The Olive Branch
Boy learns a new word: hearse.51 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
At the beginning of the story, I was puzzled by Dave's lack of a reaction to his uncle's death. But as I read on, I realized that with gun deaths every day, he must - just to cope- be desensitized to death. Horrible that kids have to live that way. And kudos for you for trying to give Dave a foundation from which to draw water, to keep the branches alive- the branches of peace. Excellent story.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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At the beginning of the story, I was puzzled by Dave's lack of a reaction to his uncle's death. But as I read on, I realized that with gun deaths every day, he must - just to cope- be desensitized to death. Horrible that kids have to live that way. And kudos for you for trying to give Dave a foundation from which to draw water, to keep the branches alive- the branches of peace. Excellent story.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Thank you, ravenblack, for your review. Yes, like you, I was taken aback by the boy's initial reaction to his uncle's death. It is only later that the finality of it sink in and Dave started asking me questions. I did the best I could to give him a foundation. Thanks again for your review.
Comment from alvina224224
What an excellent piece, Sis Cat. Your writing is economic (and publishers like that), paints vivid images, and makes the reader feel that he/she is sitting on your shoulder watching and listening, not imagining. But Dave is a young boy I would not like to meet - I just wouldn't know what to say to him. Youngsters are so 'wordly' these days - they never cease to amaze me. My niece was driving her son to school, and they picked up his classmate, as usual. "Guess what?" the guest said. "My Dad went to Afghanistan this morning. Would you like to come to his funeral if he's killed?" My niece nearly drove off the road! I'm glad you found this story again, as it is too good to stay hidden in a manila envelope. Thanks for letting us read it.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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What an excellent piece, Sis Cat. Your writing is economic (and publishers like that), paints vivid images, and makes the reader feel that he/she is sitting on your shoulder watching and listening, not imagining. But Dave is a young boy I would not like to meet - I just wouldn't know what to say to him. Youngsters are so 'wordly' these days - they never cease to amaze me. My niece was driving her son to school, and they picked up his classmate, as usual. "Guess what?" the guest said. "My Dad went to Afghanistan this morning. Would you like to come to his funeral if he's killed?" My niece nearly drove off the road! I'm glad you found this story again, as it is too good to stay hidden in a manila envelope. Thanks for letting us read it.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Alvina224224, I am so glad I rediscovered this story. I had not read it in twenty-three years until I poste it on FanStory this morning. I am shocked the boy was excited about his uncle being shot. Only later did Dave ask me questions about death and I answered truthfully to the best of my ability. Dave was a sweet kid then, but remember he shot me in the face with a cap gun when I opened the door one day. What if it was a real gun someday? I am glad we both left the apartments.
What other stories do I have hidden in manila envelops? I am going to do everything I can to get my stories, new and old, in print. Thank you for your generous, six star review and praise for my economical writing.
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My pleasure, Sis Cat Yes...put them all in envelopes - but send them out, again and again. A well-known Australian author told me that!
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Yes, keep sending them out again and again.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
What an awful way to live. I can't imagine being afraid all night and sleeping on the floor. I don't understand bullies let alone gangs, but I suppose if that is what you grow up with, it would seem natural. The olive branch is great metaphorical symbol throughout this. A member of my sons hockey team was shot and killed when he pointed a toy gun at the police in a dark alley behind a bar. He was in his mid twenties. Gun violence is so senseless. You did handle this topic well, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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What an awful way to live. I can't imagine being afraid all night and sleeping on the floor. I don't understand bullies let alone gangs, but I suppose if that is what you grow up with, it would seem natural. The olive branch is great metaphorical symbol throughout this. A member of my sons hockey team was shot and killed when he pointed a toy gun at the police in a dark alley behind a bar. He was in his mid twenties. Gun violence is so senseless. You did handle this topic well, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Debbie, I had not read this story in twenty-three years until I revised and posted it to FanStory this morning. I was shocked at the way we lived then: sleeping on floors, Dave shooting me in the face with a cap gun, and a gangster shooting his uncle in the eye. The sad thing is that people still live this way today. Not only is the olive branch a timeless symbol, but also violence. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, sis cat, I normally don't give out sixes for the first day of the week but I was so impressed by it. I enjoyed reading this one. I pray he took your lesson to heart.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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this is an excellent write, sis cat, I normally don't give out sixes for the first day of the week but I was so impressed by it. I enjoyed reading this one. I pray he took your lesson to heart.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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sweetwoodjax, I am so glad I rediscovered this lost story I wrote twenty-three years ago. I had not read it until this morning when I revised and posted it. Its message is as relative today as it was years ago. Thanks for your generous, six star review.
Comment from nomi338
I so hate the whole idea of gang culture. You kill one of ours and we kill one of yours, on and on it goes with ni end in sight. Nothing ever gets solved, nobody ever wins. I believe that is is Satan's desire that as many people as possible shall die from violence upon the earth as he can convince to engage in violent hatred. As long as we do this he wins.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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I so hate the whole idea of gang culture. You kill one of ours and we kill one of yours, on and on it goes with ni end in sight. Nothing ever gets solved, nobody ever wins. I believe that is is Satan's desire that as many people as possible shall die from violence upon the earth as he can convince to engage in violent hatred. As long as we do this he wins.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Thank you, nomi338, for your review and comments. As old as this story is, the subject of gang violence and the senseless killings are timeless. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
I like your story about death. Death is a hard thing to explain to children but you did a good job. The olive plants have been used in verse and prose throughout history and it's use well in your story. Good job!
Gypsy
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Hello :)
I like your story about death. Death is a hard thing to explain to children but you did a good job. The olive plants have been used in verse and prose throughout history and it's use well in your story. Good job!
Gypsy
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Gypsy Blue Rose, I never had a conversation as difficult with a kid as that conversation about death. I am glad you appreciated my use of the olive branch. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Robert Louis Fox
Good hook. Shocking motivation/disaster. Really comes across.
Interesting conflict: ignoring an emotional event. You SHOW it well. The inferences are multifaceted. The denial is palpable. The subtle comparison to the narrator's experience amplifies.
Nice transition and reaction to events.
Even though we feel for the boy coming trying to come to grips with loss and the anxieties caused by loss, the resolution is uplifting. Good writing. This held my interest all the way through. A solid 6.
There might be something in your epilogue, also interesting, you might be able to craft into a longer denouement, perhaps extending the satisfaction in the story itself. The thought comes to me because as I read the epilogue, it felt good to know that about your story too.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Good hook. Shocking motivation/disaster. Really comes across.
Interesting conflict: ignoring an emotional event. You SHOW it well. The inferences are multifaceted. The denial is palpable. The subtle comparison to the narrator's experience amplifies.
Nice transition and reaction to events.
Even though we feel for the boy coming trying to come to grips with loss and the anxieties caused by loss, the resolution is uplifting. Good writing. This held my interest all the way through. A solid 6.
There might be something in your epilogue, also interesting, you might be able to craft into a longer denouement, perhaps extending the satisfaction in the story itself. The thought comes to me because as I read the epilogue, it felt good to know that about your story too.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Robert Louis Fox, for your generous, six star review of a shocking story. I was shocked the boy celebrated his uncle's shooting. It was only later that his uncle's death began to sink in and the boy started asking me questions.
I also like your idea of crafting a longer denouement by telling the readers what happened to the main characters.
Thank you again for your generous review.
Comment from Nosha17
It must be a very dangerous place to live, senseless violence and killings and young people in gangs. I hope your words had some good effect on him. Good dialogue and good lessons to be learned. faye
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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It must be a very dangerous place to live, senseless violence and killings and young people in gangs. I hope your words had some good effect on him. Good dialogue and good lessons to be learned. faye
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Faye, for your review. Yes, I hope my words had some effect on him. I am glad you appreciated my lesson.
Comment from ElegantReaper
A good story. Too many people are killed in acts of gun-related violence every year. The beginning was chillingly disturbing. To think that a child thought it cool that his own relative had been shot. And the saddest thing about it is that there are children out there who actually think this way.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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A good story. Too many people are killed in acts of gun-related violence every year. The beginning was chillingly disturbing. To think that a child thought it cool that his own relative had been shot. And the saddest thing about it is that there are children out there who actually think this way.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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ElegantReaper, I was shocked that the boy thought it was cool that his uncle was shot. Only later did Blaze's death began to sink in and Dave started asking questions about death. This story is tragic all around and children are still living this way today. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
May I congratulate you on your Story of the Month in advance. Twenty-three years ago toy were already a brilliant writer. Now cough up the truth. Did you abandon the craft or did you continue to write for the last two decades.
This is a brilliant story. Seriously, the advice and the story you wrote could have been a parable that came straight out of the Bible.
Great work--then as a mentor--and now as a storyteller.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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May I congratulate you on your Story of the Month in advance. Twenty-three years ago toy were already a brilliant writer. Now cough up the truth. Did you abandon the craft or did you continue to write for the last two decades.
This is a brilliant story. Seriously, the advice and the story you wrote could have been a parable that came straight out of the Bible.
Great work--then as a mentor--and now as a storyteller.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Ingrid, I abandoned my craft for twenty years. Looking back at my early stories, I am impressed at how good a writer I was then. Now, I do not want to waste time regretting over the stories and books I could have written if I had kept at my craft. In the time I have left, I am going to write and publish as much as possible.
Thanks for your review, your six stars, your tip to double the blank lines between paragraphs before posting, and for informing me that I have been nominated for story of the month. I was unaware. Thanks again.
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Well not yet you haven't been nominated, but I predict you will, in my humble, but profoundly accurate opinion. And if not--stop caring.
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Thanks for the prediction. Now let's keep writing.
