Reviews from

Texas Dream Catcher

Viewing comments for Chapter 55 "Chapter Dieciocho, (18) Part Tres "
Drug & human trafficking, can romance win?

38 total reviews 
Comment from elgone
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Jim is a Federal Marshall probably assigned to investigate irregularities in the Homeland Security's local operations. That would be my guess. Or he could be with the Investigative branch of the Inspector General's Office. Those folks are internal government spies checking on budget issues.

E

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 08-Aug-2015
    Thank you for the kind review. It's always good to hear from you.
Comment from Curly Girly
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Well, I am pleased that Kuruk has decided to accept white men's medicine for a while. I wonder what that welt on his skin? If it is a spider bite, surely he would have felt it? I was bitten by a spider once, it was much more painful than a bee or wasp sting. Bee stings are instant pain, but the spider bite was not too bad at first, but then it gradually intensified. I held a cloth soaked in very hot water over it for a long time, which helps destroy some venoms.

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 08-Aug-2015
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sasha
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I am relieve to learn that Littleton is finally out of the picture. I wish Jim could tell Soni who he is, but I do understand his reasons for not being more open. Have a lovely trip and be safe.

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
    Thank you for the kind review and your well wishes.
Comment from mumsyone
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good chapter, Barbara. Like Soni and the others, I'm waiting to see who (or what) Jim really is.

Jim walked into the room and watched Kuruk try to convince the doctor that he was fine and (that) this bed would better serve somebody else.

I'm perfectly healthy(,) and any problems there might be I can take (remove 'take') handle myself."

I think I'll add a (an) MRI."

"On the way to the lab(,) can I stop and check on my granddaughter and Tatiana?"

"Come on(,) men.

He turned Kuruk around and then (remove 'then') said(,) over his shoulder.(,) "I'll be in to check with you ladies later."


 Comment Written 03-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
    I am off to make the corrections. I appreciate your help. HUGS!!!!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I like the Chief ( Kuruk) right

I know one thing if a Doctor told me of all the various medical test o be done. I would definitely be testy.
But to my surprise the Chief wasn't

Gert

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
    Kuruk felt Jim was going to help reduce the tests. Besides Kuruk keeps himself calm under most circumstances. Thank you for the kind review.
reply by Gert sherwood on 03-Aug-2015
    I see Barb looks like Kuruk depends upon Jim quite a bit
Comment from angelface2
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Nicely done Barbara. I don't find any spag, so it stands as read! Hah. I am not sure what a tick bite looks like, but I have a feeling this might be it. Good picture. :>) Miss Sally

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
    We will wait and see. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from pbroussard209
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good chapter, I really like the chief he is a man after my own heart. I don't trust Whiteman's medicine either, really I don't. Since going off my MS meds six months ago, I have never felt better, I began worrying about what the shots where doing to me when the mosquito's refused to bite me, lol true story.

Anyway I have one question, Being a naturalist, wouldn't the chief recognize a tick bite, or whatever insect it was. He seems to be very knowledgeable about nature, and I'm sure he has seen it before. Okay I know you haven't finished this part of the story line and you may explain it later on. I was just curious.

Trish

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
    I almost wrote the answer here. LOL I had to backspace it. But you brought up a very good question and I do have an answer but....I need to keep it to myself. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Chris Tee
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Barbara this is another excellent and captivating chapter which you have written here. Well done it was a pleasure to read thia captivating piece.

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
    Thank you for the nice review and your continued support.
Comment from barkingdog
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Barbara,
Is there an extra word in this sentence? 'Kuruk [ turn] struggled to turn but nodded and winked at Tatiana.'
Have a great time hiking the trail.

:) ellen

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
    Thank you for the nice review and your continued support. Yes, and I will fix that. I slept on the ending last night and just changed it too.
Comment from rama devi
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

As usual, this pulled me right into the scene and gave a good sense of both characterization and plot even without having read all chapters. Swiftly paced and easy to read. True to life sounding dialog.

Just a few suggestions:


*"You did faint,(.)" Jim tried to choose the correct words,(.) "It wouldn't hurt to have the doctor examine you. You still retain the right to refuse any treatment."

Optional recommendation: It would be good to use a simile here to enhance the sense of his 'trying' (to show more than tell).



I'm a bit tired with flu myself, so I am not sure I interpreted this correctly, but I think the action tag is not for the person speaking, so it needs line breaks here:

"I have a few questions for you, Chief." Kuruk nodded for the doctor to continue, "Your temperature's elevated. How long has it been high? Have you had any chills, fatigue, body aches or a headache?"

With edits:


"I have a few questions for you, Chief."

Kuruk nodded for the doctor to continue.

"Your temperature's elevated. How long has it been high? Have you had any chills, fatigue, body aches or a headache?"


*Here too:

"I've had cold or flu symptoms for a little over a week. I just can't seem to shake it." The doctor encouraged Kuruk to describe them. "Chills and body aches, especially knee aches. Some fatigue, but I'm seventy-four years old. I get tired."



"I've had cold or flu symptoms for a little over a week. I just can't seem to shake it."

The doctor encouraged Kuruk to describe them.

"Chills and body aches, especially knee aches. Some fatigue, but I'm seventy-four years old. I get tired."


Why not describe HOW the doctor encouraged him, like The doctor nodded and gazed at Kuruk, encouraging him to describe his symptoms.

*
"Sir, the wheelchair's hospital policy. As for the room(,) you'll need to take that up with the doctor."

*
Kuruk turn struggled to turn but nodded and winked at Tatiana.


delete the first TURN (I think?)


Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
    I am off to make those corrections. Thank you for the kind review.
reply by rama devi on 03-Aug-2015
    :-))