Secrets In The Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Secrets In The Wind Part III"PTSD and its aftermath
7 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day folks. Wonderful work here. So vivid and realistic that it takes me right there in the dream or lack thereof. A really well written chapter. To answer your question, I've used "hell" a few times of late and am never sure whether to capitalize it or not, so I didn't and nobody said anything and with me they normally do. I hope that helps. Well done, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
  |
G'day folks. Wonderful work here. So vivid and realistic that it takes me right there in the dream or lack thereof. A really well written chapter. To answer your question, I've used "hell" a few times of late and am never sure whether to capitalize it or not, so I didn't and nobody said anything and with me they normally do. I hope that helps. Well done, cheers Fez
Comment Written 13-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
-
Thank you for the great review. I appreciate your comments. I have had people point out both that it should be capitalized and that it shouldn't so???? I guess I will just have to pick one way and stick with it.
Comment from rmj09
The focus a soldier from hell. The storyline development he fought for our country the few politicians who send our boys into war. All their lives until then they were taught not to kill. Here they where being sent over to a country told to kill these people they don't know nor do they dislike them. It is to protect their country but from what all the broken young men who are returning? To think a government for the freedoms sends someone to fight a battle even they won't. Then the doctors tell him he is fine that he just needs to get use to get use to civilian life. What's civil about sending young boys to fight for a political fight.
The dialog shows someone who doesn't know who they are any longer and wonders who is Randy? Who tells a tale the way he remembers, even if not true but what is the truth.
The narration draws a picture of a very tortured human turned into an individual who has forgotten right from wrong, without any help.
The subject is near and dear to me, my brother went over believing he would be drafted but his number never was called. He returned but my brother died there and a stranger returned. the spelling of hell is hell.
Keep on writing.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
|
The focus a soldier from hell. The storyline development he fought for our country the few politicians who send our boys into war. All their lives until then they were taught not to kill. Here they where being sent over to a country told to kill these people they don't know nor do they dislike them. It is to protect their country but from what all the broken young men who are returning? To think a government for the freedoms sends someone to fight a battle even they won't. Then the doctors tell him he is fine that he just needs to get use to get use to civilian life. What's civil about sending young boys to fight for a political fight.
The dialog shows someone who doesn't know who they are any longer and wonders who is Randy? Who tells a tale the way he remembers, even if not true but what is the truth.
The narration draws a picture of a very tortured human turned into an individual who has forgotten right from wrong, without any help.
The subject is near and dear to me, my brother went over believing he would be drafted but his number never was called. He returned but my brother died there and a stranger returned. the spelling of hell is hell.
Keep on writing.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
-
A lot of people lost who they were over there. I guess it is a little different fighting a war you believe in, but maybe not. Any way you look at it people are sent to kill other people they may have otherwise been friends with, while watching their buddies die. How does anyone adjust to that? When they come home they are expected to just get on with their lives as if nothing happened. I'll never understand, and I don't think it will ever end.
Thank you for reading. I really appreciate the feedback and comments.
Comment from J Patience
So, this is mostly the rumination of a man who has gone through these things? It's harsh stuff, and like so many people out here I cannot even fathom what it would have been like "out there" fighting. Exploding heads, gray matter splattering, Im desensitized because I've seen it in movies and they're great special effects. Logically I know it's something that people have actually lived through, but I just can't grasp the confusion and horror and maybe guilt. Good ramblings, I kept reading and this isn't my typical literary draw.
There are only a couple hiccups that interrupted my reading, mentioned below. Otherwise it was great, thank you for sharing.
from Joseph Heller's novel that I decided - should have a comma after "novel"
until I was sent in country. - after looking twice, I thought this might read best as "sent in-country."
I assume someone mentioned this, but I read that since, technically, Hell is a place, it should be capitalized each time no matter what.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
|
So, this is mostly the rumination of a man who has gone through these things? It's harsh stuff, and like so many people out here I cannot even fathom what it would have been like "out there" fighting. Exploding heads, gray matter splattering, Im desensitized because I've seen it in movies and they're great special effects. Logically I know it's something that people have actually lived through, but I just can't grasp the confusion and horror and maybe guilt. Good ramblings, I kept reading and this isn't my typical literary draw.
There are only a couple hiccups that interrupted my reading, mentioned below. Otherwise it was great, thank you for sharing.
from Joseph Heller's novel that I decided - should have a comma after "novel"
until I was sent in country. - after looking twice, I thought this might read best as "sent in-country."
I assume someone mentioned this, but I read that since, technically, Hell is a place, it should be capitalized each time no matter what.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
-
I had Hell capitalized and someone told me it wasn't suppose to be. I thought it was since it is considered a place. When I looked in the dictionary it wasn't, but neither was heaven so I don't know what to think about that. That is why I asked about it in the authors notes.
I've seen the term "in country" many times and never seen it with a hyphen so I don't know if one belongs there. I tried looking up the phrase and could not find a reference on it. I didn't put the explanation for that phrase on this chapter. I did so in the notes on the next one. It occurred to me that some people may not have heard the phrase before but it was very common at the time.
I'll go add the comma you recommended. Thank you for reading and for your feedback.
Comment from MissMerri
This is a well-written story, one that makes the reader identify with the speaker, and want things to work out for him. Also, the reader is anxious to read on and find out what is going to happen. I like how you are telling this tale. It is creative and descriptive and engrossing. There are a few typos, which you will no doubt want to correct...
***and were were really trying to kill them. (I think you meant "we were," here)
***There are two (things) I learned in the military.
***there are no winners and no runner-ups. (runners-up)
***Who the Hell is Randy? (why capitalize hell?)
***That's easy for them to say, (period here, and capital They) they can't see what is happening inside my head.
Good writing. I'm hooked!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
|
This is a well-written story, one that makes the reader identify with the speaker, and want things to work out for him. Also, the reader is anxious to read on and find out what is going to happen. I like how you are telling this tale. It is creative and descriptive and engrossing. There are a few typos, which you will no doubt want to correct...
***and were were really trying to kill them. (I think you meant "we were," here)
***There are two (things) I learned in the military.
***there are no winners and no runner-ups. (runners-up)
***Who the Hell is Randy? (why capitalize hell?)
***That's easy for them to say, (period here, and capital They) they can't see what is happening inside my head.
Good writing. I'm hooked!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
-
Thank you for reading and for pointing out my mistakes. I'm not sure about the one about capitalizing hell. I thought that since it is considered a place that it should be capitalized. Do you know for sure it is not suppose to be?
Thanks again and I appreciate the help.
-
I believe (but I'm no authority on swearing) that in the context here, "Who the hell is Randy" it would not be capitalized. It is not, in this instance, naming a specific place. However, you might want to ask someone more accustomed to this kind of speech. Mastery would know.
Comment from barkingdog
After having flashback memories of his time in Vietnam, this fellow thinks that because he learned to kill there, he may be a hired-gun, a hit-man now. Maybe, still working for the government?
It's a bit hard to follow, but I think that I'm following.
He's not sure if he's hallucinating or not--but then there's the phone call and someone calling him Randy. Possibly another identity.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
|
After having flashback memories of his time in Vietnam, this fellow thinks that because he learned to kill there, he may be a hired-gun, a hit-man now. Maybe, still working for the government?
It's a bit hard to follow, but I think that I'm following.
He's not sure if he's hallucinating or not--but then there's the phone call and someone calling him Randy. Possibly another identity.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
-
That is definitely a possibility. The military teaches people to kill and some of those people may have trouble adjusting to civilian life. They could also go crazy.
Thank you for reading my story. It is a work in progress so there should be more to come.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
The run of this post is very gripping and thrilling. Read like a researched storyline. Love the simplicity in words usages. great idea
'ola thomas
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
|
The run of this post is very gripping and thrilling. Read like a researched storyline. Love the simplicity in words usages. great idea
'ola thomas
Comment Written 11-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
-
This is the third chapter in this story. I don't know if you read it before I realized I needed to add it to the book the first two were in so that the others would show up as being available I also added a summary for anyone who had not read the first two chapters.
Thank you for reading my story. I really appreciate the feedback.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I enjoyed this. I really like your tone in the story. It's like you are talking directly to me. The first person is natural. I think you could slow down a little and go into more detail. Perhaps set a scene and use dialogue and internal though to go into more detail. But that may be coming in future chapters. Great job.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
|
I enjoyed this. I really like your tone in the story. It's like you are talking directly to me. The first person is natural. I think you could slow down a little and go into more detail. Perhaps set a scene and use dialogue and internal though to go into more detail. But that may be coming in future chapters. Great job.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
-
This is the third chapter of a story I am working on. After I posted it I realized I needed to add it to a book so the first two chapters should show as available at the top of this one. I also added a summary that I hope will help anyone who has not read the first part. The other chapters have dialogue and there is a more introspective outlook. This chapter is just filling in details and providing background.
Thank you for reading and I appreciate your feedback.
