Short Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "haiku (ice cripples)"A Collection Of Short Form Poetry
12 total reviews
Comment from nordicgirl
This is a unique take. A very harsh depiction of winter. Then in an almost comical way spring arrives and allis well. This is haiku as it is meant to be. Exceptional.
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This is a unique take. A very harsh depiction of winter. Then in an almost comical way spring arrives and allis well. This is haiku as it is meant to be. Exceptional.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2015
Comment from Bill Schott
This winter haiku, ice cripples, alludes to that tendency of winter to make some aspects of life less tolerable than others......
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This winter haiku, ice cripples, alludes to that tendency of winter to make some aspects of life less tolerable than others......
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
Comment from snooker155
good clever work wsith a real touch of humour and wit in the last line really love this it is a real shame that nearly all haiku have to follow strict rules on syllable length it takes great skill to get it right and you did a great job thank you from snooker155x
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good clever work wsith a real touch of humour and wit in the last line really love this it is a real shame that nearly all haiku have to follow strict rules on syllable length it takes great skill to get it right and you did a great job thank you from snooker155x
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
Comment from I am Cat
Do crocus' have eyelids?
is it actually physically
possible to wink without
eyelids?
enquiring minds need to know.
;)
Look how I did that... I had to
turn my punctuation on its side.
just saying.
that BEING said... (will he win?)
well... is there a celebration?
if there is... i'll go vote. ;)
by the way... i love the cold.
except the part where I walk outside
and my sinuses freeze (well, that's the
the bad part) it's when you walk back
inside... and it melts again.
yeah. that. :(
good luck
meow
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2015
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Do crocus' have eyelids?
is it actually physically
possible to wink without
eyelids?
enquiring minds need to know.
;)
Look how I did that... I had to
turn my punctuation on its side.
just saying.
that BEING said... (will he win?)
well... is there a celebration?
if there is... i'll go vote. ;)
by the way... i love the cold.
except the part where I walk outside
and my sinuses freeze (well, that's the
the bad part) it's when you walk back
inside... and it melts again.
yeah. that. :(
good luck
meow
Comment Written 06-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2015
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Crocus don't have eyelids. But they do wink. There are other thinks that wink without eyelids too. Even eyes can wink without eyelids but it isn't very comely. Yes, there is a celebration and not because you'll vote. Ohhhh, the irony if you don't vote for me. What a damper on the party. "For he's a jolly good LOSER..."
Melting sinuses sounds like a high price to pay for the cold, but the cold is attractive.
Yes, thank you. You're a very nice kitty. :))
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
Fantastic haiku that fulfills the rules of the contest, many rules. Your first two lines connect and the satori is clever. The kigo is winter. Good job with the syllable count. Well done!
Gypsy
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Hello :)
Fantastic haiku that fulfills the rules of the contest, many rules. Your first two lines connect and the satori is clever. The kigo is winter. Good job with the syllable count. Well done!
Gypsy
Comment Written 06-Nov-2015
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, mystery writer, great imagery presented about the first flower of spring that laughs at winter. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
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this is an excellent write, mystery writer, great imagery presented about the first flower of spring that laughs at winter. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2015
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. You caught the essence of the contest. Your poem definitely creates and image in the mind. One we don't need here in Michigan. We have lots of ice around here in winter. Good work
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Excellent. You caught the essence of the contest. Your poem definitely creates and image in the mind. One we don't need here in Michigan. We have lots of ice around here in winter. Good work
Comment Written 06-Nov-2015
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
You meet the contest criteria well. I am not real sure about the first two lines connecting though as the last two words really do not connect for me. I hear 'frost freezes' and 'crocus shrinks' and NO you may not use those .... stretch and grow. I wish you the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2015
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You meet the contest criteria well. I am not real sure about the first two lines connecting though as the last two words really do not connect for me. I hear 'frost freezes' and 'crocus shrinks' and NO you may not use those .... stretch and grow. I wish you the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2015
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Okay ... I'm suitably scared. :)) I won't use them! Good point. Sometimes in getting the words down to the bare minimum the connecting words are cut out to the point where it DOESN'T connect anymore. I'll look at that. Thanks for pointing it out. I might be hearing "and" in my head and expecting others to as well. Thank you kindly. :))
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Soooooooooo stop HEARING as I have come to the conclusion, possibly wrong, that haiku is tactile and feeling more than anything. I wan;t dumping on you just trying to make you strive for better .... Lord knows I get whipped about with these plenty myself too.
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PS Happy to read again if you make changes ... rd does that for me all the time LOL.
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I didn't think you were at all. :))
I agree. I'll keep looking at it. It has room for a word or two. Maybe I'll find it. Thanks again.
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Me too! If I think of something, I'll let you know. Thank you. :)
Comment from alvina224224
Contrary to popular thought, it is not easy to write a good haiku, especially a little one like this. I know I have sat for hours finding just the right word that fits, suits, and cannot be bettered. Good one! Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2015
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Contrary to popular thought, it is not easy to write a good haiku, especially a little one like this. I know I have sat for hours finding just the right word that fits, suits, and cannot be bettered. Good one! Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 06-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2015
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Yes! It can be difficult. Once in a while it just jumps out onto the page. But, yep, you're right, it usually is a puzzle that seems to never get finished. :)) Thanks for the encouraging words. Big smiles!
Comment from Joyce Long
This is a cute haiku poem.
Yes, ice seems to bring an end to life as it spreads out across nature. An ice storm can be very dangerous. It seems to stop everything. I looked up autumn crocus and wondered if they can survive an ice storm with a wink.
This is cute.
You did a nice job.
Joyce 11-6-15
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2015
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This is a cute haiku poem.
Yes, ice seems to bring an end to life as it spreads out across nature. An ice storm can be very dangerous. It seems to stop everything. I looked up autumn crocus and wondered if they can survive an ice storm with a wink.
This is cute.
You did a nice job.
Joyce 11-6-15
Comment Written 06-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2015
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I probably wasn't as clear as I wanted to be. Think Spring crocus poking through the ice heralding the end of winter. Kind of like "we survived all of your ice and snow and here we are!" Glad you enjoyed it anyway. :))
