The Orange Sky of His Goodbye
Picture This Challenge - Prose Poem26 total reviews
Comment from Nosha17
Writing wonderful words in tribute to him is a release for the pain. You are remembering his goodness while he was alive, his spirit never dies. Good use of descriptive language and imagery. Most enjoyable read, I feel for you. faye
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Writing wonderful words in tribute to him is a release for the pain. You are remembering his goodness while he was alive, his spirit never dies. Good use of descriptive language and imagery. Most enjoyable read, I feel for you. faye
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Thank you for your heart felt review to my work.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Such tender, touching sentiments expressed here, Amada. There hasn't been a single poem written for this group, present company excluded, of course, which hasn't been exceptionally beautiful.
This heartfelt, gut-wrenching poignant tribute to your dear grandson Anthony's memory you have so graciously shared with us all here is certainly no exception.
Although I have no idea how long it's been since God called him home, it matters little. Something like this is never forgotten.
I am deeply sorrowed by your loss...
Always with respect
~Dean
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Such tender, touching sentiments expressed here, Amada. There hasn't been a single poem written for this group, present company excluded, of course, which hasn't been exceptionally beautiful.
This heartfelt, gut-wrenching poignant tribute to your dear grandson Anthony's memory you have so graciously shared with us all here is certainly no exception.
Although I have no idea how long it's been since God called him home, it matters little. Something like this is never forgotten.
I am deeply sorrowed by your loss...
Always with respect
~Dean
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Thank you Dean for this touching review. His last day on earth, March 28, 2015. Killed by a drunk driver...Oh.
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Horrible thing to have happen, Amada, especially for someone so young with their whole life ahead of them. Let me guess, the drunkard survived, right?
So sad...
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Yes!
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I figured as much. it's said that God watches over drunkards and fools...
At least he or she has to live with it for the rest of their lives. I simply couldn't do it, no way!
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Nancy
_ Such a poignant piece.
_ I'm so sorry you have lost your grandson.
_ Such beautiful memories you will always be able to treasure.
_ This describes him and what he was all about.
_ Thank you for sharing such special visual moments.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*>*)
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Hi, Nancy
_ Such a poignant piece.
_ I'm so sorry you have lost your grandson.
_ Such beautiful memories you will always be able to treasure.
_ This describes him and what he was all about.
_ Thank you for sharing such special visual moments.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*>*)
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Jax.
Comment from rama devi
Beautiful. Touching. This is deeply poignant, my friend. So sorry for this tragic loss. 28 is too young to die--yet God calls some of his angels home early.
This poem is so richly expressive and the way the imagery sparked memory of your precious grandson makes it a unique entry for this contest.
It reads like a Haibun, so i almost feel like suggesting you add a haiku and call it a haibun! (Not necessary--but might be good!)
I like the disjointed rhythm effect from some lines long and some short. Perfect for a memory poem, as memories flash in the mind in just that way. Also a good haibun style prose.
POWERFUL IMAGE:
I see the one hundred orange balloons that flew to the sky the day of his entombment.
EVEN MORE STRIKING:
I see the one that stayed behind--the balloon that became enlaced in the branches of a tree, right in front of our eyes. Oh, that sweet chalice of vision. The blessed balloon stayed up there for a while, dancing with the wind, blending with the sky. The nurturing branches softy swaying as if in a lullaby.
Love this part, especially:
The blessed balloon stayed up there for a while, dancing with the wind, blending with the sky. The nurturing branches softy swaying as if in a lullaby.
Nice bonus rhyming. Fine alliteration of B. Beautifully pensive tone, wistful and deep.
Incredibly poignant stanza:
I see how, with miraculous gentleness, each one of the tree leaves opened softly, like rose petals in summer; in an easy twirl, Anthony flew into the sky. He already had run a decathlon and climbed mountains in life.
Love how you interlaced the natural imagery with the presence of his spirit..miraculous gentleness is so well coined--INSPIRED! Nice simile of rose petals in summer. The use of a semicolon instead of a period there is significant...it shows how Anthony was interconnected with the tree (symbolizing nature--all of life--and thus still with you even while flying into the sky).
Nicely voiced:
I see this miracle as his goodbye. Bright, teasing, laughing...as he was in life.
I like the contrast and parallel in this section:
I see my long narrow road under the solace of the orange color. Those days with a twist of brightness are the days when his sunny presence graces me.
I also see the days with dark slashes on the road. Those are the days when I don't see a reason, or atonement, or light. Those are the days when I question and unravel before the Almighty God.
However, I felt it would be more inspiring if you switched the two--so the ALSO and the closing note ends on the joyful aspect.
Example:
I see the days with dark slashes on the road. Those are the days when I don't see a reason, or atonement, or light. Those are the days when I question and unravel before the Almighty God.
I also see my long narrow road under the solace of the orange color. Those days with a twist of brightness are the days when his sunny presence graces me.
Pitch perfect closing:
I see the sweet mystery of life in these orange trees branching over the road.
Love and Light,
rd
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Beautiful. Touching. This is deeply poignant, my friend. So sorry for this tragic loss. 28 is too young to die--yet God calls some of his angels home early.
This poem is so richly expressive and the way the imagery sparked memory of your precious grandson makes it a unique entry for this contest.
It reads like a Haibun, so i almost feel like suggesting you add a haiku and call it a haibun! (Not necessary--but might be good!)
I like the disjointed rhythm effect from some lines long and some short. Perfect for a memory poem, as memories flash in the mind in just that way. Also a good haibun style prose.
POWERFUL IMAGE:
I see the one hundred orange balloons that flew to the sky the day of his entombment.
EVEN MORE STRIKING:
I see the one that stayed behind--the balloon that became enlaced in the branches of a tree, right in front of our eyes. Oh, that sweet chalice of vision. The blessed balloon stayed up there for a while, dancing with the wind, blending with the sky. The nurturing branches softy swaying as if in a lullaby.
Love this part, especially:
The blessed balloon stayed up there for a while, dancing with the wind, blending with the sky. The nurturing branches softy swaying as if in a lullaby.
Nice bonus rhyming. Fine alliteration of B. Beautifully pensive tone, wistful and deep.
Incredibly poignant stanza:
I see how, with miraculous gentleness, each one of the tree leaves opened softly, like rose petals in summer; in an easy twirl, Anthony flew into the sky. He already had run a decathlon and climbed mountains in life.
Love how you interlaced the natural imagery with the presence of his spirit..miraculous gentleness is so well coined--INSPIRED! Nice simile of rose petals in summer. The use of a semicolon instead of a period there is significant...it shows how Anthony was interconnected with the tree (symbolizing nature--all of life--and thus still with you even while flying into the sky).
Nicely voiced:
I see this miracle as his goodbye. Bright, teasing, laughing...as he was in life.
I like the contrast and parallel in this section:
I see my long narrow road under the solace of the orange color. Those days with a twist of brightness are the days when his sunny presence graces me.
I also see the days with dark slashes on the road. Those are the days when I don't see a reason, or atonement, or light. Those are the days when I question and unravel before the Almighty God.
However, I felt it would be more inspiring if you switched the two--so the ALSO and the closing note ends on the joyful aspect.
Example:
I see the days with dark slashes on the road. Those are the days when I don't see a reason, or atonement, or light. Those are the days when I question and unravel before the Almighty God.
I also see my long narrow road under the solace of the orange color. Those days with a twist of brightness are the days when his sunny presence graces me.
Pitch perfect closing:
I see the sweet mystery of life in these orange trees branching over the road.
Love and Light,
rd
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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I did it dear friend. I took care of those details. Thank you, my friend.
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Most welcome, dear! Hugs, rd
Comment from Leineco
This is a powerful declaration of grief, and yet there is a joyful remembrance too. There is no direct information regarding how long ago this special child passed - but there is a sense of lasting impact.
I was particularly touched by the the single balloon that lingered - Bright, teasing, laughing...as he was in life. It spoke of the lightness he left behind, and the pure joy you took in his having come into your life.
I also understood the dark slashes on the road and how contemplating those you would question and unravel before the Almighty God. Thankfully, God can understand this anger and confusion.
I am sorry for this loss, and hope you continue to see his brilliance shiny in the gold and orange of fall.
Beautifully written Amada.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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This is a powerful declaration of grief, and yet there is a joyful remembrance too. There is no direct information regarding how long ago this special child passed - but there is a sense of lasting impact.
I was particularly touched by the the single balloon that lingered - Bright, teasing, laughing...as he was in life. It spoke of the lightness he left behind, and the pure joy you took in his having come into your life.
I also understood the dark slashes on the road and how contemplating those you would question and unravel before the Almighty God. Thankfully, God can understand this anger and confusion.
I am sorry for this loss, and hope you continue to see his brilliance shiny in the gold and orange of fall.
Beautifully written Amada.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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What a beautiful review! Thank you. Oh, thank you.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a touching poem of your grandson. Well written. Captures the reader's heart and mind with your vivid descriptions. Nicely expressed. God bless.
I am a new member to the group. My name is Marilyn, pen name BeasPeas. An error was made in the roster so I am notifying each member individually. My poem is entitled "October Stroll" which I posted today. I'm looking forward to reading more of poets' works in Picture This. Marilyn
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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This is a touching poem of your grandson. Well written. Captures the reader's heart and mind with your vivid descriptions. Nicely expressed. God bless.
I am a new member to the group. My name is Marilyn, pen name BeasPeas. An error was made in the roster so I am notifying each member individually. My poem is entitled "October Stroll" which I posted today. I'm looking forward to reading more of poets' works in Picture This. Marilyn
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Thank you Marilyn for commenting in my work. Welcome to the Picture This club!
Comment from Unspoken94
Amada, your loss is so profoundly deep and I can only guess the grief you have for his mother and father. Writing this piece is a courageous legacy to him. Thank you for making available to all of us on FS. What I sense is that your unraveling before God seems to indicate that you remain committed to his relationship with you. All the best. I will be voting if permitted. Bill
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Amada, your loss is so profoundly deep and I can only guess the grief you have for his mother and father. Writing this piece is a courageous legacy to him. Thank you for making available to all of us on FS. What I sense is that your unraveling before God seems to indicate that you remain committed to his relationship with you. All the best. I will be voting if permitted. Bill
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Bill, thank you for commenting in the unmentioned pain for my daughter, Lisa. Oh yes, He was a mamma'boy and proud of it! She needs prayers as well.
Comment from robyn corum
What a sad and poignant write. I think I can feel so many emotions emanating from this one: tragedy, sadness, hope, then sadness again - and an overarching grief and loneliness. So sorry for your loss!
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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What a sad and poignant write. I think I can feel so many emotions emanating from this one: tragedy, sadness, hope, then sadness again - and an overarching grief and loneliness. So sorry for your loss!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Thank you Robyn.
Comment from Joy Graham
I'm sorry for the loss of your grandson. This is so unexpected after reading all the different versions of this picture. I can see how this time of year could bring back those memories. You described it well.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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I'm sorry for the loss of your grandson. This is so unexpected after reading all the different versions of this picture. I can see how this time of year could bring back those memories. You described it well.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Thank you Joy.
Comment from royowen
Such a sad dedication to a much loved and dearly departed grandson, but God does bring solace, if we but only look, the symbolic brightness in the autumn leaves, speaks of the life to come, even in the resting starkness of winter, the evening star still shines, and That life returns to roost in dreams, of life beyond. Beautifully written prose, my friend, I think those that depart, await a heavenly reunion, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2015
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Such a sad dedication to a much loved and dearly departed grandson, but God does bring solace, if we but only look, the symbolic brightness in the autumn leaves, speaks of the life to come, even in the resting starkness of winter, the evening star still shines, and That life returns to roost in dreams, of life beyond. Beautifully written prose, my friend, I think those that depart, await a heavenly reunion, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2015
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Thank you for reading my work.
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My pleasure
