Texas Dream Catcher
Viewing comments for Chapter 63 "Chapter Veinte, (20) Part Cinco"Drug & human trafficking, can romance win?
49 total reviews
Comment from abbasjoy
What an exciting chapter with a lot of great action. It seems as though we are getting closer to Jim's identity, although I'm sure most readers guess he's on the good side and probably working undercover.
REally enjoyable chapter.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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What an exciting chapter with a lot of great action. It seems as though we are getting closer to Jim's identity, although I'm sure most readers guess he's on the good side and probably working undercover.
REally enjoyable chapter.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Coming in a little late! An action packed post, Barbara, well done. Uh oh - it looks like Jim is injured - oh no! Loved the bit with the bear. Nice touch.
Av
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Coming in a little late! An action packed post, Barbara, well done. Uh oh - it looks like Jim is injured - oh no! Loved the bit with the bear. Nice touch.
Av
Comment Written 09-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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TThank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from quashdog
Fast paced action. The only thing I'd like to point is that on one instance you referred to the criminal gang as "the Los Zetas". "Los" means "the", so "the Los" is redundant.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Fast paced action. The only thing I'd like to point is that on one instance you referred to the criminal gang as "the Los Zetas". "Los" means "the", so "the Los" is redundant.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Good build up of tension and descriptive narrative coupled with fast paced dialog that enhances characterization. I've made quite a few suggestions below, but some are not corrections--optional, of course. I know you'll consider the spag ones, so I'm giving five stars in advance. Good writing...just needs polishing!
NOTES
*She released a deep breath. "They are really close. I'm going back to my post."
CONSIDERING the tension in the scene, They are would be better as They're (IMHO)
"Seems like they arrived just in time. How did you do that?" Soni blew out a deep breath.
*Similar
* Jim watched twenty men air assault, rappelling down ropes,(no ,) from two helicopters behind the line of Los Zetas.
* the black bear reappeared behind the man who shot at him.
either:
the black bear reappeared behind the man who had shot at him.
or:
the black bear reappeared behind the man, who shot at him.
Love the descriptions in this narrative:
The wind of the propellers blew Soni's hair loose from her long braids. She watched the sagebrush blow across the dry land.
*
Rat-ta-tat of the Gatling guns echoed amongst the mesas.
amongst sounds off here. Among does too...around, perhaps? Or throughout?
*Soni closed her eyes and then (opened them and) watched the majority of the Los Zetas continue forward.
*
"I doubt it. He's on some beach living a life of leisure," Jim yelled his comment,(no , here I think) before returning to his post.
* carried the men who had air assaulted landed a few hundred yards behind the semi and joined the fight, protecting the young women cowered together.
Los Zetas continued firing at Soni, Tatiana, and Jim (,)who returned fire.
As usual, the closing line is a hook making the reader wonder what happens next...and where he took a bullet!
(Hope it's not serious..poor Jim)
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Good build up of tension and descriptive narrative coupled with fast paced dialog that enhances characterization. I've made quite a few suggestions below, but some are not corrections--optional, of course. I know you'll consider the spag ones, so I'm giving five stars in advance. Good writing...just needs polishing!
NOTES
*She released a deep breath. "They are really close. I'm going back to my post."
CONSIDERING the tension in the scene, They are would be better as They're (IMHO)
"Seems like they arrived just in time. How did you do that?" Soni blew out a deep breath.
*Similar
* Jim watched twenty men air assault, rappelling down ropes,(no ,) from two helicopters behind the line of Los Zetas.
* the black bear reappeared behind the man who shot at him.
either:
the black bear reappeared behind the man who had shot at him.
or:
the black bear reappeared behind the man, who shot at him.
Love the descriptions in this narrative:
The wind of the propellers blew Soni's hair loose from her long braids. She watched the sagebrush blow across the dry land.
*
Rat-ta-tat of the Gatling guns echoed amongst the mesas.
amongst sounds off here. Among does too...around, perhaps? Or throughout?
*Soni closed her eyes and then (opened them and) watched the majority of the Los Zetas continue forward.
*
"I doubt it. He's on some beach living a life of leisure," Jim yelled his comment,(no , here I think) before returning to his post.
* carried the men who had air assaulted landed a few hundred yards behind the semi and joined the fight, protecting the young women cowered together.
Los Zetas continued firing at Soni, Tatiana, and Jim (,)who returned fire.
As usual, the closing line is a hook making the reader wonder what happens next...and where he took a bullet!
(Hope it's not serious..poor Jim)
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 08-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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I am off to make the corrections. Thank you for taking time to really edit.
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:-)
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Good chapter, my friend. Still having some problems concentrating, so trying to focus on what I know is well written. Take care, my friend~DEbbie
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Good chapter, my friend. Still having some problems concentrating, so trying to focus on what I know is well written. Take care, my friend~DEbbie
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from kiwijenny
I would give this a six if I had one left Barbara. It was so exciting
Typo
John watched one man aim it.....aim at it
Well written suspense and you left us with a twist....an oh no!
Jim took a bullet.
Well penned
God bless
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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I would give this a six if I had one left Barbara. It was so exciting
Typo
John watched one man aim it.....aim at it
Well written suspense and you left us with a twist....an oh no!
Jim took a bullet.
Well penned
God bless
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
-
Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I'm sure that at some point we are going to find out who and what Jim really is, but it sure has kept it interesting up until now with here a hint, there a hint, everywhere a hint hint. Thanks for another fun chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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I'm sure that at some point we are going to find out who and what Jim really is, but it sure has kept it interesting up until now with here a hint, there a hint, everywhere a hint hint. Thanks for another fun chapter. :-)
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Enjoyed the action of the chapter very much. The bear disappearing and reappearing was a nice touch. i did see any problem with your writing. Great job. Shirley
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Enjoyed the action of the chapter very much. The bear disappearing and reappearing was a nice touch. i did see any problem with your writing. Great job. Shirley
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from GracieAnn
Barbara, this installment is just the right length for the reviewer. So sorry for your troubles. I've been away and just dropped in. I found the dialogue interesting and plot quite original. Nice work. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Barbara, this installment is just the right length for the reviewer. So sorry for your troubles. I've been away and just dropped in. I found the dialogue interesting and plot quite original. Nice work. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from rmj09
The focus fighting off Los Zeta's.
The story line development Has the three prepare for the unslot of the Los Zeta's the Blackhawks arrive and Soni wanted to know how Jim knew they would arrive in time. The soldiers left the helicopters and landed behind Los Zeta's. The gang continued forward Soni shot one and Tatiana shot another and Jim was hit.
The hook was Jim shot endangering his life?
The suspense runs through from beginning to end with Jim shot.
The dialog shows the feelings of the three.
The narration shows the gang still coming forward what with tommy guns shooting at them from the helicopter and soldiers behind them as well as the three shooting at them.
...Jim watched one man aim (at) it...
Keep on writing.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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The focus fighting off Los Zeta's.
The story line development Has the three prepare for the unslot of the Los Zeta's the Blackhawks arrive and Soni wanted to know how Jim knew they would arrive in time. The soldiers left the helicopters and landed behind Los Zeta's. The gang continued forward Soni shot one and Tatiana shot another and Jim was hit.
The hook was Jim shot endangering his life?
The suspense runs through from beginning to end with Jim shot.
The dialog shows the feelings of the three.
The narration shows the gang still coming forward what with tommy guns shooting at them from the helicopter and soldiers behind them as well as the three shooting at them.
...Jim watched one man aim (at) it...
Keep on writing.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
-
Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
