The Solitude of Success
Short Story-Part 119 total reviews
Comment from Tessa Kay
I don't know anything about American Football, except what you see in some movies, but I enjoyed this story.
People put a lot of effort into things that leave them empty in the end. The story mentioned little about his wife and daughters. Did they leave? Are they still with him but estranged? Two years later, he'd also have the competition of younger ones who came up after him.
What would I like to see happen? Maybe a realization of what the real values in life are. Maybe he wins once more, but doesn't get out of it what he had hoped. Maybe, two years older, he sees the greed in all the hype around him, and maybe he's left without a win, without fickle friends, having to reevaluate his life.
In a movie, he would win the next game. In real life it may not be that easy.
Maybe he loses and then coaches one of the younger ones and wins through them.
So many possibilities.
And maybe this is the last we'll hear from him. But I enjoyed reading this. :)
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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I don't know anything about American Football, except what you see in some movies, but I enjoyed this story.
People put a lot of effort into things that leave them empty in the end. The story mentioned little about his wife and daughters. Did they leave? Are they still with him but estranged? Two years later, he'd also have the competition of younger ones who came up after him.
What would I like to see happen? Maybe a realization of what the real values in life are. Maybe he wins once more, but doesn't get out of it what he had hoped. Maybe, two years older, he sees the greed in all the hype around him, and maybe he's left without a win, without fickle friends, having to reevaluate his life.
In a movie, he would win the next game. In real life it may not be that easy.
Maybe he loses and then coaches one of the younger ones and wins through them.
So many possibilities.
And maybe this is the last we'll hear from him. But I enjoyed reading this. :)
Comment Written 12-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much. That is exactly the kind of feedback I was hoping for. Those are some of the issues I'd like to explore. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue with this, but you have me intrigued now. Great ideas!! Much appreciated. mikey
Comment from Sankey
Good read mate not sure about this one...re(-)acquaint felt like we were all there. Amazing how crowds take over like the players are gods or something and to hell with anyone injured.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Good read mate not sure about this one...re(-)acquaint felt like we were all there. Amazing how crowds take over like the players are gods or something and to hell with anyone injured.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Hi my friend. Great to hear from you. I miss hanging around with my friends here. I'm just kind of lurking in the background. Yep, they lose their minds sometimes over sports. Soccer crowds are the worst. Gee whiz, it's just a game. :))
Looking forward to some more edits on your book. mikey
Comment from l.raven
HI Michael, I loved this story...and yes I am a Bears fan...so stop laughing...we have to stand by our men...LOL...I think Michael these men know what could happen when they go out there...the only thing I do not like...is it is not a game out football anymore...it is who can hurt who the most to win...has taken a lot of the love that I had for football away...love your story told...and very well written...Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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HI Michael, I loved this story...and yes I am a Bears fan...so stop laughing...we have to stand by our men...LOL...I think Michael these men know what could happen when they go out there...the only thing I do not like...is it is not a game out football anymore...it is who can hurt who the most to win...has taken a lot of the love that I had for football away...love your story told...and very well written...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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I know better to laugh considering the state of my beloved Lakers at the moment. :))
Besides, I don't even HAVE a team here in L.A., they left!!!
You're right about the current brand of football. I think I have an old school picture in my mind when I'm writing this. Glad you liked it. Thank you kindly, mikey
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your always so welcome...xxoo Linda
Comment from nordicgirl
I have to keep checking toake sure this is you.
I wnjoyed th his story beginning quite a bit. A very straight forward but effective write. I am surprised you were able to supress your humor here. Wise. This has great potential moving forward as you have lsft it wide open. I think a man whose skills came so easy that flaws did not matter. Now the flaws have to be overcome to succeed. Yeah ... I like it!!
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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I have to keep checking toake sure this is you.
I wnjoyed th his story beginning quite a bit. A very straight forward but effective write. I am surprised you were able to supress your humor here. Wise. This has great potential moving forward as you have lsft it wide open. I think a man whose skills came so easy that flaws did not matter. Now the flaws have to be overcome to succeed. Yeah ... I like it!!
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Damn. That's a great little piece of insight. I love that as a theme. You should have charged me for it. :))
Thanks for the encouragement and stars. I'm loving all of it. mikey
Comment from Linda Engel
I remember Fran Tarenton and Terry Bradshaw. Back when football was a Sunday morning two hour highlight treat.
This was packed with play by play action, the twist of fate and the determination to overcome.
You can continue this and he has one more good season and quits and goes on to be something greater.
Good luck in the contest.
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I remember Fran Tarenton and Terry Bradshaw. Back when football was a Sunday morning two hour highlight treat.
This was packed with play by play action, the twist of fate and the determination to overcome.
You can continue this and he has one more good season and quits and goes on to be something greater.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
Comment from frogbook
really well written-you have done it again. A compelling story that holds the interest and makes it easy to read. Of course you will have an excellent chance in the contest.
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really well written-you have done it again. A compelling story that holds the interest and makes it easy to read. Of course you will have an excellent chance in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I like it, and the fact that the Super Bowl was in Dallas, hey, just added icing on the literary cupcake. Didn't know that about Fran, though. I'm sure my father did, he knew all that kind of stuff. In fact he was an old "Juice" fan until, well, he murdered his wife (the Juice, not my father). Anyway, nice job and good luck in the contest!
Rhonda
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I like it, and the fact that the Super Bowl was in Dallas, hey, just added icing on the literary cupcake. Didn't know that about Fran, though. I'm sure my father did, he knew all that kind of stuff. In fact he was an old "Juice" fan until, well, he murdered his wife (the Juice, not my father). Anyway, nice job and good luck in the contest!
Rhonda
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
Comment from Curly Girly
This is an action packed story. Serious injuries happen easily. True to life scenario.
Suggestion (to be less wordy)
The medics finally did reach Corey "The Jet" London on the field.
The medics finally reached Corey "The Jet" London on the field.
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This is an action packed story. Serious injuries happen easily. True to life scenario.
Suggestion (to be less wordy)
The medics finally did reach Corey "The Jet" London on the field.
The medics finally reached Corey "The Jet" London on the field.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
Comment from I am Cat
Well, not sure if I kept reading because of the author or not, but I believe I kept reading because it's well written. I'm not a football fan any longer, though I used to be back in the 70's (Go Steelers!) and back in high school when I was a cheerleader (yeah, I know, don't say it) ;)
But I enjoyed the story... The dialogue was different, as there were a lot of contractions, but I'm sure that's actually how some football players speak, unfortunately. lol
I found a couple of things that had a few spag moments, but nothing huge... I wouldn't mind reading more, I suppose you could go for a 'career-changing' play and hurt him again before a game, maybe move him to a hard decision of whether to chance his life/health, or take a great job as a coach. Give him a chance to make a smart move, or go for the fame. ;)
That sort of thing.... Just a suggestion.
All in all, I enjoyed the ride... ;)
The suggestions are below, made of course, with all due respect. ;)
No one else did, he gave no one reason to[o.]
(or 'to' ?)
"What about "The Jet", Boss? Re-habbin' two years. He's ready".
(strongly suggest you put The Jet in italics, and put the comma up close behind Jet,)
Yep, Playin' the Bears in a 14-degree blizzard sounded pretty good to him after a two-year layoff.
(suggest spelling out the number fourteen)
That's it.
Well done and good luck in the contest
Cat
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015
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Well, not sure if I kept reading because of the author or not, but I believe I kept reading because it's well written. I'm not a football fan any longer, though I used to be back in the 70's (Go Steelers!) and back in high school when I was a cheerleader (yeah, I know, don't say it) ;)
But I enjoyed the story... The dialogue was different, as there were a lot of contractions, but I'm sure that's actually how some football players speak, unfortunately. lol
I found a couple of things that had a few spag moments, but nothing huge... I wouldn't mind reading more, I suppose you could go for a 'career-changing' play and hurt him again before a game, maybe move him to a hard decision of whether to chance his life/health, or take a great job as a coach. Give him a chance to make a smart move, or go for the fame. ;)
That sort of thing.... Just a suggestion.
All in all, I enjoyed the ride... ;)
The suggestions are below, made of course, with all due respect. ;)
No one else did, he gave no one reason to[o.]
(or 'to' ?)
"What about "The Jet", Boss? Re-habbin' two years. He's ready".
(strongly suggest you put The Jet in italics, and put the comma up close behind Jet,)
Yep, Playin' the Bears in a 14-degree blizzard sounded pretty good to him after a two-year layoff.
(suggest spelling out the number fourteen)
That's it.
Well done and good luck in the contest
Cat
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015
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Jeez, I really am the worst when it comes to replying. I made all of the changes, so thank you. I really do read and appreciate all my reviews, especially helpful ones like this. I was just reading the reviews on this deciding whether to continue it and noticed what a tool I am for not answering. :))
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((((((it's ok, I'm still a fan of yours))))) ;)
