp...? yeah, some of us just gave up a long time ago.
Faith is a wraith
just a wisp in the mist
or a fine shroud of cloud
sinuous, tenuous
spires and spirals
drifting and shifting
a bauble of bubbles
that float 'cause they tote
no substance or weight
just the words of the wraith
(I love these streams of consciousness... I've written many of them, and this gives me hope for writing more... because yours are very well received... I like that.. .a lot)
yes, faith is a wraith
take a chance, join his dance
though your friends look askance
they whistle and wither
with lips all aquiver
to thistledown promises
whispered so wistfully
woe-begone mystery
of palace and mansion
don't mention dimension
no malice or tension
just unending bliss
says the will o' the wisp
I love your words choices and your willingness to let it go when you can't grasp it and also the willingness to keep stretching for the hope to perhaps give it a chance...
this next part is my favorite part:
Oh, faith is a wraith
so faceless and nameless
so fearless and shameless
does he come bearing gifts
or to fill in a rift?
to softly insist
do his words say, 'you must'
in those murmurs of trust?
'it is gold, it won't rust'
with a kiss (or a hiss?)
he will claim you and tame you
and bathe you and swathe you
in pillowing billows
that twist as they drift
you'll be safe with the wraith
(beautifully written and gives hope)
have you lost him, your faith?
after all, he's a wraith
in a merciless chase
with his net of old lace
to ensnare you and bear you
to visions of grace
and scare you and tear you
with shadows that flicker
like thought, only quicker
just an end-of-week tryst
in some dull monolith
for historical myth
or statistical grist
yes, you're there on the list
(well... yes, I've lost him. in fact, I've stopped looking for him)
is he comfort, your faith?
is he there just in case
insurance at least
for that troublesome priest
who must threaten the beast
or a grim shibboleth
at the edge of the cliff
where brimstone, a whiff
carries memories which
can give you the stitch
does it chafe that the wraith's
lying dead in a ditch?
(well, there is always the threat of hellfire and brimstone, eh? lol)
a wonderful mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly... along with hope, eternal NOPE, and eternal HOPE as well.
I loved this. A virtual Six stars... and I truly wish you all kinds of luck in this contest!
Cat
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Hello Steve,
Well, there are a hundred reasons why this should win... or at least place in this contest...
You have deftly touched on the one thing that I think many of us grapple with when thinking of 'faith'... to fall blindly and just trust, isn't an easy thing, especially for those who have had great trust issues or who have screamed into the universe and never heard a word come back of comfort...
Faith is a wraith... a wisp, a ghostlike apparition... do we grasp onto it... or will it just go through our grasp...? yeah, some of us just gave up a long time ago.
Faith is a wraith
just a wisp in the mist
or a fine shroud of cloud
sinuous, tenuous
spires and spirals
drifting and shifting
a bauble of bubbles
that float 'cause they tote
no substance or weight
just the words of the wraith
(I love these streams of consciousness... I've written many of them, and this gives me hope for writing more... because yours are very well received... I like that.. .a lot)
yes, faith is a wraith
take a chance, join his dance
though your friends look askance
they whistle and wither
with lips all aquiver
to thistledown promises
whispered so wistfully
woe-begone mystery
of palace and mansion
don't mention dimension
no malice or tension
just unending bliss
says the will o' the wisp
I love your words choices and your willingness to let it go when you can't grasp it and also the willingness to keep stretching for the hope to perhaps give it a chance...
this next part is my favorite part:
Oh, faith is a wraith
so faceless and nameless
so fearless and shameless
does he come bearing gifts
or to fill in a rift?
to softly insist
do his words say, 'you must'
in those murmurs of trust?
'it is gold, it won't rust'
with a kiss (or a hiss?)
he will claim you and tame you
and bathe you and swathe you
in pillowing billows
that twist as they drift
you'll be safe with the wraith
(beautifully written and gives hope)
have you lost him, your faith?
after all, he's a wraith
in a merciless chase
with his net of old lace
to ensnare you and bear you
to visions of grace
and scare you and tear you
with shadows that flicker
like thought, only quicker
just an end-of-week tryst
in some dull monolith
for historical myth
or statistical grist
yes, you're there on the list
(well... yes, I've lost him. in fact, I've stopped looking for him)
is he comfort, your faith?
is he there just in case
insurance at least
for that troublesome priest
who must threaten the beast
or a grim shibboleth
at the edge of the cliff
where brimstone, a whiff
carries memories which
can give you the stitch
does it chafe that the wraith's
lying dead in a ditch?
(well, there is always the threat of hellfire and brimstone, eh? lol)
a wonderful mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly... along with hope, eternal NOPE, and eternal HOPE as well.
I loved this. A virtual Six stars... and I truly wish you all kinds of luck in this contest!
Cat
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Cat, thanks for the great review. As you know, this has been successful with the committee, somewhat to my surprise. I really thought the message might affect how they viewed it, so credit to them for being accepting of divergent views.
Not as 'personal' as some of your free verse efforts, but an interesting style, all the same - I am still experimenting with it. basically I just play around with words that sound good together and let them lead me on a journey towards some kind of meaning - sometimes I have to give them a smack and get them back in line before they make me say something totally ridiculous!
Steve
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I was really very pleased that you won Steve, for several reasons. I think it was important to this particular contest, the content you used, AND the form! It's time... It's really time. This is the 21st century... Words are amazing and they are our art. You proved that it's so... On so many levels... I, for one, applaud you... And I know there are others who do as well! Congrats and thank you!
Oh, listen to a song by Blue October called "X Amount of Words"
To this day, Justin Furstinfeld says he has no idea why people love or understand it... He wrote it in the midst of mania... I understand it perfectly.
I think you will also
Comment from w.j.debi
Incredible imagery. Free verse is at its best when it uses multiple poetic devices, and you obviously know to wield them and weave them together for a marvelous outcome. I especially like the first stanza.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Incredible imagery. Free verse is at its best when it uses multiple poetic devices, and you obviously know to wield them and weave them together for a marvelous outcome. I especially like the first stanza.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks for the kind words. This was successful with the committee so I am very happy with it!
Steve
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Yes, I see you won the contest. Congratulations. It is well deserved.
