Stand Strong
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Jujee's Story"Social pressures threaten a childhood friendship
45 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
You write about the intricate relationships between teenage friends--boys, jealousy, comparing one's looks to your own, leaving Mara to join the church group.
And then you write about a mother's boyfriend who may be a threat to Mara, but she can't tell her mother.
Teens should like the mix of intrigue.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
  |
You write about the intricate relationships between teenage friends--boys, jealousy, comparing one's looks to your own, leaving Mara to join the church group.
And then you write about a mother's boyfriend who may be a threat to Mara, but she can't tell her mother.
Teens should like the mix of intrigue.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
-
Thanks Ellen. I appreciate the nice review and your taking time to read this latest chapter.
:) Bev
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Bev...
_ I was pleased to see this chapter pop up.
_ Seems as if there is always a underlying reason why people act as the do, as in Jujee''s case in the way she treated Mara.
_ I like the realistic way you presented Jujee's pov.
_ The mom's boyfriend came off as the creep I'm sure you intended. Well done. (*<*)
_ Looking forward to the next chapter.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
|
Hi, Bev...
_ I was pleased to see this chapter pop up.
_ Seems as if there is always a underlying reason why people act as the do, as in Jujee''s case in the way she treated Mara.
_ I like the realistic way you presented Jujee's pov.
_ The mom's boyfriend came off as the creep I'm sure you intended. Well done. (*<*)
_ Looking forward to the next chapter.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 09-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
-
Thanks so much, Jax. I really appreciate your encouragement and support for this long-delayed chapter LoL. Great to get your insights, as always. Yep, Jared is the latest in a long line of creeps.
:) Bev
Comment from Jay Squires
I was wondering what happened to this novel. I had enjoyed reading of her burgeoning love and the conflict with her friends (and parents we'd all love to have).
A few observations below:
Why did I snitch on Mara? She asked me to keep quiet about the boy who sat next to her at the concert because her parents might think it was a date they hadn't approved. [Be careful of trying to pass on information to the reader through the thoughts or dialogue of a character. To the alert reader it is seen as an Author's device.] To avoid that here, you might not frame the second sentence beginning with "She asked ..." as Jujee's personal thoughts. Instead of the 1st person introspection, try the third person "She (or Mara) had asked her to keep quiet about the boy who sat next to her ... etc." The advantage there is it's just a tad less personal. Just a suggestion.]
Jujee tasted blood and forced her jaws to relax.[That seems a tad extreme to me. Seems it would be enough to simply say she felt the pain.]
music blurred the edges of the undulating moans coming from inside. [Good, strong image.]
The Devlan's never missed church and Jujee have no way [Jujee WOULD ? have no way ...]
Good job, Bev. You do well with the YA voice in this novel.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
|
I was wondering what happened to this novel. I had enjoyed reading of her burgeoning love and the conflict with her friends (and parents we'd all love to have).
A few observations below:
Why did I snitch on Mara? She asked me to keep quiet about the boy who sat next to her at the concert because her parents might think it was a date they hadn't approved. [Be careful of trying to pass on information to the reader through the thoughts or dialogue of a character. To the alert reader it is seen as an Author's device.] To avoid that here, you might not frame the second sentence beginning with "She asked ..." as Jujee's personal thoughts. Instead of the 1st person introspection, try the third person "She (or Mara) had asked her to keep quiet about the boy who sat next to her ... etc." The advantage there is it's just a tad less personal. Just a suggestion.]
Jujee tasted blood and forced her jaws to relax.[That seems a tad extreme to me. Seems it would be enough to simply say she felt the pain.]
music blurred the edges of the undulating moans coming from inside. [Good, strong image.]
The Devlan's never missed church and Jujee have no way [Jujee WOULD ? have no way ...]
Good job, Bev. You do well with the YA voice in this novel.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
-
Hi, Jay. Thanks much for the suggestions, which I will certainly consider. I appreciate you reading this chapter, especially as it's been a while since the one :)
Comment from royowen
Well done Bev, there's always another side to the story, and Jujee has her reasons. For being the way she is! Her mother's behaviour is less than exemplary, and it's really playing with her moral sensitivities! But her thinking that her friend is a nerd is a little disturbing, I suppose because Mara does what a "good" girl does! Well done, Bev, it's not too young for me! Most enjoyable, well done, blessings, Roy.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
|
Well done Bev, there's always another side to the story, and Jujee has her reasons. For being the way she is! Her mother's behaviour is less than exemplary, and it's really playing with her moral sensitivities! But her thinking that her friend is a nerd is a little disturbing, I suppose because Mara does what a "good" girl does! Well done, Bev, it's not too young for me! Most enjoyable, well done, blessings, Roy.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
-
Hi, Roy. Thanks for your grand review! I really appreciate your insights into the story line and characters. Jujee does have a somewhat inflated opinion of her appearance because she fits the skinny standard. And you hit the nail on the head that her faith is more in the idea of friendships with her peers than in a personal relationship with Jesus.
Have a great week, my friend.
:) Bev
-
Great perceptive writing Bev,
-
Thanks again, Roy. You're most kind. :)
-
Mostnwelcome
-
Most welcome
Comment from Dawn Munro
Hi, Bev - you know me - punctuation isn't one of my strongest suits (to put it mildly - LOL) but I think you need a comma between Jared and boyfriend = "...boyfriend, Jared." You have also spelled his name wrong at the beginning of the next paragraph. *smile* (typo)
Well, woman, you have done it again. Your writing is riveting, even though I'm not the intended market for this story. Bev, I don't know how you have done it, but I swear you've climbed into the skin of this teenager (Mara's too, for that matter, the last I read) - I sure can't remember in such detail how I felt at that age. Very impressive! I'm positive this will be a hit with your target market.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
 |
Hi, Bev - you know me - punctuation isn't one of my strongest suits (to put it mildly - LOL) but I think you need a comma between Jared and boyfriend = "...boyfriend, Jared." You have also spelled his name wrong at the beginning of the next paragraph. *smile* (typo)
Well, woman, you have done it again. Your writing is riveting, even though I'm not the intended market for this story. Bev, I don't know how you have done it, but I swear you've climbed into the skin of this teenager (Mara's too, for that matter, the last I read) - I sure can't remember in such detail how I felt at that age. Very impressive! I'm positive this will be a hit with your target market.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
-
Hi, Dawn. THANKS SO MUCH for the catch on the typos and spacing. Thanks as well for the very gracious, and very encouraging review. It makes me feel good about the prospects for this novel.
:) Bev
-
spelling, Bev, the spelling, not spacing...HAHAHAHA - a little busy at the moment? (Big hugs - you're so welcome. *grin*)
-
Oops. Mental fatigue :)
-
LOL. Been there - probably still am - know it well.
-
:)
