The Quest
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Quest Part Seven"Finding My Roots
31 total reviews
Comment from Curly Girly
What an exciting moment! I can just picture you there, waiting for that door to open. Your heart would be pounding with expectancy. Would she slam the door in your face? Or welcome you in. Perhaps she might ask you to call later ... Either way, it was tough waiting to find out.
Our parents and how they perceive us, affects us deeply. You had already been rejected at birth--would she do it again? Some mothers do. I can understand your tears and fragility.
Suggestions:
Prior to this,I have
Prior to this,[space]I have
Prior to this, I have arranged to visit friends in Missouri, and I have decided to go on to California from there. If my mother doesn't want to have anything to do with me, I at least want to have seen her in person.
Prior to THAT, I HAD arranged to visit friends in Missouri, and HAD decided to go on to California from there. If my mother DIDN'T want anything to do with me, AT LEAST I HAD TRIED TO MEET HER.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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What an exciting moment! I can just picture you there, waiting for that door to open. Your heart would be pounding with expectancy. Would she slam the door in your face? Or welcome you in. Perhaps she might ask you to call later ... Either way, it was tough waiting to find out.
Our parents and how they perceive us, affects us deeply. You had already been rejected at birth--would she do it again? Some mothers do. I can understand your tears and fragility.
Suggestions:
Prior to this,I have
Prior to this,[space]I have
Prior to this, I have arranged to visit friends in Missouri, and I have decided to go on to California from there. If my mother doesn't want to have anything to do with me, I at least want to have seen her in person.
Prior to THAT, I HAD arranged to visit friends in Missouri, and HAD decided to go on to California from there. If my mother DIDN'T want anything to do with me, AT LEAST I HAD TRIED TO MEET HER.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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Thank you so much for your review. I've made the changes. Appriciate it, thanks a lot. Ulla
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
A little way from the end you wrote, 'I paid, went back in the car and looked up the address.' It's okay, but I think it could be improved by saying 'I paid, went back to the car and looked up the address.' It's a mere detail, really, but this is wonderful writing. it's a pleasure to read and so well written. I particularly thought the goodbye in Missouri was handled so poignantly. It got right to the heart of your love for your friends. Giddy
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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A little way from the end you wrote, 'I paid, went back in the car and looked up the address.' It's okay, but I think it could be improved by saying 'I paid, went back to the car and looked up the address.' It's a mere detail, really, but this is wonderful writing. it's a pleasure to read and so well written. I particularly thought the goodbye in Missouri was handled so poignantly. It got right to the heart of your love for your friends. Giddy
Comment Written 20-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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Oh Giddy thank you so much. I hope you know how much I appreciate it. Got delayed in answering with FS going totally bonkers. Thanks again. All best, Ulla
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Ulla, I haven't been following your story, but you've done an excellent job of portraying your anxiety and building the reader's expectation as you approach what could be a defining moment of your life. Beautifully and skillfully done. :)Nancy
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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Ulla, I haven't been following your story, but you've done an excellent job of portraying your anxiety and building the reader's expectation as you approach what could be a defining moment of your life. Beautifully and skillfully done. :)Nancy
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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I am so happy that you like it Nancy, that is a great complement that you like the writing. Next part is following soon. Thanks again. All best, Ulla
Comment from MLEaton
You keep the tension well. I can't wait to find out what happens next, and this is the first part of the story I've read. Well done
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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You keep the tension well. I can't wait to find out what happens next, and this is the first part of the story I've read. Well done
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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Oh thank you so much, I am so pleased that you liked my writing. More to follow soon. Ulla
Comment from Mastery
Hello, my friend. I love this story and can relate very well with my background. Your images and dialogue are superb.
"and then it hit me, and it hit hard. I sat rooted to my seat looking out of the window, yet saw nothing. Tears filled my eyes, and then I cried."
And: "so I quickly pulled in, stopped the engine, and looked in the mirror to assess the repair needed to erase any trace of my crying. Another few deep breaths, a good drink from the water bottle, and I felt ready. Well, as ready as I would ever be.
Suggestions: "My tears were running freely now as I walked on.
I turned around once, we waved, and I was off. Change to: (My tears ran freely as I walked away; I turned around and we waved--then I was off to see my mother.)
And: " I'd decided to arrive in Santa Cruz early in the afternoon the following day, find accommodation, and then go to look up my mother. (accommodations..plural)
Excellent writing, Ulla. Bob
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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Hello, my friend. I love this story and can relate very well with my background. Your images and dialogue are superb.
"and then it hit me, and it hit hard. I sat rooted to my seat looking out of the window, yet saw nothing. Tears filled my eyes, and then I cried."
And: "so I quickly pulled in, stopped the engine, and looked in the mirror to assess the repair needed to erase any trace of my crying. Another few deep breaths, a good drink from the water bottle, and I felt ready. Well, as ready as I would ever be.
Suggestions: "My tears were running freely now as I walked on.
I turned around once, we waved, and I was off. Change to: (My tears ran freely as I walked away; I turned around and we waved--then I was off to see my mother.)
And: " I'd decided to arrive in Santa Cruz early in the afternoon the following day, find accommodation, and then go to look up my mother. (accommodations..plural)
Excellent writing, Ulla. Bob
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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Oh Bob, thank you so much. I'm so sorry being so late answering you, but was caught up on our land and then with FS going bonkers. I was there when it happened and it was quite unbelievable. We had all posted the same story forever more. Looking forward to next chapter of yours. All best. Ulla
Comment from jpduck
I was very moved by this. You conveyed the overwhelming enormity of what you were doing so powerfully. Well done indeed!
'After a good night*'s* sleep'
'leaving most of my luggage in a very pleasant room. (Insert a blank line after this to mark the new paragraph).
Replace exclamation marks with full stops in the following:
'Harold, Rhonda, I love you both!'
'just there were the condors!'
'I was to see my mother later on in the day!'
'Twenty miles to Santa Cruz!'
'And to stop right now!'
However, change the full stop TO an exclamation mark after 'birds' in: 'Wow, what magnificent birds.
Adrian
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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I was very moved by this. You conveyed the overwhelming enormity of what you were doing so powerfully. Well done indeed!
'After a good night*'s* sleep'
'leaving most of my luggage in a very pleasant room. (Insert a blank line after this to mark the new paragraph).
Replace exclamation marks with full stops in the following:
'Harold, Rhonda, I love you both!'
'just there were the condors!'
'I was to see my mother later on in the day!'
'Twenty miles to Santa Cruz!'
'And to stop right now!'
However, change the full stop TO an exclamation mark after 'birds' in: 'Wow, what magnificent birds.
Adrian
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Thank you so much Adrian, I am so pleased that you liked it and I have made all the corrections. I is the the most emotional journey I've ever made. It was difficult. Thanks again. All the best, Ulla
Comment from Janet Foor
You weave a story full of suspense and apprehension. You keep the reader engaged with your vivid descriptions of the California coast while all the time anxious for what awaits you. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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You weave a story full of suspense and apprehension. You keep the reader engaged with your vivid descriptions of the California coast while all the time anxious for what awaits you. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Oh Janet, thank you so much for your encouraging review and the all the lovely stars. I am so pleased. It was a very emotional drive and time. Thanks again. All best, Ulla
Comment from Sambangi
Wow, your story sent deep waves of emotion in me. Exciting till the end to know what happens next. At the end you left me in suspense. Will look forward to the next part. Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Wow, your story sent deep waves of emotion in me. Exciting till the end to know what happens next. At the end you left me in suspense. Will look forward to the next part. Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Thank you so much. I am so pleased you like it. Next part soon to come . All best, Ulla
Comment from Eric1
Hi Ulla, well you got there at last! I have followed your story from day one and I now feel more nervous than you to discover what comes next in this brilliant biography of your life my friend.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Hi Ulla, well you got there at last! I have followed your story from day one and I now feel more nervous than you to discover what comes next in this brilliant biography of your life my friend.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Hi Eric, thank you so much for the review. I am really pleased that you like it. It was very emotional and a lot of the feelings that I experienced were so unexpected. Thanks again. Ulla
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It was a pleasure to review Ulla.
Comment from Nosha17
Your story is so good, Ulla, you have me in suspense now! I can quite understand your apprehension and the tears after all those years of not knowing. Well narrated with excellent descriptions of the trip. Glad you had a good time in Portugal. Chat soon, faye
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Your story is so good, Ulla, you have me in suspense now! I can quite understand your apprehension and the tears after all those years of not knowing. Well narrated with excellent descriptions of the trip. Glad you had a good time in Portugal. Chat soon, faye
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Thank you so much Faye, and for your wonderful stars. It was a very emotional time for me. I don't know what I'd expected, but it did take me by surprise. Thanks a lot again, I'm so glad you like it, and we chat soon. Ulla
