A sunbeam that has lost its way
A Quatern12 total reviews
Comment from sgalletti
This is an absolutely beautiful quatern poem. These are not easy to write in that the repeating line needs to move around and make sense even though it is in different contexts. You do this brilliantly, and pack a whallop of emotion in your content as a result. Very smooth flow due to wonderful enjambment. Good meter and rhyme and lots of additional "goodies" in poetic devices like consonance and metaphor. Love it! Certainly a strong contender, if not a winner. Best of luck. Sue
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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This is an absolutely beautiful quatern poem. These are not easy to write in that the repeating line needs to move around and make sense even though it is in different contexts. You do this brilliantly, and pack a whallop of emotion in your content as a result. Very smooth flow due to wonderful enjambment. Good meter and rhyme and lots of additional "goodies" in poetic devices like consonance and metaphor. Love it! Certainly a strong contender, if not a winner. Best of luck. Sue
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Sue, for the great review and the galaxy of stars. yes, I managed a win with this one!
Steve
Comment from RYME4U
Exquisite poem. You have captured the mood of prison life here and how the smallest things(sunbeam) can mean so much. This was delightful to read. Smooth and even rhyming and presented in an excellent manner.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Exquisite poem. You have captured the mood of prison life here and how the smallest things(sunbeam) can mean so much. This was delightful to read. Smooth and even rhyming and presented in an excellent manner.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Thanks, Rose, for the fine review and the six stars.
Comment from pierre poote'
Your poem is very good. I believe that there are many good poems in this contest. I hope this depression that you depict is not presently happening to you. You must have been depressed at some point to understand it well enough to write this poem. Good write!
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Your poem is very good. I believe that there are many good poems in this contest. I hope this depression that you depict is not presently happening to you. You must have been depressed at some point to understand it well enough to write this poem. Good write!
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Merci, Pierre.
You are right - there are some good poems here and the even quality shows up in the booth. I have never suffered real depression, but let's say that I have experienced it second-hand.
Comment from BeasPeas
Such a very nice quatern poem. Beautifully written and rhymed. Flows nicely, is clear. Content is positive. A job well done. Marilyn/BeasPeas
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Such a very nice quatern poem. Beautifully written and rhymed. Flows nicely, is clear. Content is positive. A job well done. Marilyn/BeasPeas
Comment Written 29-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Thanks, Marilyn.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
A Quatern
A sunbeam that has lost its way
I really like your quatern. It is beautiful. The well rhymed lines flow easily and the poem has good rhythm. I think it is very romantic. Good job!
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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A Quatern
A sunbeam that has lost its way
I really like your quatern. It is beautiful. The well rhymed lines flow easily and the poem has good rhythm. I think it is very romantic. Good job!
Comment Written 26-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Thanks for the kind words.
Comment from ellie6
A charming poem telling of random sunbeam that takes the writer by surprise, Filling him with joy. The illustration of the bright sunbeam in a dusty cellar is striking.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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A charming poem telling of random sunbeam that takes the writer by surprise, Filling him with joy. The illustration of the bright sunbeam in a dusty cellar is striking.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Thanks, Ellie.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. What a lovely poem. We can all use a stray sunbeam once in a while. This poem was beautiful, easy to read and understand. It rhymes very well. I love the artwork. Good job
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Excellent. What a lovely poem. We can all use a stray sunbeam once in a while. This poem was beautiful, easy to read and understand. It rhymes very well. I love the artwork. Good job
Comment Written 25-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Thanks for the kind words.
Comment from Eric1
Hi Mystery author, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, You have chosen a wonderful theme with a wonderful continuing line, perfect rhyme, good rhythm and a nice flow, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Hi Mystery author, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, You have chosen a wonderful theme with a wonderful continuing line, perfect rhyme, good rhythm and a nice flow, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Eric, thanks so much for the warm review.
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You are very welcome my friend.
Comment from Mark Valentine
I was starting to like my chances in the quatern contest until I read this. This is fantastic and will get my vote. I love the image of a ray of sun finding its way into a prison cell (whether the cell be literal or a metaphor), and the idea that the sunbeam has "lost its way" underscores the idea that the "prisoner" is being blessed by serendipity or grace or both. Then the twist at the end where we find out that the "sunbeam" is a person who took notice of, and was kind to, the "prisoner" is a perfect finish. Love this one.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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I was starting to like my chances in the quatern contest until I read this. This is fantastic and will get my vote. I love the image of a ray of sun finding its way into a prison cell (whether the cell be literal or a metaphor), and the idea that the sunbeam has "lost its way" underscores the idea that the "prisoner" is being blessed by serendipity or grace or both. Then the twist at the end where we find out that the "sunbeam" is a person who took notice of, and was kind to, the "prisoner" is a perfect finish. Love this one.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Mark, I really appreciate the great review and the six stars. You show good understanding of the purpose of the poem.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi...
_ Losing one's way, be it a sunbeam or one losing their way in life---one must never give up hope.
_ Hope is what can propel us to the light where only darkness lies.
_ Interesting read--I enjoyed it--excellent entry.
_ Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Hi...
_ Losing one's way, be it a sunbeam or one losing their way in life---one must never give up hope.
_ Hope is what can propel us to the light where only darkness lies.
_ Interesting read--I enjoyed it--excellent entry.
_ Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Thanks so much, Jax.
