Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

A young person's life is seldom smooth sailing. Even those being guided by discipline can find themselves in trouble not of their making. This is very well written with good imagery.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015

Well said, Charlie. I think there's more parenting like Jujee receives than Mara does these days. But that's just a personal observation.

Thanks for the very encouraging review.

:) Bev

reply by c_lucas on 12-Aug-2015

You're welcome, Bev. Charlie

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Even though it is for YA Christian teenagers I found this chapter interesting. You put us right their in Jujee's head space with her, trying to avoid her mother's creep of a boyfriend and her own conscience.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015

Hi, Pearl. Thank you very much for your great insights and encouragement for this chapter. I'm glad it had an authentic feel, as that is what I try hard to accomplish.

Have a good week!

:) Bev

Comment from Tomes Johnston

Exceptional

This is yet another interesting story that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is an interesting Christian story and it brings the youth into it. This is a good idea, because I think the youth of today are forsaking God and society is suffering as a result. Well done.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015

Tomes, I so agree with your comment on today's youth. Sadly, the parents of today have had a knee-jerk reaction to having religion forced on them (in their minds) and are leaving their children without a healthy spiritual structure. I agree that society suffers as a result.

Your insights and generosity are very much appreciated.

Have a good week!

:) Bev

reply by Tomes Johnston on 10-Aug-2015

Take care

Comment from Deniz22

Exceptional

Well done and gives another perspective of a Christian teen's life by profiling Jujee, the friend of your protagonist. This is a rather a delicate subject, but I would suggest you leave out the "moaning" as she walks by her mother's room. I don't think you need to be quite so graphic and it might work against the purpose of your book in some way. Instead, you might have her shake her head and express in some way her unwillingness to even deal with this guy sleeping with her mother. Just my opinion, it's your story to tell, of course. God bless, Dennis

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015

Thanks so much, Dennis. I think your suggestion about that section of the chapter makes sense in the context of my target audience, so I've made a change.

I appreciate both your encouragement and generosity.

Blessings to you as well!

:) Bev

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is an excellent write, writingfundimension, I remember reading this story a few months back or maybe even a year. I am glad you are adding to it now. I enjoyed reading it.

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015

Thanks so much for this very gracious review, Sweet. I appreciate you taking time out to read and review, especially since it has been quite a while since I lasted posted to this story.

Have a good week!

:) Bev

Comment from Aussie

Exceptional

Loved the line 'Under the scrutiny of the moon, split in half by the top of her window. Mother sounds like a right old dragon. I liked your teenage story. Some of these religious families tend to crucify their young by forcing them into believing their ways. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015

Thanks so much, Kay, for the very generous review. I appreciate you mentioning the section of the story you liked, too. Jujee's mother, unfortunately, couldn't be more different from her friend, Mara's.

Have a good week!

:) Bev

Comment from boxergirl

Excellent

Good to see this story pop back up!
Great job, Bev, of exposing us to Jujee's point of view and background info. Explains a lot of her previous behavior. Realistic dialogue and descriptive details.

Karen 8-)

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015

Thanks so much for this very encouraging review, Karen. I appreciate the support as well as the lovely stars. :) Bev

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

Jarod's pick-up was parked next to the snow (sp Jared other times)

brother Steven had installed the extra security. (do you need a comma after brother?)

I keep my thermostat at 55 degrees, day and night. LOL.

I am glad you are addressing this issue. Teens are so vulnerable to being abused. Well written, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015

Hi Debbie. So nice to hear from you! Thanks for the great review and words of encouragement. I appreciate your sharp editing eye and will make the changes post-haste. Hope you have a good week!

:) Bev

Comment from MelB

Excellent

I have thought about this story a few times over the past months and wondering if there would be another posting and here it is! This was a good glimpse into Jujee's life at home. The fact that she has a deadbolt on the door of her room speaks volumes as to what goes on in her house. I look forward to the development of the rest of this story.

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015

Thanks so much for this excellent review, Melissa. I've been most remiss in taking so long to get out another chapter, and for that reason I especially appreciate your reading. Your insights are always appreciated.

:) Bev

reply by MelB on 09-Aug-2015

Enjoying the story, Bev:) Just finished my book last week. Whew!

reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015

This may be a duplicate message. If so, I apologize. Congratulations on your great accomplishment of finishing your novel. I wish you the best of luck in the publishing phase, Melissa. :) Bev

reply by MelB on 09-Aug-2015

Thanks Bev! I have been pouring through all the different options and working through editing.

reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015

Oy, the editing. So hard to start chopping away at our 'children'. But a good editor can make so much difference, I've found. :)

reply by MelB on 09-Aug-2015

I plan on using one, right after this final edit myself.

reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015

If you need a suggestion, feel free to ask. :)

reply by MelB on 09-Aug-2015

Do you have an editor? Do you recommend any publishers? I am looking at CreateSpace on Amazon right now, as money is an issue.

reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015

I'm going to send you a private comment, Melissa. Just leaving for an appointment right now, but I'll get out a note this afternoon. :)

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

I enjoyed getting to know your character, Jujee, a little better. The sentiments she felt are so true to life for young people. I thought you gave us enough background of the family to understand the situation. Looking forward to more, Bev, hugs, Giddy

line 3.... (at) the concert....

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015

Thanks for your encouragement and support, Giddy. I appreciate it! :) Bev