The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Piper"Young Adult Fantasy
23 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
And, so, my journey begins, Debi. I enjoyed the first chapter of the book. It started with a description of the city.
You see that a very young man, who plays a pipe, has suffered the loss of his grandfather and encounters a concerned guard. Piper isn't sure why the man is being nice to him, but doesn't engage with him about his plans.
Very smooth and well written.
Now on I go!
Hugs,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2023
  |
And, so, my journey begins, Debi. I enjoyed the first chapter of the book. It started with a description of the city.
You see that a very young man, who plays a pipe, has suffered the loss of his grandfather and encounters a concerned guard. Piper isn't sure why the man is being nice to him, but doesn't engage with him about his plans.
Very smooth and well written.
Now on I go!
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment Written 20-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2023
-
Hi Rhonda,
I'm glad you enjoyed this beginning chapter. I appreciate you going so far back in the story. Have a wonderful day.
Debi
-
I will probably review in clumps so I can keep continuity in the story.
Comment from karenina
Oh how great! You're well into chapter 42 or 43 and I get to come back to the beginning and read it all from the get go! I'm already admiring Piper...
How endearing~ his thoughts!
" Oh, buck up. I'm not a kid anymore; I'm nearly fifteen."
And this, after just burying his grandfather...
Okay then, how ever am I going to make dinner? Do the laundry?
I've got chapters to read!
Love this...
Karenina
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2023
|
Oh how great! You're well into chapter 42 or 43 and I get to come back to the beginning and read it all from the get go! I'm already admiring Piper...
How endearing~ his thoughts!
" Oh, buck up. I'm not a kid anymore; I'm nearly fifteen."
And this, after just burying his grandfather...
Okay then, how ever am I going to make dinner? Do the laundry?
I've got chapters to read!
Love this...
Karenina
Comment Written 09-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2023
-
Hi Karenina,
I am so honored that you would go all the way back to the first chapter to read about Piper.
Thank you for mentioning what you thought about Piper's thoughts.
Thank you!
Debi
-
So impressed you started this in 2015! I was practically a child then!
(Oh brother, that's not true!)
Lol
Comment from May 1
I love your descriptions, they are amazing. Wow, this sure sounds like one big mess when parents don't hear their own child cry out. I love the ending paragraph. All in all, it sounds like a great beginning to an awesome story.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
|
I love your descriptions, they are amazing. Wow, this sure sounds like one big mess when parents don't hear their own child cry out. I love the ending paragraph. All in all, it sounds like a great beginning to an awesome story.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
-
Hi May 1,
Thank you for going back to read the first chapter of this novel. I was delighted to find your unexpected review today. I appreciate the encouraging comments and am so happy to hear you enjoyed this chapter.
Debi
-
No problem. I am planning on continuing reading it when I have some more free time.
Comment from Number11
I was disappointed Piper didn't go out the gate, but that makes me want to read more, wait for morning. The grandfather caught me off guard, I wanted to know more, and it definitely makes for an interesting opening!
I'm on to the next chapter...
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2017
 |
I was disappointed Piper didn't go out the gate, but that makes me want to read more, wait for morning. The grandfather caught me off guard, I wanted to know more, and it definitely makes for an interesting opening!
I'm on to the next chapter...
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for your review. If you give less than a five, you are also supposed to give advice on how to make the writing better. What can I do?
-
Right! I'd have liked a bit more on Piper and his grandfather, that caught me off guard and confused me a little. I am always a soldier of platform and here I wanted more details on him and his daily routine. I also really was curious about the gate and why Piper said no, myself as the audience is routing for him to at least take a peak out of that gate and see what beasties truly lie outside! So for me as a reader, I guess want more details, some idea of the routine, and some reason why Piper didn't go out.
-
Thank you for replying. Piper did go out of the gate and into the night alone. You are the first reader to mention that you thought he did not so I will take a look at that. This is the first chapter of a novel so details to come in later chapters on the things you mention. Thanks for stopping by and giving your feedback. Good luck with your own writing.
-
Ah! I re-read it and I got it, perfect, I was rushing a bit as I do, always anxious for the next bit. No I think its clear enough, Excellent!
-
Thanks for taking the time to read it again. Much appreciated.
Comment from Nosha17
I couldn't resist reading this, the piper is a nice title. Your story was very well written, you have a nice style of writing, I found no errors. I like the premise of the story, you have given glimpses of possible tyranny or cruelty. Likeable characters and good dialogue. Most enjoyable. faye
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2015
|
I couldn't resist reading this, the piper is a nice title. Your story was very well written, you have a nice style of writing, I found no errors. I like the premise of the story, you have given glimpses of possible tyranny or cruelty. Likeable characters and good dialogue. Most enjoyable. faye
Comment Written 12-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2015
-
Hi Faye,
I am flattered that the title grabbed you and pulled you in. Thank you for the encouraging comments about the writing. I am pleased you found the characters likeable and the read enjoyable. Thank you.
Debi
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I was drawn to this piece for the subject matter. I also have written on this with a piece entitled 'The Piper' here on FanStory back in February. The first chapter of which is still in my portfolio.
Good tension to the piece and the introduction to the character is sound and a little revealing with the care for the child. Foreshadowing perhaps.
All the best with this.
GMG
hilt of his sworded - sword.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2015
|
Hi there,
I was drawn to this piece for the subject matter. I also have written on this with a piece entitled 'The Piper' here on FanStory back in February. The first chapter of which is still in my portfolio.
Good tension to the piece and the introduction to the character is sound and a little revealing with the care for the child. Foreshadowing perhaps.
All the best with this.
GMG
hilt of his sworded - sword.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2015
-
Hi GMG,
Thank you for the encouraging review. I got hooked on the Piper and his story when I was reading some medeaval fairy stories and ran across the fact that the Pied Piper is based on historical events. I thought it was just a nice story poem that was read to me as I was growing up. To know that the town lost 130 children on a specific date in the 1200's intrigued me. I am sure the story has grown through the centuries as it became legend and was paired with the story of the rats that happened nearly a hundred years later. It certainly made me wonder why the piper would show up in the first place and why he did what he did. And what magic does he weild with the power of his flute?
-
Yeah. It is fascinating. There are two of two varying theories on the story and what the piper represents. I love the mythology of it and the 'Pied Piper' seems a forgotten tale largely and rife for an update or expansion. Good luck. G
Comment from Curly Girly
This was a well written chapter. No spags spotted. Your descriptions were good. The young man is fifteen, and a pipe player. His father has passed away and his future appears uncertain. He appears to be furtive and is planning something, perhaps an escape?
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2015
|
This was a well written chapter. No spags spotted. Your descriptions were good. The young man is fifteen, and a pipe player. His father has passed away and his future appears uncertain. He appears to be furtive and is planning something, perhaps an escape?
Comment Written 06-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2015
-
An escape? You could be right. Your synopsis is spot on. Thank you for the kind comments about the writing. I appreciate the encouragement.
Comment from Zue65
Well I think I have to wait for your next post to really understand and be familiar with this character Piper. There is something about this young lad. You dropped hints and clues just enough for us, the readers to be glued to your story. Clever ploy. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2015
|
Well I think I have to wait for your next post to really understand and be familiar with this character Piper. There is something about this young lad. You dropped hints and clues just enough for us, the readers to be glued to your story. Clever ploy. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2015
-
Thank you for the kind comments about the writing and encouragement to continue.
Debi
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hi, Debi,
Okay, here we go...into the night where eyes may glow...for superstition's always grow from people who think they may know...
You do a nice job setting the table for this story; it reads well, along with good dialog to support the tale.
I can already feel that there is a lesson relating to our inner fears and their possible causes...intriguing!
Looking forward to the next installment, my friend...keep them coming:)
Hope all is well,
Bill
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
|
Hi, Debi,
Okay, here we go...into the night where eyes may glow...for superstition's always grow from people who think they may know...
You do a nice job setting the table for this story; it reads well, along with good dialog to support the tale.
I can already feel that there is a lesson relating to our inner fears and their possible causes...intriguing!
Looking forward to the next installment, my friend...keep them coming:)
Hope all is well,
Bill
Comment Written 05-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
-
Hi Bill,
Thank you for the great review. Yes, superstition can lead to all sorts of fears and other things. I am delighted that you like this. Thank you for the encouragement.
Debi
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is an interesting post that the author has created with this piece of writing. I am not usually into this genre of writing, but this reads well.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
|
This is an interesting post that the author has created with this piece of writing. I am not usually into this genre of writing, but this reads well.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
-
Thank you for the encouraging review. I appreciate you taking the time, especially since this in not a genre that you usually read. Debi
-
My pleasure.
