To Cherish Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 57 "Born Without a Belly Button"Free Verse Poetry
9 total reviews
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mikey
I just love the title of this evocative poem. Certainly at fast pace and incredible phrasing on the world's problems. often an Abcedarian poem can 'trip up', this one makes strong use of poetic techniques such as touches of enjambment, effective alliteration, assonance and consonance. A strong message enhanced by the dramatic red and black presentation -- fabulous image. I feel the passion of your theme. Just a suggestion -- I would remove the "LOL :)", I find it a little distracting and at cross purposes of the dominant phrasing here. Up to you of course.
"Escape", says the lifelong conniving schemer-dreamer,
"forego the blame and tilt the mirror anew". Narcissists are becoming a World Power ... scary, and we still keep 'falling' for their lies.
A collective of incredible phrasing, I won't copy them all, otherwise the entire poem would take up lots of space. Sorry it wasn't as well received in the voting as it should be, though I haven't read the other entries. Well done. Huge hugs - Lovi xoxox
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2015
  |
Hi Mikey
I just love the title of this evocative poem. Certainly at fast pace and incredible phrasing on the world's problems. often an Abcedarian poem can 'trip up', this one makes strong use of poetic techniques such as touches of enjambment, effective alliteration, assonance and consonance. A strong message enhanced by the dramatic red and black presentation -- fabulous image. I feel the passion of your theme. Just a suggestion -- I would remove the "LOL :)", I find it a little distracting and at cross purposes of the dominant phrasing here. Up to you of course.
"Escape", says the lifelong conniving schemer-dreamer,
"forego the blame and tilt the mirror anew". Narcissists are becoming a World Power ... scary, and we still keep 'falling' for their lies.
A collective of incredible phrasing, I won't copy them all, otherwise the entire poem would take up lots of space. Sorry it wasn't as well received in the voting as it should be, though I haven't read the other entries. Well done. Huge hugs - Lovi xoxox
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2015
-
Wow. You are reading my mind on this one. I'm so delighted with your analysis. Yeah, got some votes. I wrote this to try and write something good. Sometimes I write to win the contest I'm sorry to say. But, like I'm just selling out so I can fund my real art dude. :)
More stars too. Thank you so much. I did remove the LOL :) and put it here. mikey
-
Lost my reply again ... and again. Sending in PM. :))
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, mystery writer, great imagery presented here, I love the part about the trout that was caught by the minnow with a hook in its eye. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
 |
this is an excellent write, mystery writer, great imagery presented here, I love the part about the trout that was caught by the minnow with a hook in its eye. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
Comment from Unspoken94
This has to be one of the most difficult poems to construct! You did a wonderful job going through the alphabet and most of the poem seems to fit around the concerns of the globe. There were a few in there that I wasn't able to understand. I also found the parentheses to be a distraction. Good luck with the contest. -Bill Stephenson
|
This has to be one of the most difficult poems to construct! You did a wonderful job going through the alphabet and most of the poem seems to fit around the concerns of the globe. There were a few in there that I wasn't able to understand. I also found the parentheses to be a distraction. Good luck with the contest. -Bill Stephenson
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
Comment from robina1978
Excellent artwork that complements your poem perfectly. One tip: Capitalise all the letters at the beginning of a sentence, and you should not put the title in your poem space. I enjoyed your poem, you used all the letters, but I am not sure the way you went around it is allowed. Best wishes for the prompt.
|
Excellent artwork that complements your poem perfectly. One tip: Capitalise all the letters at the beginning of a sentence, and you should not put the title in your poem space. I enjoyed your poem, you used all the letters, but I am not sure the way you went around it is allowed. Best wishes for the prompt.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
Comment from Nosha17
I guess, for you the world is crazy and mixed up-for me, too! You have incorporated the whole world well within your Abecdarian poem, from global warming to the nonsensical world of the Jabberwockies, to greedy corporations and people. I like the final line, ending with the power of Zeus, maybe he could help us! Excellent choice of words and imagery. Good luck in the contest. Faye
|
I guess, for you the world is crazy and mixed up-for me, too! You have incorporated the whole world well within your Abecdarian poem, from global warming to the nonsensical world of the Jabberwockies, to greedy corporations and people. I like the final line, ending with the power of Zeus, maybe he could help us! Excellent choice of words and imagery. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
Comment from dmt1967
This poem is very thought out and well written, but I think it rambles a lot and some of the words don't fit with the concept of the poem. T he five is for the concept and how hard it is to write one of these poems. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
|
This poem is very thought out and well written, but I think it rambles a lot and some of the words don't fit with the concept of the poem. T he five is for the concept and how hard it is to write one of these poems. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
Comment from Tessa Kay
There you go, learned a new word, xenocracy (actually shows up as a spelling error in this program)
Your poem is so fast, I was surprised when I hit the end. I like the alliterations you've sprinkled in here and there.
All the best in the contest. :)
|
There you go, learned a new word, xenocracy (actually shows up as a spelling error in this program)
Your poem is so fast, I was surprised when I hit the end. I like the alliterations you've sprinkled in here and there.
All the best in the contest. :)
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
Comment from OLA THOMAS
This poem read like a SLAM with great pace and rhythm. A well crafted Acrostic poem. So many thoughts came to bear in the poem.
ola thomas
|
This poem read like a SLAM with great pace and rhythm. A well crafted Acrostic poem. So many thoughts came to bear in the poem.
ola thomas
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
born without a belly button~
Cool poem using all the letters of the alphabet, not an easy thing to do and you pulled of beautifully -Good job! Good luck with the contest.
|
born without a belly button~
Cool poem using all the letters of the alphabet, not an easy thing to do and you pulled of beautifully -Good job! Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
