The Quest
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Quest Part One"Finding My Roots
33 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
I had to come back to read this first part because you intrigued me with part two - your writing is clear and organized, the 'voice' as if we were sitting fireside having a friendly chat - only one sentence jarred a little, and I went back several times until I understood what you were saying. Third to last paragraph - this is what threw me: "...the reverse was true." For clarity, I would suggest re-wording because as it is, it's a bit confusing. You were not living in Denmark anymore, so it stands to reason that when she came to live with you after her visits, she would no longer want to live in Denmark, yes?
Other than that, this is flawless. Well done. Now I'm on to the part that snared me. :)
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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I had to come back to read this first part because you intrigued me with part two - your writing is clear and organized, the 'voice' as if we were sitting fireside having a friendly chat - only one sentence jarred a little, and I went back several times until I understood what you were saying. Third to last paragraph - this is what threw me: "...the reverse was true." For clarity, I would suggest re-wording because as it is, it's a bit confusing. You were not living in Denmark anymore, so it stands to reason that when she came to live with you after her visits, she would no longer want to live in Denmark, yes?
Other than that, this is flawless. Well done. Now I'm on to the part that snared me. :)
Comment Written 25-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Hi there, Thank you so much for taking your time reading the first part and giving me a review. The section you are referring to is, that when my daughter lived with her father in Denmark she came to visit me almost every week-end. When she came to England to live with me the reverse became true. In other words, she now went to Denmark visiting her father almost every week-end. I hope this made it clearer. All the best. Ulla
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Oh, I get it, of course! You're very welcome - it was my pleasure. :)
Comment from ellie6
An interesting post, I hope there will be a sequel, We have to know if you found your birth mother, and if there was any sense of closure. In the '40's and 50's there were many in your situation, young mothers who, because of the conventions of the time were forced to give their children up for adoption. These girls were almost always devastated and broken hearted, but there was nothing they could do.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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An interesting post, I hope there will be a sequel, We have to know if you found your birth mother, and if there was any sense of closure. In the '40's and 50's there were many in your situation, young mothers who, because of the conventions of the time were forced to give their children up for adoption. These girls were almost always devastated and broken hearted, but there was nothing they could do.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much. Yes the story will be continued. You're so right. It was not easy in those days. Ulla
Comment from Green Lake Girl
A start to a very interesting tale, Ulla! I fell into the story right away. There's plenty of intrigue to entice a reader to learn more about your past. Well written. Looking forward to the next installment!
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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A start to a very interesting tale, Ulla! I fell into the story right away. There's plenty of intrigue to entice a reader to learn more about your past. Well written. Looking forward to the next installment!
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much, and I am happy you want to follow my story. All the best, Ulla
Comment from jpduck
Hi Ulla,
This is a beautifully written, stylish piece. OK, there's a list of odds and ends below, but they are all very fine points. You are too good a writer (in your second language and all) not to do you the justice of explaining the finest of fine points.
I was particularly fascinated by this because my adopted son did exactly the same thing. (You may be interested to see the story of his start in life in my story, 'Rejections')
Bits & pieces. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'being told from day one by my [adopted] *adoptive* parents' (a child is 'adopted', the parents are 'adoptive').
'On one occasion I overheard my adopt[ed]*ive* father'
'My adopti*ve* family was tiny'
Several more instances of 'adopted' need to be changed.
'Throughout my entire childhood I was [literally] dragged through Western Europe' ('literally' is a word that should probably never used. If something is true, just say it; saying 'literally' adds nothing. If what you write is metaphorical, as in this case, then 'literally' not only has no function, it is incorrect. 'I was dragged through Western Europe' is good mataphor).
'I almost finished my higher education when [I], by sheer chance, *I* was introduced. (Much better not to split 'I was').
'and the travelling continued [both] in my private life as in my professional life' ('both' expects a complementary 'and'. So you can either write '...both in my private life and...' or '...in my private life as...'
'falling out with everybody and sundry' (The normal phrase is 'all and sundry'. 'Everybody and sundry' sounds a bit clunky).
Adrian
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Hi Ulla,
This is a beautifully written, stylish piece. OK, there's a list of odds and ends below, but they are all very fine points. You are too good a writer (in your second language and all) not to do you the justice of explaining the finest of fine points.
I was particularly fascinated by this because my adopted son did exactly the same thing. (You may be interested to see the story of his start in life in my story, 'Rejections')
Bits & pieces. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'being told from day one by my [adopted] *adoptive* parents' (a child is 'adopted', the parents are 'adoptive').
'On one occasion I overheard my adopt[ed]*ive* father'
'My adopti*ve* family was tiny'
Several more instances of 'adopted' need to be changed.
'Throughout my entire childhood I was [literally] dragged through Western Europe' ('literally' is a word that should probably never used. If something is true, just say it; saying 'literally' adds nothing. If what you write is metaphorical, as in this case, then 'literally' not only has no function, it is incorrect. 'I was dragged through Western Europe' is good mataphor).
'I almost finished my higher education when [I], by sheer chance, *I* was introduced. (Much better not to split 'I was').
'and the travelling continued [both] in my private life as in my professional life' ('both' expects a complementary 'and'. So you can either write '...both in my private life and...' or '...in my private life as...'
'falling out with everybody and sundry' (The normal phrase is 'all and sundry'. 'Everybody and sundry' sounds a bit clunky).
Adrian
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Adrian, thank you so much for your six. What gives me so much joy is your high praise of my writing. It is one of the best compliments I have ever received. It brought tears to my eyes.
Also, I corrected immediately and thanks for pointing them out to me. I am really so pleased. All the best, Ulla
Comment from DOMINA ALEXANDRA
Every line you wrote kept me glued to your chapter. It was like reading through the eyes of your character. More so through you as the writer. I highly enjoyed this chapter and appreciate you even being a writer for me to read this
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Every line you wrote kept me glued to your chapter. It was like reading through the eyes of your character. More so through you as the writer. I highly enjoyed this chapter and appreciate you even being a writer for me to read this
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much for your very encouraging review. Ulla
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You're welcome
Comment from amahra
Wow, this story of your search is really inspiring. My poor brother lived down stairs from his own mother for years. He came running home from getting his birth certificate to asked her mom (who was really his real mom's sister) what aunt wees' (short for Louise) name doing on his birth certificate. You did a great job. Thanks for posting.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Wow, this story of your search is really inspiring. My poor brother lived down stairs from his own mother for years. He came running home from getting his birth certificate to asked her mom (who was really his real mom's sister) what aunt wees' (short for Louise) name doing on his birth certificate. You did a great job. Thanks for posting.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Hi amahra, I am so glad to see you back. It's been a while. I am happy you liked it. Interesting story of your brother. Ulla
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, ulla, you did an excellent job sharing your story of how you came to start the search for your real mother and the way your adopted family fell apart after your dad died. I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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this is an excellent write, ulla, you did an excellent job sharing your story of how you came to start the search for your real mother and the way your adopted family fell apart after your dad died. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much. I am so pleased you liked it. Ulla
Comment from salvatour
this is a good story especially the time frame when you decide to finally dig up the past and find out your real mother but i think it would have made the story more spicy if you told the whole story
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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this is a good story especially the time frame when you decide to finally dig up the past and find out your real mother but i think it would have made the story more spicy if you told the whole story
Comment Written 18-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much for your awesome six. You just made my day. I am pleased you liked it and I am writing the whole story. Part two is soon to be released. All the best Ulla
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its a good story cant wait for part two
Comment from Joan E.
Born in Denmark and living in Spain, plus telling a fascinating, autobiographical story in fine English--I am impressed! You were fortunate to have your aunt launch you on this adventure. I was pleased to hear you had a pleasant childhood and enjoyed extensive travel before "disaster struck" and you lost your adoptive father. I am curious to learn what happened after you moved to Scotland.
To be continued... Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Born in Denmark and living in Spain, plus telling a fascinating, autobiographical story in fine English--I am impressed! You were fortunate to have your aunt launch you on this adventure. I was pleased to hear you had a pleasant childhood and enjoyed extensive travel before "disaster struck" and you lost your adoptive father. I am curious to learn what happened after you moved to Scotland.
To be continued... Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 18-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Hi Joan, that is a lovely complement you've paid me. I am so pleased you like the story. More to come. All the best, Ulla
Comment from Jay Squires
My adopted mother changed into a person I didn't recognise. Suffice to say that a few years later we became estranged, never to see each other again. [Unless there is something in this part that you can't share, you really should. The reader, being curious, now becomes doubtful about what else you might arbitrarily leave out. Just a suggestion, and if it's a deep dark secret, so be it.]
You left this chapter with a hint that there is more coming. Is there?
I enjoyed this thus far.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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My adopted mother changed into a person I didn't recognise. Suffice to say that a few years later we became estranged, never to see each other again. [Unless there is something in this part that you can't share, you really should. The reader, being curious, now becomes doubtful about what else you might arbitrarily leave out. Just a suggestion, and if it's a deep dark secret, so be it.]
You left this chapter with a hint that there is more coming. Is there?
I enjoyed this thus far.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2015
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Hi Jay, thank you so much for a, as always a valued review. Well, I was not to include too much about my adoptive mother, but I have thought about what you said. There is nothing to hide, but it is another very long story. I'll see what can I do. Thanks a lot again for your feed back. It is very appreciated. All the best, Ulla
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Yeah, I don't know if I explained it adequately, but when you write a memoir whatever hint you make of something without delving into it tends to diminish your credibility with the reader because he/she says "what is she hiding?" It's better not to mention something at all than not to explore it completely. Does that make sense?
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Oh, it does make a lot of sense. It's only that if I totally omitted her it wouldn't be right either, because it is so much part of me and part of the person I am. I am very happy you take your time with this. Ulla
