The Sting
Rhyme scheme after a poem by Oscar Wilde21 total reviews
Comment from Aussie
A very clever and interesting poem cantered around the humble bee. Very tastefully written and finally the demise of the bee. To be or not to be, that is the question. LOL
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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A very clever and interesting poem cantered around the humble bee. Very tastefully written and finally the demise of the bee. To be or not to be, that is the question. LOL
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Aussie. I appreciate your kind review and the six stars. I am happy to be able to answer 'To be', for the bee survived. It was the cut flower that perished.
Comment from IndianaIrish
Tony, I wish I could give this a one-word review ... WOW! Oh my, this is truly outstanding poetry. Of course your rhyming, flow, alliteration, and enjambment are all perfect, but it's your incredible description of the bee and flower that truly had me amazed. I loved the depth of the play on words and possibilities of the emotional power in the words. Exceptional.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Tony, I wish I could give this a one-word review ... WOW! Oh my, this is truly outstanding poetry. Of course your rhyming, flow, alliteration, and enjambment are all perfect, but it's your incredible description of the bee and flower that truly had me amazed. I loved the depth of the play on words and possibilities of the emotional power in the words. Exceptional.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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So nice to hear from you, Karyn, and to receive such a glowing, star-studded review. I was especially delighted that you appreciated the possibilities of deeper meaning beyond the cottage garden. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
This is the most amazing poem. The love between the bee and the flower. Personification it isn't. It is the opposite "etymologification" perhaps only that is too horrible a word to attach to this poem. The imagery is fantastic, beautiful, erotic and realistic. I have never seen anything like it. I am just so glad I have a six for this.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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This is the most amazing poem. The love between the bee and the flower. Personification it isn't. It is the opposite "etymologification" perhaps only that is too horrible a word to attach to this poem. The imagery is fantastic, beautiful, erotic and realistic. I have never seen anything like it. I am just so glad I have a six for this.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Jim. Six stars coming from you means more to me than they do coming from most people. I came across Oscar Wilde's poem "Her Voice" recently and thought I'd have a go at emulating its structure - though the poems swiftly diverged in terms of content...
The wild bee reels from bough to bough
With his furry coat and his gauzy wing.
Now in a lily-cup, and now
Setting a jacinth bell a-swing,
In his wandering;
Sit closer love: it was here I trow
I made that vow,
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Yours is more subtle!
Comment from rama devi
WOW. Awesome work, my friend. The musicality is SOOOOO rich in nuance with all those poetic devices so deftly woven in (too many to list) and the excellent flow of phrasing...smooth as silk...that reading this aloud is utterly delicious (and I did so thrice).
That alone is enough to garner a six, but this has another marvelous and remarkable aspect--the long extended and multilevel metaphor...absolutely brilliant! Standing ovation!
My only suggestion is one comma here (optional):
Too late(,) I came upon that placement
Especially loved these lines:
side-slipping, sipping, life carousing,
strewing gardens with delight,
wings spread in sunshine, softly drowsing,
you espousing,
as I lingered, drinking light,
and
spreading stamens of desire
when you heard another voice pray
with subtle tempting words of fire.
He was a liar
This I applaud your subtlety in these erotic lines with double meaning:
to light upon the labial lips,
taking sips
of honeyed dreams, upon a sea
of ecstasy.
Sad ending to the story...so eloquently portrayed. Fantastic title choice!
Bravo
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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WOW. Awesome work, my friend. The musicality is SOOOOO rich in nuance with all those poetic devices so deftly woven in (too many to list) and the excellent flow of phrasing...smooth as silk...that reading this aloud is utterly delicious (and I did so thrice).
That alone is enough to garner a six, but this has another marvelous and remarkable aspect--the long extended and multilevel metaphor...absolutely brilliant! Standing ovation!
My only suggestion is one comma here (optional):
Too late(,) I came upon that placement
Especially loved these lines:
side-slipping, sipping, life carousing,
strewing gardens with delight,
wings spread in sunshine, softly drowsing,
you espousing,
as I lingered, drinking light,
and
spreading stamens of desire
when you heard another voice pray
with subtle tempting words of fire.
He was a liar
This I applaud your subtlety in these erotic lines with double meaning:
to light upon the labial lips,
taking sips
of honeyed dreams, upon a sea
of ecstasy.
Sad ending to the story...so eloquently portrayed. Fantastic title choice!
Bravo
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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I always feel that I have earned six stars when awarded by you, Nina! I am especially delighted that you found the rhythm smooth. It was loosely modelled on Oscar Wilde's poem, "Her Voice", that starts:
"The wild bee reels from bough to bough
With his furry coat and his gauzy wing.
Now in a lily-cup, and now
Setting a jacinth bell a-swing,
In his wandering;
Sit closer love: it was here I trow
I made that vow,"
It was also confirming to find that you appreciated those parts of the poem with which I was most at ease. I am often reluctant to follow the advice I was once given, to re-read and cut out the bits you were most proud of when you penned them... on the basis that what is left is usually the better for it!
On the off-chance that you might review, I was especially careful to edit for commas! I can see the grammatical justification for separating the adverbial 'too late', but I'm not sure that I really want to direct the reader to pause either for dramatic effect or for breath at this point. I shall have to think about it and read the verse aloud a few more times, both ways.
Best wishes, Tony
p.s. Glad you appreciated the title! I thought it might appeal to American moviegoers! No-one else has picked up on it yet!
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HOw wonderful this models after Oscar W's work...fine example! Thanks for your gracious response to my review, my friend.
Glad my potential reviews keep your muse's quills sharp and focused! Ha ha ha! IN poetry, commas are more for those breaths and pauses than for grammar...so please follow your muses whim and wish on that!
Warmest Smiles, rd
Comment from PoemsOfDD
A poem very well written. I especially liked the descriptive form in the first stanza but every one that followed is just as delightful. The artwork attached is a good choice to enhance the feel of the poem. Well done and thank you very much for sharing your poem.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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A poem very well written. I especially liked the descriptive form in the first stanza but every one that followed is just as delightful. The artwork attached is a good choice to enhance the feel of the poem. Well done and thank you very much for sharing your poem.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Thank you for your kind review, DD. Appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from JCarriger
Excellent poem of an imaginative bee - never thought a bee might think of flower ownership. How to see a bouquet behind the glass would a bee feel that the cutting is such a criminal waste. Brought a smile.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Excellent poem of an imaginative bee - never thought a bee might think of flower ownership. How to see a bouquet behind the glass would a bee feel that the cutting is such a criminal waste. Brought a smile.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Thank you for your kind review, JC. Appreciated. We bees often feel we own what is not ours. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Just2Write
Oh, Tony - the ecstasy and the fall - This has it all. The wonton lover, who lost his way - who lost at love and felt betrayed when his lovely maiden was deflowered.
The tragedy, the loss. The ode to love as spoken by the humble bee.
We feel his unrequited love, and how hard it was, when she discovered far too late that he was the truest one of all.
Loved this - and I loved your rhyme and meter. It's so wonderful to read a poet that knows how to write with something other than iambic measure.
Rose.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Oh, Tony - the ecstasy and the fall - This has it all. The wonton lover, who lost his way - who lost at love and felt betrayed when his lovely maiden was deflowered.
The tragedy, the loss. The ode to love as spoken by the humble bee.
We feel his unrequited love, and how hard it was, when she discovered far too late that he was the truest one of all.
Loved this - and I loved your rhyme and meter. It's so wonderful to read a poet that knows how to write with something other than iambic measure.
Rose.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Such a delight, Rose, when someone nails the intended meaning of a poem, as you so often do. Six stars and praise mean much coming from you. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from lightink
A rare perfection. It took me quite a few consultation with the dictionary to decipher the delicate ending wrapped in a rich vocabulary! My only excuse is that English is not my first language ;).
Anyways, the passionate nature scenes are the most captivating I ever read in English! Passion and innocence speaks from a humble bee (bumblebee ? - I love the word play) longing for the flower lover, whose life ended in the hands of an uncaring human. There are so many things layered on each other I can barely fit them into a single review!
The title: sting: the hurtful betrayal of the flower, the cruel action of the human, the unwritten outcome -as revenge! Fantastic choice!
The overwhelming beauty of the images, the clever wording, the excellent and fascinating form all add up to rare beauty.
The Romeo and Juliette written with flowers and bees :) - ill-fated lovers from different worlds who might both die by the end (stinging the human could be a suicide from the bee)
Also, is it really about a flower and a bee - or two human lovers?
Exceptional poem!
Thank you for honoring us with it!
If I could give you seven stars I would!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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A rare perfection. It took me quite a few consultation with the dictionary to decipher the delicate ending wrapped in a rich vocabulary! My only excuse is that English is not my first language ;).
Anyways, the passionate nature scenes are the most captivating I ever read in English! Passion and innocence speaks from a humble bee (bumblebee ? - I love the word play) longing for the flower lover, whose life ended in the hands of an uncaring human. There are so many things layered on each other I can barely fit them into a single review!
The title: sting: the hurtful betrayal of the flower, the cruel action of the human, the unwritten outcome -as revenge! Fantastic choice!
The overwhelming beauty of the images, the clever wording, the excellent and fascinating form all add up to rare beauty.
The Romeo and Juliette written with flowers and bees :) - ill-fated lovers from different worlds who might both die by the end (stinging the human could be a suicide from the bee)
Also, is it really about a flower and a bee - or two human lovers?
Exceptional poem!
Thank you for honoring us with it!
If I could give you seven stars I would!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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What a wonderful review, so full of the meaning that I was attempting to convey. I was aiming at a depth beyond bee and flower, as you suggest, and using them both as a metaphor for the sometimes tragic relationship between human lovers. The bumblebee is actually called a humblebee in some dialects, so that was an easy step to take! I'm delighted that you liked this enough to award it six stars and to bookcase it.
Comment from poetadeu
Your metaphor is either the bee who's on a drunken flight
or it's you who is. Let me use the bumble bee as it is
appropriate that behaves in this manner, where is not
really for a human to. In my mind I see a bee flitting
about in a garden of flowers sucking down nectar as he
hits each one while on his quest. The art is gorgeous and the write is very visual...good imagery.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Your metaphor is either the bee who's on a drunken flight
or it's you who is. Let me use the bumble bee as it is
appropriate that behaves in this manner, where is not
really for a human to. In my mind I see a bee flitting
about in a garden of flowers sucking down nectar as he
hits each one while on his quest. The art is gorgeous and the write is very visual...good imagery.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Thank you kindly for your review, poetadeu. As you correctly surmise, having been for some time a professional aviator, I have always been careful to avoid drunken flight!
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You are a smart driver...enjoyed your
write and thank you! ::}}-Joyce
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You are a smart driver...enjoyed your
write and thank you! ::}}-Joyce
Comment from watergirl
This poem is wonderful. I don't fully understand it but I can't help but give you a six. It is full of mysteries and flashes of insight from another world, another dimension that hides behind ours; there and yet not often seen. The abasement, the liar, the crudity, in place of your honouring love is reason for sadness and tragedy indeed.
Wonderful.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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This poem is wonderful. I don't fully understand it but I can't help but give you a six. It is full of mysteries and flashes of insight from another world, another dimension that hides behind ours; there and yet not often seen. The abasement, the liar, the crudity, in place of your honouring love is reason for sadness and tragedy indeed.
Wonderful.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Thank you so much, watergirl. I am so glad that this poem spoke to you, even if as through a glass darkly.
