Drinking Problem -- The Book
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Wild Blue Yonder"Alcohol destroys life long friendhip
15 total reviews
Comment from GE Parson
Very good write . Interesting start . Looking forward to next instalment . no scacs found . all words spelled correctly . ready for next chaprer
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Very good write . Interesting start . Looking forward to next instalment . no scacs found . all words spelled correctly . ready for next chaprer
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from patcelaw
Brett, this is a story that is so true to many lives of young boys and girls today. Many have all the material things, yet the parents are so stressed they bicker and fight all the time. Nice story telling, Patricia
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Brett, this is a story that is so true to many lives of young boys and girls today. Many have all the material things, yet the parents are so stressed they bicker and fight all the time. Nice story telling, Patricia
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. And, most of the time alcohol is central to all those parental squabbles. Your comments an d support appreciated.
Comment from mfowler
This story is well sketched in this introduction. Jonathon is painted as an unhappy boy living among the burning embers of his parents' relationship. He fantasises and plays airplane battles as a way of disassociating himself from the strife. His father is a drinker and makes it clear to Jonathon that he must leave his stash alone. There seems to be a foregrounding of Jonathon's future in this write, something perhaps to do with his career, but the psychological trauma he inherits may influence just how this goes. Excellent writing.
Two suggestions:
a petit woman..petite
He was also the manager of Jonathan's Little League baseball team, the Dragons, where he played shortstop and second base. ...If you read this carefully, it implies that Jonathon's father plays shortstop, but clearly that's not what you meant...suggest:
He was also the manager of Jonathan's Little League baseball team, the Dragons, where Jonathon played shortstop and second base.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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This story is well sketched in this introduction. Jonathon is painted as an unhappy boy living among the burning embers of his parents' relationship. He fantasises and plays airplane battles as a way of disassociating himself from the strife. His father is a drinker and makes it clear to Jonathon that he must leave his stash alone. There seems to be a foregrounding of Jonathon's future in this write, something perhaps to do with his career, but the psychological trauma he inherits may influence just how this goes. Excellent writing.
Two suggestions:
a petit woman..petite
He was also the manager of Jonathan's Little League baseball team, the Dragons, where he played shortstop and second base. ...If you read this carefully, it implies that Jonathon's father plays shortstop, but clearly that's not what you meant...suggest:
He was also the manager of Jonathan's Little League baseball team, the Dragons, where Jonathon played shortstop and second base.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Appreciate your comments and support. Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Also, appreciate the edits.
Comment from Beejay
The beginning of the story grabbed my attention and me me interested in reading the remainder. You have successfully weaved the setting and plot.it's a fresh look at an age old problem.well done.
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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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The beginning of the story grabbed my attention and me me interested in reading the remainder. You have successfully weaved the setting and plot.it's a fresh look at an age old problem.well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
-
Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from barkingdog
Hi, Brett.
This is a wonderful beginning. I'm already fond of your main character and have sympathy for his having to live with an alcoholic father who is abusive to him and his mother.
The introduction of his friend, Kyle, makes me want to know more about their friendship since he is the one Johnathan turns to.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Hi, Brett.
This is a wonderful beginning. I'm already fond of your main character and have sympathy for his having to live with an alcoholic father who is abusive to him and his mother.
The introduction of his friend, Kyle, makes me want to know more about their friendship since he is the one Johnathan turns to.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Insider secret: an introduction to Kyle will be the next submission. Your comments and support appreciated.
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I look forward to it.
