The King's Ransom
Spend the night in this haunted castle, if you dare7 total reviews
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hi Brett. This was a really cool and riveting story..Absolutely loved this tale. The peasants are happy to hear the voice of the damned because it was they who helped to despose the king..Kind of ironic though why they would be happy rather, shouldn't they be sad cause they fought for the rights of the peasants? You really did awesome to breathe life into the characters. Though. Job well done. Cheers.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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Hi Brett. This was a really cool and riveting story..Absolutely loved this tale. The peasants are happy to hear the voice of the damned because it was they who helped to despose the king..Kind of ironic though why they would be happy rather, shouldn't they be sad cause they fought for the rights of the peasants? You really did awesome to breathe life into the characters. Though. Job well done. Cheers.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from robyn corum
1.) Every night you can (hear) the wailing.
Definitely a terrible and scary bedtime story. I WON'T be telling it to my kids - or reading it again myself before any bedtimes!
(But good job!)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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1.) Every night you can (hear) the wailing.
Definitely a terrible and scary bedtime story. I WON'T be telling it to my kids - or reading it again myself before any bedtimes!
(But good job!)
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed your little visit to this castle. King George seems rather entertaining to me, and knows how to throw a grand party. Does he not?
Comment from Joslyn Chase
I really enjoyed the story. It contained all the necessary elements to engage me and carry me along to the satisfying ending. That being said, there are a few technical issues that could use improvement. Mainly, your use of commas and dialogue devices. Find a good grammar reference and review these topics. Watch out for trite phrases and let strong description stand in for stated emotions and excessive adverbs.
Great job and good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
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I really enjoyed the story. It contained all the necessary elements to engage me and carry me along to the satisfying ending. That being said, there are a few technical issues that could use improvement. Mainly, your use of commas and dialogue devices. Find a good grammar reference and review these topics. Watch out for trite phrases and let strong description stand in for stated emotions and excessive adverbs.
Great job and good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 31-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
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Thanks for the review.
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Brett: so the King got his revenge on all three of the brave souls entering. They all had reasons for money and knew this king. Well written and intense. The King had the castle to himself...no bed and breakfast resort for the traveling to stop at. Oh well, great story. I'll stop in again. Have a great weekend. flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Brett: so the King got his revenge on all three of the brave souls entering. They all had reasons for money and knew this king. Well written and intense. The King had the castle to himself...no bed and breakfast resort for the traveling to stop at. Oh well, great story. I'll stop in again. Have a great weekend. flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 29-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015
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Wanted plenty of action is this one. Perhaps achieved my goal. Glad you enjoyed it and come again real soon.
Comment from Jackreese
We got a castle, ghosts and a dungeon all the makings of a good horror story. The beginning reminded me a bit like House on Haunted Hill with the unsuspecting victims spending the night in a haunted house. I also liked how each victim met a different demise. Good job I was thoroughly entertained.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
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We got a castle, ghosts and a dungeon all the makings of a good horror story. The beginning reminded me a bit like House on Haunted Hill with the unsuspecting victims spending the night in a haunted house. I also liked how each victim met a different demise. Good job I was thoroughly entertained.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale.
Comment from sbedian
I love a supernatural piece! The spirit of King George is an especially creepy addition to this piece of writing. The grammar and spelling were all good, and the story reads very fluidly. It makes the reader want to continue the read. I liked it!
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
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I love a supernatural piece! The spirit of King George is an especially creepy addition to this piece of writing. The grammar and spelling were all good, and the story reads very fluidly. It makes the reader want to continue the read. I liked it!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale.
Comment from Jacob Collins
This was a well written piece and I thought it was a good entry for the contest. You captured the eeriness of the haunted manor well and I liked your descriptions and dialogue throughout. I thought that your writing flowed well and I couldn't spot any faults. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
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This was a well written piece and I thought it was a good entry for the contest. You captured the eeriness of the haunted manor well and I liked your descriptions and dialogue throughout. I thought that your writing flowed well and I couldn't spot any faults. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
Comment Written 29-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Appreciate your comments and support.
