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Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Biker Bitch"A collection of my most popular FanStory tales
15 total reviews
Comment from Joyce Long
Very well done. Story develops well. The grapevine reveals a lot of information. Glad Mary knew where to go to find Hunter.
It is good Mary has her gang behind her. Everyone needs a leader, but why is Mary there leader?
I didn't see any errors or corrections to be made.
Just ordinary people/bikers. Would they really pull someone to their death?
Very interesting. Keep up the good work.
Joyce 9-22-15
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Very well done. Story develops well. The grapevine reveals a lot of information. Glad Mary knew where to go to find Hunter.
It is good Mary has her gang behind her. Everyone needs a leader, but why is Mary there leader?
I didn't see any errors or corrections to be made.
Just ordinary people/bikers. Would they really pull someone to their death?
Very interesting. Keep up the good work.
Joyce 9-22-15
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. an interesting writing prompt, odd twist to the usual.
I liked you voice in this and the rather tongue in check repition of them being peace loving.
yup, it all depends on the yard stick you use.
padumachitta
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Hi. an interesting writing prompt, odd twist to the usual.
I liked you voice in this and the rather tongue in check repition of them being peace loving.
yup, it all depends on the yard stick you use.
padumachitta
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from MissMerri
This is easy to follow and impossible to stop reading until the end. There is lots of action and an abundance of strong verbs that keep the story moving swiftly. Mary is a believable character and it is easy to imagine such a mama stopping at nothing to get her baby back. The only part that confused me a little was the bartender telling the group that the ex had planned to sell Hunter to a couple. Evidently he hadn't gotten to that point yet? Hunter was still with his daddy. I would explain that more I think, but all else was clear and understandable. Good luck in this contest.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
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This is easy to follow and impossible to stop reading until the end. There is lots of action and an abundance of strong verbs that keep the story moving swiftly. Mary is a believable character and it is easy to imagine such a mama stopping at nothing to get her baby back. The only part that confused me a little was the bartender telling the group that the ex had planned to sell Hunter to a couple. Evidently he hadn't gotten to that point yet? Hunter was still with his daddy. I would explain that more I think, but all else was clear and understandable. Good luck in this contest.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from david28
Great story with a strong main character and straight to the point. I particularly like the opening paragraphs with the sentence- Mary will tell you she fell more in love with his bike than she ever cared about him- being one of my favourites. Although Her ex-old man had quietly skipped town- could just say ex and You got one half split second to give me Hunter! could be cut to give me Hunter now or something similar.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
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Great story with a strong main character and straight to the point. I particularly like the opening paragraphs with the sentence- Mary will tell you she fell more in love with his bike than she ever cared about him- being one of my favourites. Although Her ex-old man had quietly skipped town- could just say ex and You got one half split second to give me Hunter! could be cut to give me Hunter now or something similar.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from ellie6
Retribution. that's what it was all about. You don't mess with a biking Mama. I bet her ex won't go kidnapping again - he won't be going anywhere very soon.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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Retribution. that's what it was all about. You don't mess with a biking Mama. I bet her ex won't go kidnapping again - he won't be going anywhere very soon.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hi, That's right. Hell definitely has no fury over woman scorned. I liked the protective aura here in this write. It was fast and furious and represents what the character would do in such a circumstance. This is authentic. Cheers.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
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Hi, That's right. Hell definitely has no fury over woman scorned. I liked the protective aura here in this write. It was fast and furious and represents what the character would do in such a circumstance. This is authentic. Cheers.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this story about the mother that put her son above everything else, I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2015
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this is an excellent write, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this story about the mother that put her son above everything else, I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 16-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them indeed. Glad you enjoyed this little story.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello,
A very interesting story about one angry mom and the way she got her baby back. I don't understand why the bar was trashed. Good job though.
~gypsy
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2015
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Hello,
A very interesting story about one angry mom and the way she got her baby back. I don't understand why the bar was trashed. Good job though.
~gypsy
Comment Written 16-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2015
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Just for the fun of it. What else would a motorcycle gang do for action? Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from doggymad
Excellent write, fast and bursting with energy. Love some of the phrases you used.
I am not sure if I read this right, but you say Mary's ex had done time for meddling with little boys. This negates the court order, it would never have been granted, at least the law here does not permit it
Freda
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2015
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Excellent write, fast and bursting with energy. Love some of the phrases you used.
I am not sure if I read this right, but you say Mary's ex had done time for meddling with little boys. This negates the court order, it would never have been granted, at least the law here does not permit it
Freda
Comment Written 15-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from barkingdog
Great take on this prompt. Don't make mama bear angry. lol
I'd have killed the husband, too. But to drag him chained behind a Harley is fantastic.
Great dialogue and descriptions.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2015
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Great take on this prompt. Don't make mama bear angry. lol
I'd have killed the husband, too. But to drag him chained behind a Harley is fantastic.
Great dialogue and descriptions.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated. What else would you do to someone who would sell their own baby for 10,000?
