Immaculate
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Coffee"A killer is on the loose
7 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
You describe the people well through their coffee choices. You made me chuckle. I'm pretty boring. I like caramel macchiato grande with lactose free milk.
I like the mystery building and the coming together of the investigators. You have me hooked and assured I'll be following this story as you write it :)
Just two little nit comments this time:
"he (look) a slurp of his drink and couldn't stop a laugh from escaping his lips." - took
- you have used, "said" a lot. It's one of those words to avoid and use something else to beef up the descriptions.
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You describe the people well through their coffee choices. You made me chuckle. I'm pretty boring. I like caramel macchiato grande with lactose free milk.
I like the mystery building and the coming together of the investigators. You have me hooked and assured I'll be following this story as you write it :)
Just two little nit comments this time:
"he (look) a slurp of his drink and couldn't stop a laugh from escaping his lips." - took
- you have used, "said" a lot. It's one of those words to avoid and use something else to beef up the descriptions.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2015
Comment from barkingdog
I liked the way you described these high ranking officials in the meeting with their coffee/tea choices.
Anderson's boss wants him to report to her exclusively as they all hunt a killer with a specific set of targets who has a unique and defining kill-set.
I saw no correction.
:) e
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I liked the way you described these high ranking officials in the meeting with their coffee/tea choices.
Anderson's boss wants him to report to her exclusively as they all hunt a killer with a specific set of targets who has a unique and defining kill-set.
I saw no correction.
:) e
Comment Written 03-Nov-2015
Comment from royowen
Anderson appears to know who the malevolent killer and seems think he has her measure. Fancy getting skewered while doing something one perhaps shouldn't it doesn't bear thinking about. Most enjoyable, good spy, murder, thriller. The plot is structured well, good characters, good yarn, blessings, Roy
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Anderson appears to know who the malevolent killer and seems think he has her measure. Fancy getting skewered while doing something one perhaps shouldn't it doesn't bear thinking about. Most enjoyable, good spy, murder, thriller. The plot is structured well, good characters, good yarn, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 03-Nov-2015
Comment from gamay
Hi Fleedleflump.
This is very nice and interesting story.
Its easy to understand.
I really enjoyed it.
Keep on coming.
have a nice day to you.
gamay
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Hi Fleedleflump.
This is very nice and interesting story.
Its easy to understand.
I really enjoyed it.
Keep on coming.
have a nice day to you.
gamay
Comment Written 03-Nov-2015
Comment from sbedian
I Liked the theme of this story, an official life of people dealing with life and death all the time is excellent for good storytelling. I'd like to see where it goes next, I'd read the whole piece one piece at a time as it comes out. Keep writing!
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I Liked the theme of this story, an official life of people dealing with life and death all the time is excellent for good storytelling. I'd like to see where it goes next, I'd read the whole piece one piece at a time as it comes out. Keep writing!
Comment Written 03-Nov-2015
Comment from Cletus Hardiman
Thank you for writing this nice piece of work. I missed the first chapter, but I will have to catch up! Good job! Cletus Hardiman
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Thank you for writing this nice piece of work. I missed the first chapter, but I will have to catch up! Good job! Cletus Hardiman
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
Comment from Sasha
This is definitely a 6 star chapter but I am saving them for later this week. I've been using them all up by the end of Monday and I find myself in a bind at the end of the week. I really like how you presented each character by what they were drinking...very clever. I also love how you leave us with a marvelous cliffhanger...I love cliffhangers!
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This is definitely a 6 star chapter but I am saving them for later this week. I've been using them all up by the end of Monday and I find myself in a bind at the end of the week. I really like how you presented each character by what they were drinking...very clever. I also love how you leave us with a marvelous cliffhanger...I love cliffhangers!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
