A Door To The Past
Beware of strange doors29 total reviews
Comment from sibhus
A well written piece that makes an excellent addition to the contest. Even though the idea has been done before, your story has just the right amount of description and sentiment to make it appealing. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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A well written piece that makes an excellent addition to the contest. Even though the idea has been done before, your story has just the right amount of description and sentiment to make it appealing. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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Thanks. Glad you enjoyed the story.
Comment from Reedblitzerman
Pretty cool. I didn't expect the ending. To see himself there. Some more detail about why he liked old farmhouses might give it more depth. When you say imagining the past, are you talking about how they talked and dressed. Maybe life was slower before television and internet. Without the distractions maybe life was more intense, more immediate. I like old houses too. It feels good to see something built by human hands, almost like it's art.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2015
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Pretty cool. I didn't expect the ending. To see himself there. Some more detail about why he liked old farmhouses might give it more depth. When you say imagining the past, are you talking about how they talked and dressed. Maybe life was slower before television and internet. Without the distractions maybe life was more intense, more immediate. I like old houses too. It feels good to see something built by human hands, almost like it's art.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2015
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Thanks. I will consider your suggestions. I appreciate any help I can get.
Comment from F. Wehr3
A really good story. I thought the writing was spot on. Two things to consider, I'm no expert in grammar, but shouldn't quotation marks come at the end of sentences? (if it is an acceptable form let me know)
Secondly, build suspense. Even one more descriptive paragraph before he learns the identity of the child would go along away. Or when the main character talks about having moments of Deja-vu, elongate the scene to include a specific memory. For example, when you talk about the wood stove and his mother, you could include a memory of breakfast. The smell of bacon, her words telling him to come eat before it gets cold or something of the sort. Anyway, really enjoyed it. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2015
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A really good story. I thought the writing was spot on. Two things to consider, I'm no expert in grammar, but shouldn't quotation marks come at the end of sentences? (if it is an acceptable form let me know)
Secondly, build suspense. Even one more descriptive paragraph before he learns the identity of the child would go along away. Or when the main character talks about having moments of Deja-vu, elongate the scene to include a specific memory. For example, when you talk about the wood stove and his mother, you could include a memory of breakfast. The smell of bacon, her words telling him to come eat before it gets cold or something of the sort. Anyway, really enjoyed it. Best of luck.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2015
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Thanks. I will consider your tips> I always appreciate help.
Comment from MLEaton
An intriguing story, well written. The movement from severe grief to joy is very moving. I'm wondering if single quotation marks for the man's thoughts would differentiate them from his words later in the story? And you have no need for the ones between the two following sentences: "I will return to visit you again". "Know that I loved you then and I will never forget you".
It should do really well in the contest. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2015
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An intriguing story, well written. The movement from severe grief to joy is very moving. I'm wondering if single quotation marks for the man's thoughts would differentiate them from his words later in the story? And you have no need for the ones between the two following sentences: "I will return to visit you again". "Know that I loved you then and I will never forget you".
It should do really well in the contest. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2015
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Thanks and thanks for the tips.I will edit and follow your suggestions.
Comment from janalma
A story with an upbeat ending. I liked the way the story flowed forward to the point of revelation for the reader as well as the protagonist. Character delineation is well done for such a short story and descriptions also.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2015
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A story with an upbeat ending. I liked the way the story flowed forward to the point of revelation for the reader as well as the protagonist. Character delineation is well done for such a short story and descriptions also.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2015
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Thank you for your great review.
Comment from Zue65
well this is a story built around the theme of reincarnation. The author was effective in exploring the theme without really sounding like the story is giving a lecture to the readers. The author was quite creative to just allow the characters to speak and be the mouthpiece. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2015
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well this is a story built around the theme of reincarnation. The author was effective in exploring the theme without really sounding like the story is giving a lecture to the readers. The author was quite creative to just allow the characters to speak and be the mouthpiece. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2015
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Thank you. This was a fun story to write. Hope you enjoyed it.
Comment from LIJ Red
My coworker was reading in the shop. "It says here we come back after we die and live again, always reincarnated as a lower form of life. I think you are on your last go-round." A fine story, right to the prompt.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2015
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My coworker was reading in the shop. "It says here we come back after we die and live again, always reincarnated as a lower form of life. I think you are on your last go-round." A fine story, right to the prompt.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2015
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Thanks for the great review. I don't know if we have prior lives or not but it made an interesting story. Don't you think?
Comment from jpduck
I thought this was a great idea, but I don't feel you made the most of it. By the final paragraph it felt as if you'd had enough of it, and finished it off with a couple of sentences.
In paragraph 3 there appears to be a contradiction. You write, 'Something about this particular old house kept calling him back.' Then two sentences further on: 'It almost seemed as if he had been here before and, as far as he could remember, he never had seen this place in his life.'
Please remember that all reviews, even those of professional critics (which I'm certainly not), are nothing more nor less than personal opinion.
Adrian
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2015
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I thought this was a great idea, but I don't feel you made the most of it. By the final paragraph it felt as if you'd had enough of it, and finished it off with a couple of sentences.
In paragraph 3 there appears to be a contradiction. You write, 'Something about this particular old house kept calling him back.' Then two sentences further on: 'It almost seemed as if he had been here before and, as far as he could remember, he never had seen this place in his life.'
Please remember that all reviews, even those of professional critics (which I'm certainly not), are nothing more nor less than personal opinion.
Adrian
Comment Written 19-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2015
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Thanks. I was in a hurry when I wrote this story. I know I cut it a little short. You're right about the contradiction. I will see what I can do about it. I appreciate good honest reviews. I would rather have an honest review than simply a good job. Most reviewers don't want to hurt the writer's feelings and just hit excellent and go on.
Comment from Eric1
Hi Mystery Author, this is a really god entry for this particular competition, a truly haunting and very emotional well told story, that ending was inspirational! I wish you the very best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2015
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Hi Mystery Author, this is a really god entry for this particular competition, a truly haunting and very emotional well told story, that ending was inspirational! I wish you the very best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2015
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Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
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You are welcome my friend.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I got a little confused in the first couple of paragraphs with talk of deja vu and having been there before. Perhaps a little edit to establish a more rigid timeline would be advantageous.
The premise of the piece is good but I felt it was underdeveloped given that there was no word limit on this particular competition.
GMG
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2015
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Hi there,
I got a little confused in the first couple of paragraphs with talk of deja vu and having been there before. Perhaps a little edit to establish a more rigid timeline would be advantageous.
The premise of the piece is good but I felt it was underdeveloped given that there was no word limit on this particular competition.
GMG
Comment Written 19-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2015
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Thank you. I was kind of in a hurry when I wrote this. I will go back and see what I can do with it. I appreciate your good honest comments.
