The Quest
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Quest Part Three"Finding My Roots
36 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
I applaud your use of the summary at the beginning. It helps the new reader, but also someone like me who has missed a few chapters. You have a very easy, conversational style, Ulla.
and we all lifted our glasses, when Tommy said. [You need either a colon here instead of a period, or preferably, start a new paragraph with 'We all lifted our glasses, when Tommy said, "So tell us, how did you get on with Grethe today?"']
Bente smiled at me. [Just throwing out a few suggestions. Consider getting rid of "at me". We've already been set up that Bente asked her a question.]
I managed to say: [I believe this is the fourth time you used "managed" in this fashion. I only mention it because sometimes we don't hear our own repetitions.]
Overall an excellent chapter, Ulla.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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I applaud your use of the summary at the beginning. It helps the new reader, but also someone like me who has missed a few chapters. You have a very easy, conversational style, Ulla.
and we all lifted our glasses, when Tommy said. [You need either a colon here instead of a period, or preferably, start a new paragraph with 'We all lifted our glasses, when Tommy said, "So tell us, how did you get on with Grethe today?"']
Bente smiled at me. [Just throwing out a few suggestions. Consider getting rid of "at me". We've already been set up that Bente asked her a question.]
I managed to say: [I believe this is the fourth time you used "managed" in this fashion. I only mention it because sometimes we don't hear our own repetitions.]
Overall an excellent chapter, Ulla.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Jay, thank you so much for your thorough review. I have made the changes and got rid of a few 'managed'. You are so right. At times Ireview and review and I still don't see the obvious. I am glad you like it otherwise. All best. Ulla
Comment from Naxsc
Great continuation. As usual, I enjoyed reading your flow. Your writing has that humane factor not many can tap into. It was well constructed and not many grammatical errors I could find of.
A few I did notice though are :
This is a punctuation error...
I wrote down her e-mail address, and we hung up.
My opinion is that the comma between address & and could be avoided as and in itself is a connecting word.
my last thoughts before I fell asleep was that tomorrow ~ my last thoughts were
Other than that it was a blast.
Keep writing more!
All the best!
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Great continuation. As usual, I enjoyed reading your flow. Your writing has that humane factor not many can tap into. It was well constructed and not many grammatical errors I could find of.
A few I did notice though are :
This is a punctuation error...
I wrote down her e-mail address, and we hung up.
My opinion is that the comma between address & and could be avoided as and in itself is a connecting word.
my last thoughts before I fell asleep was that tomorrow ~ my last thoughts were
Other than that it was a blast.
Keep writing more!
All the best!
Comment Written 04-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Hi, Thank you so much for great review, and your praise. I have corrected as you are so right. Amazing I didn't notice myself after all the reviewing I've done. All best. Ulla
Comment from abbasjoy
What a beautiful story and how excited you must have felt knowing that someone, who had the ability to shorten your search for your mother, was actually willing to assist.
That was very nice of Bente, you two seem to get along well, despite being your ex-husband's wife. Not many relationships like that are so welcoming. To think she was the one to give you the connection to Marianne, who could be such a big help in your search.
I am so looking forward to hearing what she finds.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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What a beautiful story and how excited you must have felt knowing that someone, who had the ability to shorten your search for your mother, was actually willing to assist.
That was very nice of Bente, you two seem to get along well, despite being your ex-husband's wife. Not many relationships like that are so welcoming. To think she was the one to give you the connection to Marianne, who could be such a big help in your search.
I am so looking forward to hearing what she finds.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Hi, Thank you so much for your very encouraging. I am so glad that you liked it. Next chapter is to be posted soon. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Christof McTarnahan
What a wonderful story. It is good to read a competent author that can paint a word picture so well. I felt your emotions and enjoyed the ride. I will definitely be back for more.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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What a wonderful story. It is good to read a competent author that can paint a word picture so well. I felt your emotions and enjoyed the ride. I will definitely be back for more.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Oh, what a lovely review and so much compliment. I really appreciate it. Thanks ever so much. All the best. Ulla
Comment from godlucifer
the story was amusing especially you telling about your life. mostly readers like to hear about a person's life. yours was interesting because there seem to be clues in your life and you had to solve those clues. your story was amuse and well written. i enjoyed n reading your story. thanks for the read. "your so vein" means mood or humor.
your so vein
godlucifer
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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the story was amusing especially you telling about your life. mostly readers like to hear about a person's life. yours was interesting because there seem to be clues in your life and you had to solve those clues. your story was amuse and well written. i enjoyed n reading your story. thanks for the read. "your so vein" means mood or humor.
your so vein
godlucifer
Comment Written 04-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Thank you very much. Ulla
Comment from robina1978
Again a great photo that complements this chapter perfectly. You did not find your birth mother in Denmark yet. You did meet your ex-husband with wife and daughter. He offered to help you with the search, as he knows someone that can trace foreigners. She gets her call before she flew back to Scotland.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Again a great photo that complements this chapter perfectly. You did not find your birth mother in Denmark yet. You did meet your ex-husband with wife and daughter. He offered to help you with the search, as he knows someone that can trace foreigners. She gets her call before she flew back to Scotland.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Thank you very much for your review. Ulla
Comment from Pantygynt
Although I am new to your story I was quickly captivated by it. I reads more like fiction than an autobiographical account. By that I don't mean that it is in any way unbelievable, but it lacks that dry and clinical approach that typies much autobiography. This moves like an adventureture story and you have inspired me to want to know the outcome just as much as you do. That has to be indicative of a good writing style.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Although I am new to your story I was quickly captivated by it. I reads more like fiction than an autobiographical account. By that I don't mean that it is in any way unbelievable, but it lacks that dry and clinical approach that typies much autobiography. This moves like an adventureture story and you have inspired me to want to know the outcome just as much as you do. That has to be indicative of a good writing style.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Thank you very much for your review. I am happy that you want to follow my personal story. I have chosen this format to try to make it less boring, and it is as it actually happened. Ulla
Comment from Tessa Kay
Hi Ulla,
I enjoyed following you on your quest for your Mom. You have a lot of attention to detail and the story is developed logically and is easy to follow. I noticed a few things you could have a look at. I hope, it'll be of some help.
-and then proceeded to greet her father and his wife. - a bit wordy. You can tighten that up a bit. 'Then' and 'proceed' have the same meaning. I would make a new sentence and just say 'Then I greeted her father and his wife'.
-And I sat down joining Amelie and Tommy's wife Bente - careful with the -ing form. Try to use that as little as possible. Here, you can simply say I sat down next to... (see below for explanation)
-and we all lifted our glasses cheering. - ~Sentence sounds better without the cheering at the end. Cheering has the meaning of shouting with joy. I don't think that's what you mean.
-Turning towards me, Tommy looked at me expectantly. - You don't need the 'turning towards me'. That is already implied in the next part of the sentence.
Again with the -ing form: If it is not part of a continuous tense e.g. is going, was sitting, it is used to show simultaneous action, i.e. two things happening at the same time. For example: Watching him, she smiled or running through the grass, he felt great. But generally, things happen one after the other, not simultaneously. Like if you write: Turning towards me, Tommy looked at me' it would mean that he looked at the same time as turning. A more extreme example would be: She jumped out of bed, running to the window. You couldn't possibly do those two things at the same time. So, whenever you use the -ing form, ask yourself, is it something that happens simultaneously? Otherwise, just use the normal past tense.
-You have a lot of people looking at somebody else. As they are all sitting together anyway, why not just say: ...,when Bente said:, and 'I leaned towards her, surprised.
-"What do you mean Bente? I uttered."Please, go on!" - "What do you mean Bente?" I asked (use said and ask rather than 'utter')-
-I could hear the smile in her voice. - nice observation, sets the scene.
-Sitting down again opposite my aunt, I explained what had just passed - she's probably first sitting down, then she explains, so just use the normal past tense. I sat down opposite my aunt and explained...
The misuse of the simultaneous -ing form is one of my pet hates, as you may have noticed (sorry, if I kept going on about it). But if you get the hang of this, your writing, as good is it is already, will improve even more.
Hope, any of this was of some help for you.
:)
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Hi Ulla,
I enjoyed following you on your quest for your Mom. You have a lot of attention to detail and the story is developed logically and is easy to follow. I noticed a few things you could have a look at. I hope, it'll be of some help.
-and then proceeded to greet her father and his wife. - a bit wordy. You can tighten that up a bit. 'Then' and 'proceed' have the same meaning. I would make a new sentence and just say 'Then I greeted her father and his wife'.
-And I sat down joining Amelie and Tommy's wife Bente - careful with the -ing form. Try to use that as little as possible. Here, you can simply say I sat down next to... (see below for explanation)
-and we all lifted our glasses cheering. - ~Sentence sounds better without the cheering at the end. Cheering has the meaning of shouting with joy. I don't think that's what you mean.
-Turning towards me, Tommy looked at me expectantly. - You don't need the 'turning towards me'. That is already implied in the next part of the sentence.
Again with the -ing form: If it is not part of a continuous tense e.g. is going, was sitting, it is used to show simultaneous action, i.e. two things happening at the same time. For example: Watching him, she smiled or running through the grass, he felt great. But generally, things happen one after the other, not simultaneously. Like if you write: Turning towards me, Tommy looked at me' it would mean that he looked at the same time as turning. A more extreme example would be: She jumped out of bed, running to the window. You couldn't possibly do those two things at the same time. So, whenever you use the -ing form, ask yourself, is it something that happens simultaneously? Otherwise, just use the normal past tense.
-You have a lot of people looking at somebody else. As they are all sitting together anyway, why not just say: ...,when Bente said:, and 'I leaned towards her, surprised.
-"What do you mean Bente? I uttered."Please, go on!" - "What do you mean Bente?" I asked (use said and ask rather than 'utter')-
-I could hear the smile in her voice. - nice observation, sets the scene.
-Sitting down again opposite my aunt, I explained what had just passed - she's probably first sitting down, then she explains, so just use the normal past tense. I sat down opposite my aunt and explained...
The misuse of the simultaneous -ing form is one of my pet hates, as you may have noticed (sorry, if I kept going on about it). But if you get the hang of this, your writing, as good is it is already, will improve even more.
Hope, any of this was of some help for you.
:)
Comment Written 04-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Hello Tessa, Yes it is a very helpful review and I will proceed to make corrections. I know that I am struggling with the -ing forms, but nobody has quite explained the linguistic/grammatical side of their use as clear, as you have just done. I am not making any excuse, but English is not my first language; however, that doesn't mean I don't want to write it correctly. I am working on improving all the time. All the best. Ulla
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I think you're already writing a lot better than many native English speakers on this site.
Thanks so much for the vote. And if you see something in my writing, pls feel free to point it out. Things I notice in other people's writing, I may never notice in my own.
What's the weather like in Spain? We have the stove on here, cause it's cold. Haven't had much of a summer, either. I bet, you don't have the same complaint.
:)
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Hi Tessa, thanks a lot for your complement. Where we live, on The Costa Blanca, it has been a very hot summer starting already in May, but August has been strange, much cooler than normal and even with some rain. Unheard of. We are having very fierce thunder storms at the moment but all that is to change back to normal on Sunday. We are still wearing summer clothes. I am sorry you are having such a cold summer. We have heard about it. All best. Ulla
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Ulla...
_ Another nice excerpt of your quest to find your birth mother.
_ Things seem to be falling into place.
_ Interesting how things evolve when we least expect doing something.
_ Nicely penned.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Hi, Ulla...
_ Another nice excerpt of your quest to find your birth mother.
_ Things seem to be falling into place.
_ Interesting how things evolve when we least expect doing something.
_ Nicely penned.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 04-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Thank you so much for a very encouraging review. I am glad you like it. Ulla
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Being adopted is not necessarily a bad thing. Know that from first hand experience. Well written story when an ending that makes readers ponder what will happen next. Easy to see why this is an All-Time Best achiever.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Being adopted is not necessarily a bad thing. Know that from first hand experience. Well written story when an ending that makes readers ponder what will happen next. Easy to see why this is an All-Time Best achiever.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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You are right it is not a bad thing at all. If you have read previous chapters you'd seen that i nevergaver gave my roots a thought being happy I didn't have to spent my life in an orphanage as I started out. Thanks again. Ulla
