Comment from N.K. Wagner

Exceptional

Absolutely beautiful, Steve. Your lines sing. In the third stanza I might end the penultimate line with "fields." I got caught up in the rhythm and it seemed to falter there. I really love the imagery. :) Nancy

 Comment Written 03-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015

Thanks, Nancy.

I actually found myself a bit bogged down in this. I loved the idea of the two contrasting voices and I wanted to make the gypsy temptress more lyrical and rhythmical, and the solid country boy more plain. Then I got worried that too much rhythm would disqualify it as free verse, but I couldn't let go of the meter in my head. Nor could I come up with an ending that truly satisfied me.... Maybe it's one to re-visit some time...

Steve

Comment from Jackarrie

Excellent

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this very unusual free verse poem. The presentation is superb. Using the two fonts was very effective to distinguish the two involved. I also love your use of the English language in entertaining phrases.

I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Mary

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015

Thanks, Mary.

Like many of my poems, this took off in quite a different direction from what I had planned!

Steve

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Tonight you wear windsong,
the shawl of the wayward ones,
swirling and dancing to tunes not yet sung.
Sweet magic flickers from fingers
whispering mysteries,
histories,
tragedies,
comedies...
Well done. I like this free verse
God bless

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015

Thanks, jenny!

Steve

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

Oh,my word...assonance,consonance,alliteration. I have only seen in the last couple of days very good entries for this contest, now I am more sure |I would not like to judge this contest. It will be very difficult indeed.

This, my friend, whoever you are is worth another six stars. As apologist to another, I have none. Such a shame as this is also worth.

Elizabethan to the point of Macbeth...that tells you how much I rate this.

You have done a marvelous job, poet. I salute you. Its not easy to mess with the ways of old, but you have done an excellent job. I am a lover of Elizabethan poetry,and it figures (lightly) throughout my work....some more than others. You either can or can't...you can.

Good luck.
RGstar

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015

Thanks so much for the extremely kind words and the virtual six.

Steve

Comment from Neonewman

Excellent

I enjoyed the artwork you have chosen to accompany this wonderfully crafted piece. I particularly enjoyed "My rivers lie deep
in the heart of the fertile soil,
forefathers' bones are the bed where I lie."
Brilliant statement!
God bless!
Steve

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from Benjamin Valencia

Excellent

Hi, I liked how you merged the plight of a gypsy into this work. Traveling the open roads and comprehending the whole of nature seeing nature as a mirror into how it sees us in return. Cheers.

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from MacMhuirich

Excellent

This is really quite a brilliant read. I like the way you have used the different fonts for different voices. The imagery is strong within the words:-
those oaken roots from
cloying soil,
to dance with me
across the hillside's brow
Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2015

John, thanks for the kind comments. I am a bit like a fish out of water with this kind of verse, so it is good to hear you enjoyed it.

Steve

Comment from Eric1

Excellent

Hi Steve, this is an excellent entry for this particular competition, a beautifully written free verse poem with wonderful use of description and imagery that should take it high, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2015

Thanks, Eric.

Steve

Comment from I am Cat

Excellent

Hello Steve,
This is a fascinating poem you have here...
you had me truly wanting two distinct voices...
I'm not completely sure I believed they were
a totally different sex... but maybe i'm reading the poem
wrong, and you weren't supposed to be? (but I don't think so)
...
Let me tell you what I was thinking...

you drew me so far into it... I WANTED to write the
willowing words of the windsong...
(like a Weeping Willow where I come from)
as I'm not sure exactly what a windsong is..
my computer won't recognize it,
and when I google it... I get nothing... so I went with the literal meaning...
the song of the wind through the trees...
and it reminded me of a spirit of a gypsy in the leaves of the trees...
I'm not sure if you've ever read any of my oak and willow poems, but that sort of thing... like, the oak is mighty and never sways...
the willow waves and sways in the wind.. .
I always see her as feminine and him as masculine and there's a sort of give and take and a partnership...

anyway... you made me want to write the entire right side of the poem WITH you...
I found that interesting... LOL
you're probably thinking, well! How DARE she!
But I truly see that as a compliment, because you MADE me want to be part of it...
and so, I felt like I was the gypsy tree... the windsong...
(does that make sense?)

and the entire right side of the poem feels feminine... (but not as feminine as I sort of wanted to believe it, just because I know you're a man) ;)
see? lol

anyway... it made me want to be part of the story, I guess? (which I think is part of the charm and beauty of poetry.)

It's beautiful, and I found the layout truly unique, and once again, you bring someone completely interesting and thought provoking to the table, which I find fascinating. ;)
Good luck in the contest!

Thanks for that.
Cat

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2015

As is common with my poems, this one developed in a totally different direction once I got into it - the idea of two voices was not what I started with. In a way, the male/female aspect was not that important, compared to the other contrasts between these two, but yes, I did see the gypsy as female.

Good to hear you felt drawn in - maybe the ultimate compliment!

Truth to tell, this poem defeated me and I have ended up posting something I am not at all satisfied with, having scribbled some kind of ending, because I couldn't think of anything better. I hate that - for me the ending is always the most important.

Sad, because I thought the idea was a good one and I kinda liked the solid old oak rejecting the temptations of the wild-at-heart gypsy...

. Not expecting too much with this one, although a couple of good reviewers have liked it. Surprised to see what is leading the early voting - I actually found that the weakest of the whole interesting bunch...

Steve

Comment from lightink

Excellent

Now, you surprised me, Stev! I didn't expect to see your work here! But it was tye most pleasant surprise! This is an absolutely astonishing dialogue, between the forces of nature/or two people with vey different temperament! Lyrical, with an ancient charm! I wish I had a six stars left! This week started out very strong!
Good luck at the contest!

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2015

Thanks for the kind words.

Surprised because I don't write much free verse? I'm trying to get the hang of it, although I don't think this is my best...

I believe you have a horse in this race, too.

Steve

reply by lightink on 01-Oct-2015

Right, I never read a free verse from you, but I like it!
Also, wrote my very first one for this contest. It's not going to be my favorite form though...