The Elusive Metaphor
A Villanelle28 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
I love poems with repeating lines and the Villanelle is at the top of my list. Great work with this one and a terrific entry for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best in the contest too.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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I love poems with repeating lines and the Villanelle is at the top of my list. Great work with this one and a terrific entry for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best in the contest too.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Thanks, sasha.
Steve
Comment from I am Cat
Damn DAmn Damn, Out damn Bird! Out!
I know why the caged bird sings as well... But hell,
Mine just SQUAWKS!
and I know why Maya won't go into the cage...
Because birds are messy! Damn messy!
;)
Well done Steve, and yet another reason why I'm just not going to even
enter my Villanelle... I wrote it weeks ago, and it just proves and solidifies my stance on free verse for myself!
Let the rest battle it out.. .I just cannot do this thing called iambic pentameter or any other meter, for that matter (;)
though metaphor, I'm for! ;)
and all the other poetic devices, which you've covered quite nicely, by the way...
your repeating lines are lovely and your references to other poets before you and all the birds which have been caged before and 'met' afore...
lol... perfection!
Good luck with the committee... I'm OUT of this one!
I'm like CATrick Henry... "Give me Free Verse, or give me death!" LOL
Well done, Steve, I"m truly in awe!
I genuflect at your... metaphorical feet. ;)
Cat
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Damn DAmn Damn, Out damn Bird! Out!
I know why the caged bird sings as well... But hell,
Mine just SQUAWKS!
and I know why Maya won't go into the cage...
Because birds are messy! Damn messy!
;)
Well done Steve, and yet another reason why I'm just not going to even
enter my Villanelle... I wrote it weeks ago, and it just proves and solidifies my stance on free verse for myself!
Let the rest battle it out.. .I just cannot do this thing called iambic pentameter or any other meter, for that matter (;)
though metaphor, I'm for! ;)
and all the other poetic devices, which you've covered quite nicely, by the way...
your repeating lines are lovely and your references to other poets before you and all the birds which have been caged before and 'met' afore...
lol... perfection!
Good luck with the committee... I'm OUT of this one!
I'm like CATrick Henry... "Give me Free Verse, or give me death!" LOL
Well done, Steve, I"m truly in awe!
I genuflect at your... metaphorical feet. ;)
Cat
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Thanks for yet another fun Cat review!
Steve
Comment from Mark Valentine
I think you got Angelou in that first stanza. What a great and original piece. It slips so nicely into the villanelle form you'd think the form was custom made for this poem. While it's tongue-in-cheek, it captures a real phenomenon that we've probably all experienced - having a great idea only to realize it's already been done.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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I think you got Angelou in that first stanza. What a great and original piece. It slips so nicely into the villanelle form you'd think the form was custom made for this poem. While it's tongue-in-cheek, it captures a real phenomenon that we've probably all experienced - having a great idea only to realize it's already been done.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Thanks, mark. i had a bit of fun with this, but it seems the voters may prefer something a little more serious....
Steve
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, kiwisteveh, you did an excellent job writing this villanelle poem about the way there's nothing new under the sun. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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this is an excellent write, kiwisteveh, you did an excellent job writing this villanelle poem about the way there's nothing new under the sun. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Adri7enne
"but t'as a raven, nothing more," LOL! That darned, elusive metaphor!. I really enjoyed this display of erudition and humor. Good luck with this chuckle-worthy little poem. Well done, Steve!
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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"but t'as a raven, nothing more," LOL! That darned, elusive metaphor!. I really enjoyed this display of erudition and humor. Good luck with this chuckle-worthy little poem. Well done, Steve!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Adrienne. I think some of these slightly tricky forms adapt well to humorous treatment. seems the voters don't entirely agree!
Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
Sure! Thanks to your gratuitous notes, I have no way to prove to you how astute I am! Spoil sport!
I love this poem--and the inevitable conclusion that all birds have already been written.
Excellent form and flowing syntax.
I suspect you had fun with this one, Steve.
Best of luck with The Committee.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Sure! Thanks to your gratuitous notes, I have no way to prove to you how astute I am! Spoil sport!
I love this poem--and the inevitable conclusion that all birds have already been written.
Excellent form and flowing syntax.
I suspect you had fun with this one, Steve.
Best of luck with The Committee.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Lee.
Someone has suggested hamsters - seems they have never been metaphorically utilised....
Steve
Comment from kiwijenny
Well done Steve..I love that you thought you'd caught a metaphor.
Your muse is a bird...mine is a one celled Irish guy called Rick O 'Shea
He bounced up my nose one day...and creates havoc I can tell you.
Well done
I loved this
God bless
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Well done Steve..I love that you thought you'd caught a metaphor.
Your muse is a bird...mine is a one celled Irish guy called Rick O 'Shea
He bounced up my nose one day...and creates havoc I can tell you.
Well done
I loved this
God bless
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Jenny - not sure I'd tolerate an Irishman up my nose, but each to his/her own, I suppose!
Steve
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It can be a wee bit frustrating especially when he calls me an eejit but then I just sneeze him out until he behaves. Lol
Comment from rama devi
Love your author's notes with references to great poets who preceded us. Maya Anglou knows why the caged bird sings, so she won't go in the cage: Witty one! Ha ha ha.
Villanelles are no joke to write...you did a brilliant job with a witty subtlety, fine tribute references, and excellent pacing and cadenced flow...and what fine rhymes. Especially loved metaphor and before. nice touches of alliteration, like R and B in firs stanza, W and M in second,
Good metaphorical imagery choices. I really like this unique one:
The albatross of sailors' lore
'cross oceans vast, holds centre stage.
Like how you summed up a few more:
The lark, the owl, the swan and more
have served their turn upon the page.
served and turn...nice near-assonance of E and U. Upon the page..nice consonance of P
Great repeating lines:
I thought I'd caught a metaphor.
Alas, that bird's been penned before.
All those phonetics, deftly scribed with musical effect but without sounding contrived, plus the originality of this write combine with the masterful crafting to nudge this to a six.
Bravo
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Love your author's notes with references to great poets who preceded us. Maya Anglou knows why the caged bird sings, so she won't go in the cage: Witty one! Ha ha ha.
Villanelles are no joke to write...you did a brilliant job with a witty subtlety, fine tribute references, and excellent pacing and cadenced flow...and what fine rhymes. Especially loved metaphor and before. nice touches of alliteration, like R and B in firs stanza, W and M in second,
Good metaphorical imagery choices. I really like this unique one:
The albatross of sailors' lore
'cross oceans vast, holds centre stage.
Like how you summed up a few more:
The lark, the owl, the swan and more
have served their turn upon the page.
served and turn...nice near-assonance of E and U. Upon the page..nice consonance of P
Great repeating lines:
I thought I'd caught a metaphor.
Alas, that bird's been penned before.
All those phonetics, deftly scribed with musical effect but without sounding contrived, plus the originality of this write combine with the masterful crafting to nudge this to a six.
Bravo
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Rama, for the six stars, of course, and the usual thorough review. I did have fun writing this - the form seems suited to humour, I think, although not everyone agrees!
Steve
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Yep! :-))))
