Drinking Problem -- The Book
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Fist City"Alcohol destroys life long friendhip
15 total reviews
Comment from TomyKan
Very powerful writing tells a compelling story. An easy read, with lots of suspense throughout, and good imagery. I want to hear the rest of the story, and will read your other writings on drinking problems. Well done.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015
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Very powerful writing tells a compelling story. An easy read, with lots of suspense throughout, and good imagery. I want to hear the rest of the story, and will read your other writings on drinking problems. Well done.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Much more to follow. Stay tuned. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Linda Engel
good chapter.
Dad is accused of murder . Son takes up for dad and punches jerky boy, Carlton.
Steps in agitated mom, with a drinking problem, and not far behind is Johnathan's best friend, Kyle.
Cool story will there be another chapter? Hope so.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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good chapter.
Dad is accused of murder . Son takes up for dad and punches jerky boy, Carlton.
Steps in agitated mom, with a drinking problem, and not far behind is Johnathan's best friend, Kyle.
Cool story will there be another chapter? Hope so.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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Wild Blue Yonder, Forever Friends, and Teen Scene - Part 1 are all in my portfolio. Glad you enjoyed this little addition to that family of stories. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from DawsonDavenport
Very honest writing. It is compelling as well as a piece that makes a reader want more. The Dungstons' fate becomes somewhat important to the reader. I say somewhat because full empathy towards the characters has not, as yet, being created. Perhaps that was intentional, but regardless of this, the story is emotional and conveys the appropriate imagery for the reader to envision. I am especially drawn to the female character who finds herself attracted to the lurid call from the bottle of gin and she has only two people to blame; her very own family. Thank you for the story.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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Very honest writing. It is compelling as well as a piece that makes a reader want more. The Dungstons' fate becomes somewhat important to the reader. I say somewhat because full empathy towards the characters has not, as yet, being created. Perhaps that was intentional, but regardless of this, the story is emotional and conveys the appropriate imagery for the reader to envision. I am especially drawn to the female character who finds herself attracted to the lurid call from the bottle of gin and she has only two people to blame; her very own family. Thank you for the story.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Wild Blue Yonder, Forever Friends, and Teen Scene - Part 1 are others that are portions of the overall tale. Can be found in my portfolio. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a cool approach to telling this story, Brett. Having the episode be revealed through both the past tense, via the phone call, and in the present, through Jonathan's actions, makes the reading interesting.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015
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This is a cool approach to telling this story, Brett. Having the episode be revealed through both the past tense, via the phone call, and in the present, through Jonathan's actions, makes the reading interesting.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. So much more of the story still to come. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from frogbook
Very easy reading. Every word was interesting. Liked the seahorse angle too... Educational and who doesn't love a seahorse. Well written, highly intertwining and intriguing characters.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Very easy reading. Every word was interesting. Liked the seahorse angle too... Educational and who doesn't love a seahorse. Well written, highly intertwining and intriguing characters.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from judiverse
A husband whose specialty is seahorses would be enough to drive one to drink. There's a lot to absorb in this, with the missing student and Jonathan's fight with Carlton Slater. It sounds like Carlton egged Jonathan on, mentioning his father being questioned in the murder investigation. Then Carlton charges that his dad has gotten away with it before. Has ne anything to back up that claim? Excellent writing. judi
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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A husband whose specialty is seahorses would be enough to drive one to drink. There's a lot to absorb in this, with the missing student and Jonathan's fight with Carlton Slater. It sounds like Carlton egged Jonathan on, mentioning his father being questioned in the murder investigation. Then Carlton charges that his dad has gotten away with it before. Has ne anything to back up that claim? Excellent writing. judi
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Of course not, but that is how bullies operate. He found out the hard way not to pick on other kids. Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from barkingdog
Johnathan beat up the bully. Good for him.
But now he's in a load of trouble with both the school and the law.
His dad has some problems, too. A girl is missing and he's being questioned.
This is turning into a very interesting story, Brett.
:) e
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Johnathan beat up the bully. Good for him.
But now he's in a load of trouble with both the school and the law.
His dad has some problems, too. A girl is missing and he's being questioned.
This is turning into a very interesting story, Brett.
:) e
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Glad you are enjoying these little tales. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from chasennov
A school fight leads to Jonathan's arrest "Fist City" This is an excellent story you have created here and I like where it is going. Please check on this sentence, it makes no sense: 'A little nip of gin, from the bottle she kept locked away in the bottom drawer of her workstation desk, would soon be calling her name.' Could you also explain what an Acura is? Otherwise well written and well done.
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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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A school fight leads to Jonathan's arrest "Fist City" This is an excellent story you have created here and I like where it is going. Please check on this sentence, it makes no sense: 'A little nip of gin, from the bottle she kept locked away in the bottom drawer of her workstation desk, would soon be calling her name.' Could you also explain what an Acura is? Otherwise well written and well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Gin comes in a bottle. Calling her name is an expression meaning "I'm here. You know you can not resist me". So, that line makes perfect sense. Acura is a brand of automobile.
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There is an issue with readability. For the purpose of clarity, Acura is not a brand of automobile it is a division within Honda.
Comment from MizKat
Hi Brett,
The third part of the follow up story is really good too. I hope they find out that Carlton was the main person to start the fight etc. I think Johnathan's a good boy. It's too bad his mom drinks so much.
Kat
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Hi Brett,
The third part of the follow up story is really good too. I hope they find out that Carlton was the main person to start the fight etc. I think Johnathan's a good boy. It's too bad his mom drinks so much.
Kat
Comment Written 17-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated. Insider note: Kyle has the next experience.
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I'm looking forward to reading the next one. Kat
Comment from MelB
struggling to breath, and a second right cross - breathe
Quite a brawl going down at school and mom is drinking and driving. I hope mom doesn't lose it too bad at the school.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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struggling to breath, and a second right cross - breathe
Quite a brawl going down at school and mom is drinking and driving. I hope mom doesn't lose it too bad at the school.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Alcohol, for some people plays the central point of their life. Your comments and support appreciated.
