Comment from Rosalyne

Exceptional

Hi, Bev.
I'm sorry for such a long absence. I went back and reread the previous chapters. The flow of your story is excellent.

You have done a wonderful job showing another side to the relationship between Jujee and Mara.

Jujee's homelife, anything but supportive and pleasant.
She's learned to be guarded and on high alert with her mom's boyfriend. You've shown this so well, a horrible situation for any teen to cope with, especially when her mother is clueless.

I really like the internal thoughts of Jujee. This is so true of teen jealousy and you've shown this so well.

You have a great story that really captures wavering teen friendships. Great chapter!

Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)

 Comment Written 29-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015

Hi, Rosalyne. Thank you very much for this most gracious and generous review! It's very kind of you to take time to read this chapter. I've been away from the story a bit, but my mind is starting to work on the next chapter. I feel a special connection with the characters and their difficulties. I guess I'm stuck in those socially awkward years/memories.

I appreciate you taking time to share your insights on the plot points, too, my friend. Great to hear from you.

Hugs, Bev

reply by Rosalyne on 29-Sep-2015

Hi, Bev.
I'm thrilled you're returning to the story. I sure can relate to the characters, especially Mara, reflecting back on my own teen years. In parts, it's like looking in the mirror
at the friendship I shared with someone.

I can understand how this wouldn't be the easiest to write, but you've shown so well the conflict of jealousy that arises, especially between girls.

Looking forward to the next chapter!
Bye, my friend!
Hugs
Rosalyne :)

reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015

XXXOOO

Comment from MaBaker

Excellent

Jujee whipped her head? This was the only thing I have to question you on. Try a different expression Yours did no harm to your story, so if you like it, keep it in. Just read it a few times see who it reads other than that a very well written chapter. Regards MaBaker.

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015

Thank you much for your review, suggestion and support. I really appreciate it, MB.

:) Bev

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

An excellent chapter. It certainly gives depth to Jujee's character. The poor girl is living in fear. The adults know or suspect why but seem indifferent in confronting the situation. No one want to make waves. At least her uncle installed a lock, even though he didn't have the nerve to stand up for Jujee.

All internal conflict, and well done.


SPAG
Para 6-- straigh(t)

 Comment Written 29-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2015

Hi, Debi

Thanks for your wonderful and encouraging reviewing on a Saturday night! You're really lifted my heart with your interest, support and generosity. Your insights are very helpful, too. Although Mara is a combination of myself and my nieces, I think folks reading can relate---at least I hope so! Have a wonderful Sunday, my friend.

:) Bev

Comment from Showboat

Excellent

Hi Bev, another great one!

Glad you bring Jujee's personality out as well as the kind of home life she has. Sounds like her mother is totally self absorbed and has no time for her daughter.

Great job,

Hugs,
Gayle

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Hi, Gayle. Thanks for taking time to read the chapter. I appreciate your encouragement and support very much.

:) Bev

Comment from ellie6

Excellent

A nicely imagined piece, you captured the teenage uncertainty very well. Jujee had better keep out of Jared's way, he's up to no good. I hope she will be able to mend fences with Mara.

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Hi, Ellie6

Thank you so much for this gracious review. I appreciate you taking time to read this chapter. There's a lot coming for the 'kids' and I would love to get your take on future chapters.

:) Bev

Comment from wordsfromsue

Exceptional

Hello Bev. I'm not 13, but am thoroughly enjoying the story. :-)

I'm glad to see Jujee's story and learn more about why she acts like she does. Poor kid shouldn't have to worry about her mother's boyfriend.

Mara's a likeable girl, her story should resonate with kids. I saw Skillet a few summers ago, the kids definitely love them!

I'm curious who will end up helping who by the end of the story.

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Hi, Sue. Thank you so much for this very gracious and generous review. I like your final line, it gives me a target for the upcoming chapters and is quite thoughtful. Great to hear from you!

:) Bev

Comment from country ranch writer

Excellent

Sounds like the only one in that house is on her side is her Grandma who is more lenient than the others and her mother is being cruel

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Thanks much for your insights and review, CRW. I've enjoyed reading all the take-aways from this chapter, yours included!

reply by country ranch writer on 13-Aug-2015

s m i l e s

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

It's hard to figure out why some people are jealous of even their best friends, something as silly as because of a hot guy being interested in talking to them. If they are best friends then would they for sure know they are interesting in some way? Kids. Great job. :-)

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015

Thanks for taking time to read and for your excellent review, Ric. I appreciate your insights on the chapter. As you say--kids!

:) Bev

Comment from Serendipity!

Excellent

This is the first part I have read and it definitely caught my interest. I am rooting for Mara, I guess because I am a conservative Christian myself and would like to see things turn out happily for her. I am also pulling for her friend, Jujee's and hoping there will be enough good influences in her life to smooth out the bumps and keep pointing her in the right direction. Hoping that Mara's father can be a kindly father figure to her sometime along the line.

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015

Hi, Serendipity. I like you name!

Thanks for this great review. Although there will be rough spots ahead, I plan to keep the
novel upbeat overall. Your insights are excellent, and I appreciate you sharing them. Mara's father and mother, as good Christian parents, will watch out for their daughter while never abandoning a young person in need. Coming up is another teenager who may need Mara's father even more than Jujee. Hope you'll stop by again.

:) Bev

reply by Anonymous Member on 12-Aug-2015

I sure plan to.

reply by Serendipity! on 12-Aug-2015

I sure plan to.

Comment from JW

Excellent

This is a well-written, easy to read chapter, and it does a great job of progressing your storyline.

The only suggestion is you may want to consider using pronouns more often. At times while reading this chapter, it seems you repeat Jujee's name so often, instead of using a pronoun, I found it mildly distracting.

Overall though, you did a great job in writing this, Bev. JW

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015

Thanks for the review, JW. I appreciate the suggestions. :)