The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Piper, part 4"Young Adult Fantasy
18 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Sorry for getting back to your story in fits and starts. Life gets crazy sometimes! Another fine chapter, with just one little edit I could see:
(In line one)
"Tell me again," Rupert begged as he and PIper made their way through the booths of market square." (Piper)
Rupert is an excellent foil for the much more cautious Rupert, and that Fae! Who knew he could be mingling about in the marketplace seemingly "normal" looking?
I'm intrigued. What does he have to impart to Piper!?
Karenina
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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Sorry for getting back to your story in fits and starts. Life gets crazy sometimes! Another fine chapter, with just one little edit I could see:
(In line one)
"Tell me again," Rupert begged as he and PIper made their way through the booths of market square." (Piper)
Rupert is an excellent foil for the much more cautious Rupert, and that Fae! Who knew he could be mingling about in the marketplace seemingly "normal" looking?
I'm intrigued. What does he have to impart to Piper!?
Karenina
Comment Written 19-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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Hi Karenina,
Thank you for going back to read this chapter and for the feedback. I will check it out.
Debi
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Having fun romping in your fantasy world!
Comment from May 1
I really like the new character you introduced. He sounds fun so far. It sounds like Rupert and Piper have a great relationship. Wow, that Fae sure wants to meet up with Piper. Haha, I love the fact that he overheard the boys' conversation. I love how you give us bits and pieces of information throughout the story which make it even more interesting. I think the advice to follow his heart is a piece of very good advice.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2020
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I really like the new character you introduced. He sounds fun so far. It sounds like Rupert and Piper have a great relationship. Wow, that Fae sure wants to meet up with Piper. Haha, I love the fact that he overheard the boys' conversation. I love how you give us bits and pieces of information throughout the story which make it even more interesting. I think the advice to follow his heart is a piece of very good advice.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2020
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Hi May 1,
Wow, what a nice surprise. I have been away for a couple days so opening this review and seeing your wonderful remarks and the six star rating for this chapter was delightful. Thank you so much.
Debi
Comment from jpduck
You have a wonderful sense of place -- you create a vivid picture of the market and its people.
'I told you it was no big deal' (I feel 'big deal' clashes with the tone and setting of the story).
' "If you're sure?" Rupert was already stepping in the direction of the food booths' (Why did Rupert need Piper's permission to buy food?)
Adrian
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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You have a wonderful sense of place -- you create a vivid picture of the market and its people.
'I told you it was no big deal' (I feel 'big deal' clashes with the tone and setting of the story).
' "If you're sure?" Rupert was already stepping in the direction of the food booths' (Why did Rupert need Piper's permission to buy food?)
Adrian
Comment Written 02-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Hi Adrian,
Thank you for the encouraging comments about the "sense of place". I agree with you about the "no big deal" comment. It feels too modern for Piper's time. I will be changing it. I'll take another look at the other statement too. Thank you for your help.
Debi
Comment from ericawrites
This is a very interesting chapter,
holds the reader's attention from
start to finish. Good character
portrayal, interesting story,
good dialogue. Well done,
thank you for sharing.This is a very interesting chapter,
holds the reader's attention from
start to finish. Good character
portrayal, interesting story,
good dialogue. Well done,
thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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This is a very interesting chapter,
holds the reader's attention from
start to finish. Good character
portrayal, interesting story,
good dialogue. Well done,
thank you for sharing.This is a very interesting chapter,
holds the reader's attention from
start to finish. Good character
portrayal, interesting story,
good dialogue. Well done,
thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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Thank you for taking time to rad and review. I appreciate you kind comments.
Comment from kittykatnoel
A wonderful story. Engaging throughout, fascinating story line, and it leaves me wanting to know what happens next. I would love for my own children to read it as well.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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A wonderful story. Engaging throughout, fascinating story line, and it leaves me wanting to know what happens next. I would love for my own children to read it as well.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Wow! This is the sort of review writers hope for--you want more and you want to share it. Thank you so much for the encouragement. Your review means a lot to me.
I apologize for the late response. I was called away unexpectedly and did not have access to FS. Thank you again for taking the time to read and comment on my work.
Comment from F. Wehr3
This is the second piece if have read with Piper and Fae. I think the plot is moving in the right direction. There are not any real errors that I found, only one small sentence I didn't like. Please, I don't mean to sound petty. The sentence is 'People hurried by.' In the span of a story it makes no difference and most people will ignore it and move on. I don't like it because it reflects nothing, shows nothing. I would incorporate it into the previous sentence or revise it to show visual imagery.
I read over what I wrote and it does sound like petty nit-picking. Sorry, lol.
I like the direction your going and look forward to reading more of your work. Thanks.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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This is the second piece if have read with Piper and Fae. I think the plot is moving in the right direction. There are not any real errors that I found, only one small sentence I didn't like. Please, I don't mean to sound petty. The sentence is 'People hurried by.' In the span of a story it makes no difference and most people will ignore it and move on. I don't like it because it reflects nothing, shows nothing. I would incorporate it into the previous sentence or revise it to show visual imagery.
I read over what I wrote and it does sound like petty nit-picking. Sorry, lol.
I like the direction your going and look forward to reading more of your work. Thanks.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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I agree with you. That sentence doesn't "show" anything. I will be changing it. Thank you for taking the time to provide the feedback. Thank you also for the encouraging comments about the story. I apologize for the late response. I was called away for the week. I appreciate you following the story. Thank you.
Comment from Writingfundimension
This is extremely well-written, Debi. You, once again, have engaged all the senses. I felt myself transported to the marketplace with ease. I love slightly-goofy Rupert. He makes a good foil for serious Piper. Especially deft was your inclusion of backstory in the top half of the chapter. You wove it into the story, while using it to further the plot. Hats off, my friend. This post totally rocks!
:) Bev
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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This is extremely well-written, Debi. You, once again, have engaged all the senses. I felt myself transported to the marketplace with ease. I love slightly-goofy Rupert. He makes a good foil for serious Piper. Especially deft was your inclusion of backstory in the top half of the chapter. You wove it into the story, while using it to further the plot. Hats off, my friend. This post totally rocks!
:) Bev
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Hi Bev,
Thank you for continuing to follow the story. I am sorry for the late response. I was called away for the week and did not have access to check on FS. I appreciate your detailed comments about the writing. Thank you so much for six stars! I appreciate your encouragement so much.
Debi
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No problem, Debi.
You're very welcome. This was a great chapter.
:) Bev
Comment from Lesley Collier
A magical and alluring part of a story where a young man who had previously escaped the the walls of the city to visit his grandfather's grave and rescued by the guard from a dangerous creature called a Fae encounters the creature a second time while perusing the market place for a satchel and as the Fae appears innocent in daylight and offers him words of his late grandfather for his fifteenth birthday if he will met with the Fae a second time he has to seriously consider his decision as to whether or not he should trust this strange creature for his grandfather's sake. Well written with mystery and suspense!
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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A magical and alluring part of a story where a young man who had previously escaped the the walls of the city to visit his grandfather's grave and rescued by the guard from a dangerous creature called a Fae encounters the creature a second time while perusing the market place for a satchel and as the Fae appears innocent in daylight and offers him words of his late grandfather for his fifteenth birthday if he will met with the Fae a second time he has to seriously consider his decision as to whether or not he should trust this strange creature for his grandfather's sake. Well written with mystery and suspense!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thank you for you thoughtful review. I am pleased that you enjoyed the story and appreciate the encouragement.
Comment from Zue65
this is quite exciting the Fae showing up to Piper in broad daylight in human form. It seems the Fae knew the family of Piper and quite familiar with the members of his family like his grandfather. There is hint of mystery because of the things that should be given to Piper at age 15. Hmmm, i have to wait till next chapter to find out.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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this is quite exciting the Fae showing up to Piper in broad daylight in human form. It seems the Fae knew the family of Piper and quite familiar with the members of his family like his grandfather. There is hint of mystery because of the things that should be given to Piper at age 15. Hmmm, i have to wait till next chapter to find out.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thank you for the lovely review. I apologize for the delayed response. I was called away for the week. I want you to know I appreciate you taking the time to read and review. I am pleased that you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you.
Comment from Spitfire
You're very good at this. As I say, it's not my usual fare, but I'm lured by the purpose of the Fae who also seems to be a change facer. A little humor with Fae listening to his description and quoting it to Piper.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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You're very good at this. As I say, it's not my usual fare, but I'm lured by the purpose of the Fae who also seems to be a change facer. A little humor with Fae listening to his description and quoting it to Piper.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Shari. I take this is high praise since I enjoy your writing so much. Your articles on writing and your own work serve as good examples for me.
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What a nice thing to say. It's making my stomach ache go away. Seriously.
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Oh, good. I am happy it makes you feel better. Sorry to hear about your stomach ache.
