Secrets In The Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Secrets In The Wind Part IV"PTSD and its aftermath
7 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Folks. You are a great team as this stuff is so well written and very interesting indeed. The life of service personal in Nam was one of the most life changing events that anyone could possibly go through, time has proven that fact. This is great, I could read it forever. Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2015
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G'day Folks. You are a great team as this stuff is so well written and very interesting indeed. The life of service personal in Nam was one of the most life changing events that anyone could possibly go through, time has proven that fact. This is great, I could read it forever. Cheers Fez
Comment Written 14-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2015
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It was something I would not wish on anyone, or not on many people anyway. It was also a way to grow up too fast and learn things I'd rather not know. Thanks, as always, for reading and for your comments.
Comment from rmj09
The focus Jimmy planning to run. The storyline development. Deciding to run so he wouldn't hurt his wife during his times of irrational behavior. Jimmy decides to do some work around the house before he left. He goes into the attic to do work there. He sees a large spider and jumps back knocking himself out. When he comes to he picks up a loose board and kills the spider he discovers an automatic pistol, a rifle and a claymore here. In another spot he finds $150,000, list of off-shore accounts, passports all with his picture but only one with his name. In Viet Nam he had been approached by the CIA and could get out early if he joined them a stupid decision as he was now theirs. Expected to kill when they asked.
He knows he can't say anything about this part of his life. But all he finds up there is filling in the blanks in his life.
The narrative is filling in questions about the character and the action.
The hook does he realize once CIA always until death?
The emotions felt anger no one should ask children under 21 to go to battle.
Keep on writing it frees the mind.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2015
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The focus Jimmy planning to run. The storyline development. Deciding to run so he wouldn't hurt his wife during his times of irrational behavior. Jimmy decides to do some work around the house before he left. He goes into the attic to do work there. He sees a large spider and jumps back knocking himself out. When he comes to he picks up a loose board and kills the spider he discovers an automatic pistol, a rifle and a claymore here. In another spot he finds $150,000, list of off-shore accounts, passports all with his picture but only one with his name. In Viet Nam he had been approached by the CIA and could get out early if he joined them a stupid decision as he was now theirs. Expected to kill when they asked.
He knows he can't say anything about this part of his life. But all he finds up there is filling in the blanks in his life.
The narrative is filling in questions about the character and the action.
The hook does he realize once CIA always until death?
The emotions felt anger no one should ask children under 21 to go to battle.
Keep on writing it frees the mind.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2015
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Far too many children have been sent to fight wars and it can affect their minds for life. Sometimes their minds can fracture from the strain. Particularly if they aren't really sure just what they are fighting for. Thank you for reading my story I've kind of gotten ahead of myself in my writing and I'm working on where I'm going with this poor guy. I have some other parts finished but the transition from where he is to there needs to be worked out.
Comment from barkingdog
Very intriguing story and interesting information in your notes, especially about Air America. It's all news to me. I guess, ignorance IS bliss. How little we really know about what's going on in governments around the world.
Now, that he's found the stash in his attic will he tell Patience? What is his next move? Will he even remember that he found them since he blacks out?
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Very intriguing story and interesting information in your notes, especially about Air America. It's all news to me. I guess, ignorance IS bliss. How little we really know about what's going on in governments around the world.
Now, that he's found the stash in his attic will he tell Patience? What is his next move? Will he even remember that he found them since he blacks out?
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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If someone from the government ever asks you to volunteer for anything, run.
I forgot to put the paragraph breaks back in that always disappear when I copy and paste these things so I apologize if this was difficult to read.
He is determined that Patience not find out what he has done in his life. That is one of the reasons he thinks he should leave. He is starting to put things together and remember more.
Thank you for the feedback.
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I noticed that there was no paragraph spacing. It would be easier to read with them.
Comment from Jay Squires
First of all, Delahay, you should go in and space between all your paragraphs. I'll wait.
Once I got through the heavy "block" feeling of the seemingly one big paragraph" I really enjoyed this chapter.
I don't know what the spinning room and the walls pressing in around him was (I'm assuming PTSD), but I'm looking forward the the next installment.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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First of all, Delahay, you should go in and space between all your paragraphs. I'll wait.
Once I got through the heavy "block" feeling of the seemingly one big paragraph" I really enjoyed this chapter.
I don't know what the spinning room and the walls pressing in around him was (I'm assuming PTSD), but I'm looking forward the the next installment.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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I should remember by now that when I copy and paste I need to go back and put the spaces back in. As well as fix quotation marks that can turn into strange things. I didn't even go back and find a spelling mistake that spell check had pointed out. Very sloppy. I apologize for that. I should really know better by now.
He was overcome by the memories and the things that come to him in his dreams coming together with proof of what is really going on. As you may be getting the idea of, he has a separate life he does not always remember.
It may read a little easier now that I put the spaces back. Did you find any other problems?
As always, thank you for reading. I definitely appreciate the feedback.
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Oh, yes. Also PTSD. This guy has problems.
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No, it was very well-written and edited.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I think you do a good job of showing what he is going through. The stress of the miltary. I would recommend showing us more. For example, when the guy asked about someone that could fly an aircraft - show that. Use dialogue - use internal though. Very good job overall. An enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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I think you do a good job of showing what he is going through. The stress of the miltary. I would recommend showing us more. For example, when the guy asked about someone that could fly an aircraft - show that. Use dialogue - use internal though. Very good job overall. An enjoyable read.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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I don't recall anything about being asked to fly an aircraft, unless you mean the part about keeping aircraft in the air. This refers to working on them as a mechanic. (I actually was an aircraft mechanic for many years) Sorry if I did not make that clear. I thought more explanation and dialogue would make it too long. People tend to skip over stories that are too long. I agree that dialogue makes things much more interesting.
Thank you for reading and for your feedback.
Comment from royowen
Nicely written, the story was interesting and well written, the plot is an echo of ones that resound in the mind. Finding ammunition, weapons, materials for making explosives, large cache of money, passports all with his photo on them, he passes out, next thing he's awakened by his wife, after passing out! Well done, good structure, nice design, believable characters, engaging. Well Done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Nicely written, the story was interesting and well written, the plot is an echo of ones that resound in the mind. Finding ammunition, weapons, materials for making explosives, large cache of money, passports all with his photo on them, he passes out, next thing he's awakened by his wife, after passing out! Well done, good structure, nice design, believable characters, engaging. Well Done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much for reading. I apologize for forgetting to put the disappearing paragraph breaks back in. I always lose them when I copy and paste. I think that made it harder to read.
Thank you for your feedback.
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Well done though
Comment from anabellapongasi
Hi there. I haven't read previous chapters but I still enjoyed reading this. So I understand this is biographical fiction based on your own life story and experience in the Viet Nam war. Very well written, good flow, easy to read. The chapter is fairly short and your notes are helpful too. Well done.
Anabella
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Hi there. I haven't read previous chapters but I still enjoyed reading this. So I understand this is biographical fiction based on your own life story and experience in the Viet Nam war. Very well written, good flow, easy to read. The chapter is fairly short and your notes are helpful too. Well done.
Anabella
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Only very small parts are biographical. I guess those parts can add a little realism to the story. Thank you so much for reading and for your feedback.
Ward
