Striking
tanka form26 total reviews
Comment from samsaysagain
Excellent. A fun post with a sense of humor. Bowling is a great sport and if the player takes the bitter with the sweet that happy moment when ten standing pins shake, then wiggle and WHAM! You've had your strike, you've had some fun. Who knows - might be the winning point for that league's pennant@
Probably possible to read a different theme into this picture and writing. Readers choice.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015
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Excellent. A fun post with a sense of humor. Bowling is a great sport and if the player takes the bitter with the sweet that happy moment when ten standing pins shake, then wiggle and WHAM! You've had your strike, you've had some fun. Who knows - might be the winning point for that league's pennant@
Probably possible to read a different theme into this picture and writing. Readers choice.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Sam, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from scd41
I just got bowled over. In my first read, it was all bowling alley with the matching picture. But on reading between lines, I was amused at the intelligent allusion to erotica. The best is X-tacy like X-rated sites.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015
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I just got bowled over. In my first read, it was all bowling alley with the matching picture. But on reading between lines, I was amused at the intelligent allusion to erotica. The best is X-tacy like X-rated sites.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015
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Thank you for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Debbie Noland
A fun poem that suggests a comparison between releasing a bowling ball and an erotic act. Clever use of language to achieve the double entendre throughout. The tanka syllable and
line count just add to the fun.,
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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A fun poem that suggests a comparison between releasing a bowling ball and an erotic act. Clever use of language to achieve the double entendre throughout. The tanka syllable and
line count just add to the fun.,
Comment Written 31-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Debbie, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from krys123
Bill;
-A brilliantly written imagination that is truly inventive and ingeniously, and practically creative. I would and never had that that a bowling ball would be so much of an ecstasy for a palm a thumb and two fingers but you have actually created a wondrously and necessity for a hands erotic behavior which is bowling.
- The picture in actuality is very relative, appropriate and complementary to the poem.
-Thank you so much for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Bill;
-A brilliantly written imagination that is truly inventive and ingeniously, and practically creative. I would and never had that that a bowling ball would be so much of an ecstasy for a palm a thumb and two fingers but you have actually created a wondrously and necessity for a hands erotic behavior which is bowling.
- The picture in actuality is very relative, appropriate and complementary to the poem.
-Thank you so much for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always
Comment Written 31-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Alex, for the excellent review. Bill
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You are so very welcome Bill
Comment from dmt1967
I am not sure what this poem is about, yet I find myself pondering the message I don't understand. This is well written and I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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I am not sure what this poem is about, yet I find myself pondering the message I don't understand. This is well written and I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Thank you for the reviewing. It's bowling with suggestive phrasing. Bill
Comment from Jay Squires
Spoken as a real practitioner of the art. There is nothing so fine as the release. Pure exstacy. Then you get to light up a cigarette and say, "I scored again." And with all my friends watching.
A fun poem, Bill.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Spoken as a real practitioner of the art. There is nothing so fine as the release. Pure exstacy. Then you get to light up a cigarette and say, "I scored again." And with all my friends watching.
A fun poem, Bill.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Thanks for giving this a look, Jay. I bring the gutter to bowling.
Comment from Pantygynt
It's a Tanka riddle really down at the bowling alley. The thing that used to get me about those places was the noise. It wasa like nothing else on earth the hollowness of the sound. I love the description of how the ball is held in your tanka.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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It's a Tanka riddle really down at the bowling alley. The thing that used to get me about those places was the noise. It wasa like nothing else on earth the hollowness of the sound. I love the description of how the ball is held in your tanka.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Thank you for giving this a look.
Comment from mbagby23
I enjoy blowing. I take my son and some of his friends from time to time. Last time we went I won the first game. Every time I hit a strike the kids are shock like I not any good. Great job. Love the picture and color choice for the words.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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I enjoy blowing. I take my son and some of his friends from time to time. Last time we went I won the first game. Every time I hit a strike the kids are shock like I not any good. Great job. Love the picture and color choice for the words.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Thank you for giving this a look.
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you're welcome
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
A perfect tanka Bill and although it does not look it, your lines are in order, 5/7/5/7/7. Well done, in so few words you have described the lead up to actually throwing the ball. Very good, not easy when describing something factual. Warm regards Dorothyx
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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A perfect tanka Bill and although it does not look it, your lines are in order, 5/7/5/7/7. Well done, in so few words you have described the lead up to actually throwing the ball. Very good, not easy when describing something factual. Warm regards Dorothyx
Comment Written 31-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Dorothy, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Just2Write
Hmmm - A different way to describe bowling, for sure. Kind of on the erotic side, which is what I think you were going for.
The syllable count for Tanka is correct -
but Tankas, which are an older form than Haiku generally use simile, (a figure of speech in which two unlike things are explicitly compared, as in "she is like a flower.")
metaphor (a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance "He is a prince among men" and
personification (the attribution of a personal nature or character to inanimate objects or abstract notions. "Trees laughing in the wind.") Tanka poems have been around for about 1200 years and are written about nature, seasons, love, sadness and other strong emotions..
The 3rd line should be a pivot line, which means it could be the last line of the poem if it were Haiku, and also work as the first line of the next three lines.
Poem 1:
Three fingers and thumb
penetrate with a dry palm
hold you -- take a walk
and
Poem 2:
hold you -- take a walk
then, with rapid advances
find release, and ... X- tacy
You might be able to do that by changing the word 'you' to 'it'
which would make line 3 a complete sentence.
Rose
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Hmmm - A different way to describe bowling, for sure. Kind of on the erotic side, which is what I think you were going for.
The syllable count for Tanka is correct -
but Tankas, which are an older form than Haiku generally use simile, (a figure of speech in which two unlike things are explicitly compared, as in "she is like a flower.")
metaphor (a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance "He is a prince among men" and
personification (the attribution of a personal nature or character to inanimate objects or abstract notions. "Trees laughing in the wind.") Tanka poems have been around for about 1200 years and are written about nature, seasons, love, sadness and other strong emotions..
The 3rd line should be a pivot line, which means it could be the last line of the poem if it were Haiku, and also work as the first line of the next three lines.
Poem 1:
Three fingers and thumb
penetrate with a dry palm
hold you -- take a walk
and
Poem 2:
hold you -- take a walk
then, with rapid advances
find release, and ... X- tacy
You might be able to do that by changing the word 'you' to 'it'
which would make line 3 a complete sentence.
Rose
Comment Written 31-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Thank you for the in depth lesson on tanka. I usually note that these are 'tanka form', as the subjective rules of Asian poetry leave me cool. I appreciate your suggestion.
